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Here's That Cyber Steampunk Golf Sim You've Been Wanting

If golf was actually like this, I would watch it unless something better was on.

I don’t think I’ve been interested in a golf game since Mario Golf on the Nintendo 64. That’s not even an exaggeration. I played real minigolf with some friends recently, but that’s the closest I’ve come to hitting a small white ball into a hole since I briefly glanced at a copy of Wii Sports in a Walmart once. All that said, Vertiginous Golf has my eye and then some (which is to say, also my other eye). It’s insane virtual reality remote-controlled sky golf set in a grim cyber-steampunk future, and it adds an element I feel real golf has been utterly lost without for centuries: tiny robot bird companions. Oh, and there’s something about class warfare in there too. So basically, it’s Tiger Woods Presents BioShock Infinite. I am so, so, so OK with this.

Vertiginous Golf also manages the mighty distinction of being a golf game that’s actually about things – specifically, these:

“Vertiginous Golf is set in an alternate industrially revolutionised future where life on the ground is hampered by a permanent smog which plunges its inhabitants into constant darkness and never ending rain.”

“The Vertiginous levitation system invented by Edward V Frohlich in 2006, was primarily developed to provide the upper tiers of society with a power system that could permanently levitate plots off the ground where they could build their residential houses and recreational follies high enough to be above the eternal smog and bathed in almost constant sunlight.”

But then it got used for golf, which is totally unrealistic because everyone knows humanity would’ve first sought a way to adapt hyper-sophisticated levitation technology for porn, as is the natural and wholesome way of things. Then again, it sounds like many people also used the sunshine-walking tech for oppression too, so I suppose the game’s not too wide off the mark when it comes to our species’ priorities.

Vertiginous Golf’s just-launched $5 beta version offers one nine-hole golf course, local multiplayer, and a freeroaming mechanical hummingbird to help you set up your shots. Expect “lots more” in the near future.

So right then, this is maybe the most preposterously silly, hopefully delightful golf game I’ve ever seen. Who plans on giving it a go?

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Nathan Grayson

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