I Wrote Some Beat Poetry About Nuclear Throne...

…because I was struggling to find a way to discuss a game that’s so, uh… Well, perhaps you see my problem.

I’ve also included a video of myself experiencing a particularly pathetic death. Perhaps it’s a clue that you shouldn’t take any of this seriously.

A game of so little, but a game beyond my words.
A game instead for my teeth, clenched, gritted and determined
To kill in a dead desert world similarly determined. A world of darkness painted in colour,
The bloodiest act the most Disneylike, I thought, as the giant maggot twitched
Then detonated in excitement at the scoring of its slimy hide with lime green laser.

A goal, the goal, is a hundred million years from where I am but still I try to go
to the Nuclear Throne. I don’t know its look, its purpose but damn me if I don’t need to reach it.

Die and die and die I did, all the guns and none of the ammo, Robotron with a glint its eye
And a dagger behind its back. “Come at me, bro” said its big bandits and scorpions and mutant rats
So I did and they died but then I died, in a sandy tunnel, out of bullets, full of breath.

I left it minimised on the death screen for an hour or more,
The grim sounds of echoed screams a soundtrack to my thoughts and words.

Nuclear Throne, formerly Wasteland Kings, is a game by Ridiculous Fishing and Super Crate Box devs Vlambeer. It’s a roguelike-inspired arena shooter set on a post-apocalyptic Earth, kind of like the Binding of Isaac does Fallout. Its current beta is available to buy now. I really like it.