I Wrote Some Beat Poetry About Nuclear Throne…

Stay awhile and listen

…because I was struggling to find a way to discuss a game that’s so, uh… Well, perhaps you see my problem.

I’ve also included a video of myself experiencing a particularly pathetic death. Perhaps it’s a clue that you shouldn’t take any of this seriously.

A game of so little, but a game beyond my words.
A game instead for my teeth, clenched, gritted and determined
To kill in a dead desert world similarly determined. A world of darkness painted in colour,
The bloodiest act the most Disneylike, I thought, as the giant maggot twitched
Then detonated in excitement at the scoring of its slimy hide with lime green laser.

A goal, the goal, is a hundred million years from where I am but still I try to go
to the Nuclear Throne. I don’t know its look, its purpose but damn me if I don’t need to reach it.

Die and die and die I did, all the guns and none of the ammo, Robotron with a glint its eye
And a dagger behind its back. “Come at me, bro” said its big bandits and scorpions and mutant rats
So I did and they died but then I died, in a sandy tunnel, out of bullets, full of breath.

I left it minimised on the death screen for an hour or more,
The grim sounds of echoed screams a soundtrack to my thoughts and words.

Nuclear Throne, formerly Wasteland Kings, is a game by Ridiculous Fishing and Super Crate Box devs Vlambeer. It’s a roguelike-inspired arena shooter set on a post-apocalyptic Earth, kind of like the Binding of Isaac does Fallout. Its current beta is available to buy now. I really like it.


  1. Baboonanza says:

    Resistance is useless!

  2. CobraLad says:

    Throne definitely exists.

  3. amateurviking says:

    Fired one shot with the pistol and immediately thought: ‘this is going to be pretty special’.

    I was not wrong.

    • Noburu says:

      I even actually prefer the starter gun over a lot of the other options.

    • Kaeoschassis says:

      Nobody does guns like Vlambeer. They’re just so… blam-y.

      • Kitsunin says:

        They really make you realize how wonderful kinaesthetics can be.

  4. Dave Tosser says:

    This looks more like a pastiche of Nu-Skool Journalism than beat poetry.

    Oh, hold on…

  5. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    I’ve been playing this as well and can confirm that it’s brilliant.

  6. grundus says:

    I haven’t played much Nuclear Throne yet but what I’ve played makes me want to play more, it’s just a question of time. Mainly because I discovered Super Crate Box is on Steam for free shortly after buying NT.

  7. Josh W says:

    Hmm, that looks like a good game! Nice orthogonally defined enemies, varied and differentiated weapon effects, good pacing of sections, constrained choices in leveling with a variety of effects, and satisfying feedback and feel. Good stuff.