Live Free Play Hard: Flowers to Womans, Guns to Mans

The most fragile truck in the world. Multiplayer temporal loop. MALE CRIME WORLD SIMULATION.




This one originates with RPS’s very own Cara Ellison, who one day received an auspicious email from a Male and tweeted about it. Then someone turned that tweet into a game. How? MAGIC

I am pleased to finally play a game for womans. All these MALE CRIME WORLD SIMULATIONS are so tricky, with their gun puzzles (Puzzle #1: How to bullet mans…)

I emit a “subtle floral fragrance”. I pick 200 flowers. There are several zones: market, forest, meadow, ghost town.

Meadow is best zone for womans. It has many flowers. A flower is like a bullet from the gun of the ground, except instead of enabling the dominant members of society least likely to be penalized for the discharge of firearms in a gun control and legal system rooted in racism, it delivers happiness to my heart.

As I am not a mans, I am unable to review the male content in this game. I assume it is of the highest quality.



Moirai by Chris Johnson, Brad Barrett, John Oestmann

You live in a pastoral village. A woman has gone missing. The priest urges you to find her. They say she went inside a dark, rat-infested cave.


This is a perfect asynchronous multiplayer loop. Each player supplies text for the next player. I like the nature of the prompts.

I wouldn’t call this a game about moral choice. There is a choice, but it’s highly ambiguous (assisting suicide, under such uncertain conditions, hardly has an objective answer.). Instead, I would call this a game about judgment. Judged for explaining yourself under suspicious circumstances. Judged under the same circumstances under which you judged someone else, just with different words.

That’s a key problem with justice, right? The ways in which people in identical circumstances can experience different outcomes. The only factor in this game is how well you advocate for yourself. What you actually do in that cave doesn’t matter, except to yourself.

I’m really interested in the different responses people gave, and if there were any common appeals or explanations made. I tried to be as level-headed and convincing as possible.

At the very moment I was writing about Moirai, Anthony Burch tweeted at me to tell me he’d spared my life, saying ‘Not to mention you used proper punctuation and grammar which made me think, ” this is clearly a part of the authored script”‘. Now I’m thinking about a game where the typing is imperfect, where your ability to self-advocate is hampered by stress…



Night Rider Turbo by SOS and Svetlana

Doomed driving simulator on an 80’s highway. I say doomed because this is the most fragile truck in the world.

I have a lot of anxiety around driving. I don’t drive. I refuse to drive. It feels like an unspeakable responsibility with too many variables that need to be just right or I kill everyone around me.

So this is actually fairly pleasurable for me. When things just give in to entropy. Maybe these disastrous manipulation sims are appealing because they release that tension. Safe spaces to break things. Safe spaces to fail. I could see a whole line of therapeutic failure sims for common activities like going to the supermarket and having a basic conversation with another human being.



Pamela’s Adventures in DreamLand by thecatamites

You play as a spidery nightmare infesting the dreams of a little girl. Shit’s fucked up.



Galah Galah by Jake Clover

Sometimes I feel like a video of a game is more interesting than a game itself. So I wanted to try and make a game that is like a video of unfinished games.

A series of abject failures in a hideous scifi universe. This universe is overcrowded, violent, covered in metal. As in many of Jake’s games, I feel like part of a system that goes on with or without me. A citizen, not a hero. A citizen in a miserable empire where no one can wake up from the haze of hellish routine. It actually reminds me of real life more than most games.

These games are driven by the expected behavior of the player.

My absolute favorite scene is the one with the green and pink amphibians. It films itself, the constraints of the controls creating the appropriate outcome.

In another scene, I am a figure on the deck of a spaceship. I move back and forth, searching for interactivity. When I find none, I realize I’ve been causing my character to pace back and forth nervously. When interactivity is suspended, the movements of my character become meaningful in of themselves. Clover has a habit of putting me on the spot with his games. It’s very stagelike, the way he has me focusing on my physical performance.



Mashkin Sees It Through by thecatamites

It was November when this game crossed my path. Permit me to elaborate–or perhaps this modern century permits no such elaboration, requiring a penetrating thrust to the heart of the matters at hand, in the manner of linkbait and other such licentious grottos of the plane we, or should I say, us stalwart denizens, know as the realm of the virtual. Suffice to say it can be played with the most common protuberances of mind and body. The democratic impulse of Mashkin Sees It Through is this: the dying can play it as well as the living.

In Mashkin Sees It Through, my dear reader may note an abundance of text–a method of communication more commonly associated with street signs, cookbooks, and skywriting. That’s all very well for a series of symbols buoyed up by the brothy smells of the hearth, or the sensual, provocative smell of clouds. But how well does it translate (dare I say transmute?) to the fetid oubliette of the reader, an environment characterized by waste, garbage, and coagulated depression? Can videogames save global hunger warming? Have I hit my word count yet? Yes.



  1. The Sombrero Kid says:

    I’m a man, but there’s no Male Crime Simulators in this list and so I can’t play them.

    • Gap Gen says:

      The first picture shows you having the choice to “poke sheep”. Although where I grew up the ability to commit male crimes was limited to that or driving cars out to the lanes and burning them.

    • Snids says:


  2. SuicideKing says:

    What would a MALE FLOWER SIMULATION look like i wonder?

    Ok wait that sounds dirty now. :D

    • SuicideKing says:




    • Gap Gen says:

      Flowers to Algernons.

    • GameCat says:

      You’re gardner who have garden filled with nothing but poison and carnivorous plants.
      You feed your carnivorous plants with live mices. They (plants, not mices) eventually grow big and dangerous, so you must burn them with MOTHERFUCKING FLAMETHROWER. But be aware to not burn your weed accidentaly.

  3. CookPassBabtridge says:

    I feel honoured to have actually witnessed the birth of a meme, here on the Queen’s own Royal Paper Shotgunners

  4. SixTwoCee says:

    A pretentious social-justicey text game? We’ve hit the trifecta folks, there’s no turning back.

  5. Michael Fogg says:

    New game by Yahtzee! A weird arcade-rouguelite with Lovecraftian themes set in modern day rural England. Check it on his blog.

  6. Kitsunin says:

    Moirai was pretty interesting. I get the feeling you could do something extremely interesting with player storytelling in a larger exploration of the base concept.

    • frightlever says:

      I kinda baulked when it asked for my email address – what’s that about?


      The thing was when I answered the questions I thought I had to repeat what I’d already been told so I kinda missed the point.

      • James G says:

        The email is to let you know the outcome.

      • pleaseletmecomment says:

        Yeah i basically copied what the other farmer said, unaware this was a multiplayer game. However, I’m glad i didn’t know and maybe me simply copying the other farmer (who like me was covered in blood (i killed the lady)) to cover my own back might say something about me. Nice little experiment.

        • frightlever says:

          I did a second play-through and was allowed to pass with my answers – despite my own bloody spree.

          Such a simple, clever idea.

    • Premium User Badge

      Bluerps says:

      It didn’t quite work for me, because the answers I got were all gibberish. It was interesting to come up with my own answers though.

    • kalkyrie says:

      I ending up having my farmer, Rick, sing the first verse and chorus of “Never Gonna Give You Up”.
      How he didn’t die, I have no idea.

  7. The Random One says:

    Moirai is pretty interesting. It’s weird that I didn’t see the “multiplayer” part for it was even though my partner wasn’t as eloquent as Ms. Porp.

    Beyond that, there was something alluring about the super small Wolfenstein-3D style levels, almost as if they were a stage. I liked it.

  8. JamesTheNumberless says:

    “I have a lot of anxiety around driving. I don’t drive. I refuse to drive. It feels like an unspeakable responsibility with too many variables that need to be just right or I kill everyone around me.”

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!

    • frightlever says:

      Yup. Passed my test while massively hungover and probably over the current limit. But driving rapidly drove me mad. It’s like people don’t understand the insanity of hurling a ton of metal around at speeds we were never designed to travel at.

    • Koozer says:

      Me too! Driving requires far too much responsibility and concentration. Parking is so much easier in games, where you can just bash other vehicles out of your desired location with zero negative effects.

      • pleaseletmecomment says:

        Driving isn’t that hard, really. Think of the hundreds of millions of people who drive in the world without killing themselves – if you can’t handle it because it requires “far too much responsibility and concentration” then you are probably quite stupid. Truth.

        • Kitsunin says:

          …I think it takes someone who is fairly intelligent to realize there is some danger in the operation of a car. Sure, it’s not like there’s really much chance at all of killing someone, but the fact remains that a moment of doing exactly the wrong thing could kills tens of people, and accidents do account for something like 0.18% of deaths in the world. Err, whatever, why did I bother to type that?

          You’re being an jerk. Truth.

          • Hahaha says:

            “I think it takes someone who is fairly intelligent to realize there is some danger in the operation of a car.”

            Hahahahaha no it really doesn’t

          • Kitsunin says:

            Sorry, you’re right. It just takes someone who isn’t an idiot, not someone who is actually smart.

    • Kitsunin says:

      I still haven’t gotten a license…it’s a pain sometimes, but at least it ensures I don’t actually have to drive ever. It helps living in a place where we actually have public transportation that can get you most places and taxis that cost in the single digits for most anything within the same city.

    • Premium User Badge

      Bluerps says:

      Yeah. I don’t have a license for pretty much the same reasons.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      If I stopped doing things that could very likely end in the death or dismemberment of everyone around me, I probably wouldn’t do anything at all.

      • Ich Will says:

        I’ve decided it is my social responsibility to do just this. While I’m still in Wifi range, I’ve decided to do literally nothing for the safety of others. Good job my co-pilots off sick today, he’d nag me. OK, we’re airborne, I’ll let you know later how it goes. Starting…. Now!

      • InnerPartisan says:

        Besides, what self-respecting Englishman would voluntarily give up Dirigible Darts?

    • Porpentine says:

      i’m glad we can have this moment of solidarity

    • Dr I am a Doctor says:

      You people are huge disgusting babies.

    • Zhugie says:

      Yep totally stealing that line next time I have to explain why I don’t like to drive.

  9. Fenix says:

    Moirai was brilliant.