Call Of Duty Online Is More Call Of Duty Than Call Of Duty

Word of warning: you probably cannot (easily) access Call of Duty Online. It’s a free-to-play extension of Activision’s cash cow that lays golden eggs, and it’s tailor-made for Chinese markets. That said, I simply must share this trailer with you, because it’s the most Call-of-Duty related Call of Duty thing I’ve seen in a long time. Two words: robot zombies.

The mode in question, of course, is akin to Treyarch’s zombies and Infinity Ward’s aliens. But it gets better. Did you hear that bit at the end of the trailer? The song is made of gun sounds.

Let me repeat that: Call of Duty Online’s theme song is guns. Rhythmic, parading, stampeding guns. Bursts and streams. Waterfalls and rivulets. That is so close to being self-aware that, well, surely Call of Duty’s gonna get there someday, right? Right?

And who is that crazy loose-cannon maverick zombie-robot-fighting cowboy soldier? I don’t know, but based on the few seconds I’ve seen of him, I can already safely say that he’s my favorite CoD hero of all time. I bet his name is Flintlock Nantucket, and he only believes in three things: the good ol’ US of A, Jesus, and the kill. He puts on his pants two legs at a time, because anything less would – in his eyes – be an utter disgrace. He’s a busy man, a hardened man, a man whose soft side only emerges when you tear it still-beating from his scarred torso.

But he doesn’t have a dog of his own to combat that assuredly mighty robo-pooch. Oh well, can’t win ’em all. Not even if you’re Flintlock Nantucket. But mark my words: he will be back. Or die trying. *Transformers sound*


Top comments

  1. The Random One says:

    I can do better:

  2. colossalstrikepackage says:

    Why stop there?

    FlintMan CockNugget

    So far that he knows there is no going back. He's sexy and he knows it. Now for some robo killing...
  1. Shockeh says:


  2. SystemiK says:

    “Flintlock Nantucket”

    Possibly the best name for a game character that I’ve ever heard….

    • The Random One says:

      I can do better:


    • golem09 says:

      I quite liked Dolphs Lundgrens charactername in one of his newer ones: Max Gatling.

    • jkz says:

      Probably a bit too historical for a COD hero, something more up to date, a good American name like Crud. Crud Bazooka.

  3. womp says:

    Dog available via microtrans

  4. CobraLad says:

    Are we robots? Because if its Call of Duty, we are supposed to kill hordes of chinese people.

    • Gap Gen says:

      Russians and Arabs might be the main bullet sponges in the modern reboots, although I haven’t really kept track – I think South Americans were involved last time?

      • Tacroy says:

        Was it RPS who pointed out that, normally, the baddies are the people who build the super laser death ray? And it’s the plucky rebellion what steals it from them?

    • MrUnimport says:

      Yes, Call of Duty has become a perpetuation of imperialist narrative! Everyone back on the bus to WWII, where we can shoot hordes of white people in relative moral quietude.

      As a Canadian, I only wish we were popular enough to make FPS goons out of.

      • tormos says:

        I’m sure those nice Tea Party fellows will turn their atavistic fear of getting some decent healthcare in this country into an FPS where you chaps invade soon enough.

        • MrUnimport says:

          Don’t get my hopes up. The closest thing I have to being able to shoot Tea Partiers in an online multiplayer environment is fighting NC in Planetside 2.

  5. Themadcow says:

    Call of Duty definititely needs a bullet based remix of “War has never been so much fun” from Cannon Fodder.

    “Killing with your gun, so much fun!”

    • The Random One says:

      I’m surprised Acti hasn’t licenced that already.

      Also, completely unrelated, but you reminded me of this:

      Your gun is of course your best friend
      On whom you can always depend
      If you get into fights
      You can look down the sights
      And bullets’ll come out of the end.

  6. Myrdinn says:

    Who do you fight when your game has to appeal to the entire world? Friggin’ Zombroids (called Zombro’s when on your team)

    • Syra says:

      Chinese games aren’t allowed to show the undead if I remember correctly. So basically using terminator/necrons gets around it for this l4d clone looking game…

  7. JimmyG says:

    I like the Beats by Dre in the header image.

    • Gap Gen says:

      Everyone knows you can fight zombie robots without removing your ability to hear things around you.

    • Comrade Roe says:

      Dre Beats are an American tradition, like Budweiser, apple pie, and the Bible.

  8. Awesumo says:

    Hmm, websites only in chinese… I’m guessing big blue flashy button, then button with download symbol on it.

  9. BarryK says:

    If I didn’t know it was Call of Duty, I’d swear it was a SkyNET prequel.
    And I’d want it.

  10. seventh_wave says:

    I see they’ve decided to base their robozombie design off “Somewhere in time” Eddie. And by “based off” I mean “blatantly copied”.

  11. Beefeater1980 says:

    For anyone who’s interested, here’s a rough and ready translation of the Chinese:

    0:30: Four Lone Heroes
    (pictures: four lone heroes, with boring US stereotypes replaced with boring Chinese stereotypes and a couple of Resident Evil sorts)
    0:37: Bearing heavy responsibility, they bravely defy the final boundary
    0:42: Duty’s Call OL (online), a completely unique new kind of game

    voice-over: Because the enemy is attacking, I have no plan, no tricks.
    voice-over: (randomly in English): Enemy Down. Nice shot! [something] ready for deployment.

    Cue gun-based music.

    In the unlikely event this is released here in Hong Kong, I’m tempted. It has the potential for a Blood Dragon so-bad-it’s-good appeal.

    • Gap Gen says:

      It does look pretty generic/terrible. But who knows, eh.

    • SillyWizard says:

      Why wouldn’t it be available in HK?

      • Creeping Death says:

        Because Hong Kong kinda is but kinda isn’t a part of China. It’s weirdly complicated. They have their own money, laws etc. but the share the same foreign policies of China I believe. It’s all kinda weird and I honestly don’t really understand WHY things are the way they are.

        I think Hong Kong gets touchy when you say they are a part of China though.

        • tormos says:

          The explanation for why things are the way they are is that Hong Kong was to the British Empire what that last little bit of peanut butter on the inside of the rim that takes forever to work out with the knife is to a full jar.

  12. Napalm Sushi says:

    I think that arbitrarily jamming together nouns like “robot,” “pirate,” “space,” “Nazi” and “zombie” and using most of them as adjectives may be the new zombies.

    • Perkelnik says:

      You forgot “ninja”

    • Gap Gen says:

      Pick any two-syllable noun with the emphasis on the first syllable.

      Doctor Toaster Fighter Cabbage.

      OK maybe.

      • The Random One says:

        The important thing about trochees is that, because all of the words in “teenage mutant ninja turtles” are one of them, any sequence of four trochees you come up with can be sung to the TMNT theme.

        The TMNT theme with the lyrics replaced with “Doctor Toaster Fighter Cabbage” is now stuck in your head.

        €: Also works for Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

      • Jackablade says:

        Bah. Ninjaed. Somewhat appropriately I suppose.

  13. Mr. Mister says:

    Pfft, Skyward Sword had robot zombie pirates.

  14. DarkX2 says:

    I now believe we have to make sure that Flintliock Nantucket is the topic for the next Ludum Dare.

  15. Ergates_Antius says:

    What is Cutter Slade doing in a Call of Duty game?

    • Kaeoschassis says:

      Thanks for that.
      If anyone needs me I’ll be playing Outcast.

  16. Premium User Badge

    Gassalasca says:


    Also, We Are 138.

  17. SkittleDiddler says:

    The East gets robot zombies, the West gets Eminem. WTF did the West do to offend Activision so badly?

  18. draven says:

    Robot Zombies that look suspiciously similar to Eddie from Iron Maiden, just dumber…

  19. Hammerzeit says:

    “Gunshots are the beat!”

  20. Universal Quitter says:

    I love the Cav stetson on that masterpiece jingoist stereotype.

    They still make the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment guys wear that on Fort Hood. I never thought I’d see a stupider piece of headgear than the beret, but there was the stetson to show me how wrong I was.

    It’s like what you imagine a cowboy hat from a fair or carnival would be made of.