Not The Robots’ Procedural Stealth Out This Month

It is very cold where I am right now. Winter has clenched my weary fingers in its icy hand, and I fear that the end is nigh. San Francisco, how dare you drop below the world’s most ideal temperature? How dare you? But it wasn’t always this way. I was happier once, plump with evergreen hope. Was it eons ago? Years? I’ll probably never know. But I do know that I discovered a really neat looking procedural stealth game during that time, and now it has a name, release date, trailer, and everything! Not The Robots, a randomized permadeath sneak-’em-up about, um, eating furniture, will be out later this month. Let us pray that these thin-blanket-necessitating temperatures don’t claim me before then.

By way of publishing aid from No Time To Explain and Speedrunners developer tinyBuild, Not The Robots will be coming to Steam later this month for $9.99 of your human dollars. It is about these things:

“A procedurally generated stealth game about learning to survive, making sense of your surroundings, and eating furniture. [There are] as many levels as you want to play. More than you and your friends will ever have time for.”

It looks as unique and eccentric as ever, but there is some method to its diabolical gauntlet-generating madness. Not The Robots will contain three main modes: campaign, operations, and challenge. Campaign is the longest of the three and requires practice before you’ll have any chance of completing it, challenge provides you with quick one-to-two-minute mini-levels, and operations falls in between, offering unique four-to-six-level trials.

Look for the full release soon. Also, if you get this message, please send help in the form of high-quality sweaters and hot chocolate. Horace bless you all, each and every one.


  1. Viroso says:

    This looks cool, I suppose as you eat the furniture it becomes harder to sneak.

  2. Dozer says:

    The employees responsible will be replaced within 14 days of this message’s arrival.

    No. Within six months.

    Somebody’s going to get hurt!

    Quit screwing around.

    This looks delightfully much like someone goofing around in Unity3D and suddenly realising they have a saleable game concept on their hands. I like!

  3. Dozer says:

    FUN FACT: In primary school, I was once suspended for eating furniture.

  4. Dave Tosser says:

    Gasp! Not the robots’ procedural stealth! Anything but that! Oh, take me away, I can’t bear the thought of it!

  5. belgand says:

    San Francisco is always below the ideal temperature (82 F), but it has gotten crazily cold recently.

  6. Solidstate89 says:

    You think it’s cold in San Francisco? You panzee!

  7. Ross Angus says:

    I like the infinite levels, but is infinite dragons too much to ask for?

  8. Dominus_Anulorum says:

    You think its cold in San Francisco? Right now, in Austin, Texas, it is 27 degrees F. 27! It is almost as cold here as it is in Barrow, the northernmost point in Alaska! And we don’t even get snow. I give up trying to understand Texas weather.

    • Premium User Badge

      Harlander says:

      Fahrenheit is a silly temperature scale to use.

      It’s much more intuitive to say 270 Kelvin.

      • Shadowcat says:

        I’m not actually sure whether you were serious or not, but you are entirely correct!

  9. colossalstrikepackage says:

    Phat tunez

  10. KillahMate says:

    They’re not robots. They’re very happy.

  11. mda says:

    Oh god not the thin blanket. Anything but the thin blanketttt!!!