Why I Love The Hot Prospects Of Football Manager 2014

It's a low resolution image I've blown up, but it's no better when small.

Look at this man. Look into his dead eyes and feel your soul begin to curdle. He’s hideous. He has no pores. He’s a person suit. He’s a stocking full of yoghurt. After matches, Football Manager 2014‘s coaches let the air out of him, fold him up and put him back in the cupboard. He’s Emperor Septim’s son, here to tell you that Jauffre’s gone off on another one of his benders.

He cost me £5.5 million.

Come. Let me tell you about the off season.

Football Manager’s Classic Mode – added in the 2013 edition – ostensibly means that you can play a season of the game in a single day, or around eight hours. It’s true, you can. Even without relying on the terrifying gamble of the “Instant Result” button, you can man-manage your team to victory or failure in a swift, satisfying fashion.

But when the last match of the season is played and all my players go on holiday, it takes me another eight hours to play through the long summers. It’s my favourite part of the game.

If you’re not au fait with foot-to-ball – au fait-to-ball – the summer is when the transfer window opens. Every rich club in the world reaches into their pockets and starts throwing cash at one another in exchange for world class footballers, promising youngsters, sacks of oranges, rigged competition draws, match fixing, whatever.

It’s the “promising youngsters” part that leaves Football Manager with an interesting dilemma. At the start of the game, every footballer in its football simulation is a real footballer in the real football world. But after even a single in-game season, the older footballers begin to retire – with the exception of Ryan Giggs, who is 43-years-old in my current career, unemployed for two years and still considering his options.

This means that the game is being constantly depleted of its ball-men and needs to keep generating new youngsters to enter at the bottom of the game. This is how I came to spend £5.5 million on a sixteen-year-old from Brazil who looks like someone drew a face on a blobfish.

Hair By Crimewatch.

From the very start, part of playing Football Manager is finding “wonderkids.” These are real-world players that Sports Interactive’s network of scouts has decided are likely to become the next generation of millionaire ballkickers. You can find out who these wonderkids are by searching messageboards for advice from other players, and there’s a real pleasure in “discovering” them, buying them, and seeing them do well.

This is nothing compared to the pleasure of discovering a randomly generated player. Their name, their stats and their congealed waxy face is spat out by the game at the start of a new season, and they’re unique to you and your game. You’ll only find them by sending scouts to a region or playing around with the in-game player search function.

That’s what I spent this weekend doing. That’s what I’ve spent periodic weekends doing since FM2014 came out earlier this year. My Man Utd midfield is now anchored by Marcelo Gabrich, a 19-year-old Argentinian I picked up for £3.5 million. Look at his field of high green stats.

His stats are this high maybe because he's a testosterone-fuelled vampire.

17 for passing? 16 for first touch? He’ll become even better in the years to come, but he’s already pushing players I’m paying a hundred times more out of the first team.

This has been part of my Football Manager experience since the series was called Championship Manager and I was a football mad ten-year-old. All my friends would play the game and all of us would play real football at a nearby park together. Sometimes while playing, we’d imagine ourselves as our favourite footballers – the stars of the most recent World Cup, normally – and we’d call out our names like commentators as we kicked the ball around.

Then at some point we started incorporating Championship Manager 2’s fictional players into the mix. We’d imagine ourselves not as Roberto Baggio, but Fabio Baggio, the generated youngster with an unlikely eleven ’20’ ratings who appeared after a nineteen-season long Championship Manager 2 Italia campaign.

I no longer regularly live-action roleplay fictional sportsmen, but the same fun of seeking out high numbers remains. It’s a little slice of the thrill of a collectible card game, I think, without the expense of buying rare cards. It’s a hook to keep me interesting and excited in the game through season after season, as I’m intrigued to find out how Gabrich and my other young stars turn out.

And it’s sometimes the only way I feel like I can really affect the success of my Football Manager teams. I’m still bad at getting the best out of my players tactically. I still can’t tell whether my mid-match tweaks to mentality or passing are helping or hurting. But I do know that a man with higher numbers does better than a man with lower numbers, and I’ve turned teams around with a few canny purchases.

That makes the last match of each season my favourite, because it’s the moment the real game starts for me. It signals that I’m about to spend hours poking and prodding my way through the game’s database in search of those diamonds in the rough. I just wish these teenaged “hot prospects” didn’t look like the kids Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall never had.

Alright, I’ve said a lot of mean things about the face generation. Can I also say that I’m impressed by it anyway? Even if it dips into the uncanny valley and triggers a violent fear response, it’s a technological marvel that it works at all. There’s a freely downloadable version of the FaceGen tool that Sports Interactive licensed, and you can use it to create your own (watermarked) faces. You can even plug in photos of your friends and have it generate mashups of their bonces.

Which, yeah.


Hair sold separately.


From the universe where everyone at RPS is a bouncer.

Alec and John mashed together:

I can use the sliders to change their expression.

Alec and John the footballer:

I'm going to have pleasant dreams tonight.

Now that’s a hot prospect.


  1. lautalocos says:

    i have seen the eyes of the abyss.

    • GernauMorat says:

      Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster…

      • Press X to Gary Busey says:

        When fighting abysses you become the abyss something something Soviet Russia.

        • Shadowcat says:

          Is no one else freaked out by the miniature head (complete with its own flowing locks) growing out of the forehead of the face in the first picture?

  2. themes_and_conventions says:

    Moyes out! Smith in!

    • TillEulenspiegel says:

      I hear the Totting-ham Hot Spurs are looking for a new manager.

  3. Anthile says:

    Lose 1d6 sanity.

  4. Premium User Badge

    Bluerps says:

    Oh my god. “John” looks like he’s about to tell you that your familiy is in his freezer. :(

    • lordcooper says:

      I think Alec may have just eaten them.

      • Guvornator says:

        Well, it would appear that the offspring of Alec and John is Cockney “funnyman”*Terry Alderton link to platform-online.net > . His latest show is apparently quite funny, so I guess they must be proud parents…

        * because apparently it’s incredibly posh to call comedians by their job title…

    • HauntedQuiche says:

      The moment I saw Football!John all I could think was the words:

      “Police have released this likeness. Please report sightings immediately, but do not approach, as he is beleived to be highly dangerous.”

  5. Ysellian says:

    haha great read, off to buy FM2014 now.

  6. SpaceVampire says:

    Fabio Baggio was one of the best and I consider myself quite lucky to have seen him play in person. Shame how his career turned out.

  7. Laurentius says:

    But the past part of this generated wonderkids ? It’s when it came right out of your club youth academy. I still remember when playing FM07 as Olimpique Marsseille i had this gem right in my club. Looking as his initial stats i knew he would be a superstar, oh how i cherished him, how put whole staff of coaches around his training, set up my best players to tutor him and soon he developed into phenomenal left winger, at the age of 21 he was scoring 15-20 goals a season an 25-30 assissts, litterally unstopable both in club and international. And i still remeber his generated name, his name was Oliver Lecam.

  8. Canadave says:

    I don’t know if they use the same system or not, but Out of the Park Baseball can generate some pretty frightening faces as well. This skeevy character is currently hanging around in my bullpen: link to i.imgur.com

  9. Sparkasaurusmex says:

    staring eyes!

  10. daphne says:

    Providing comfort to Ctrl/Command+F’er’s everywhere: Maxim Tsigalko. You’re welcome! :)

  11. JiminyJickers says:

    I think the SI stamped on the forehead makes it even creepier.

    • Skabooga says:

      Their branding is made even worse by their impeccable baldness. They want you to know just who their master is.

    • The Random One says:


  12. OscarWilde1854 says:

    What a convenient feature! Having ones glasses become embedded into ones face! No more contacts! They’ll never fall off or break!

    Take my money! Where do I sign!

  13. Press X to Gary Busey says:

    Johlec The Footballer looks like he/they/it/what just got off the boat from Cyrodiil.

  14. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    Behold the faces of the Men of Tomorrow. In the far-off future year of 1990 it is estimated that 80% of humans will have shed their corporeal bodies to exist as beautiful patterns of data on technomagical discs called “CDs”.

    • JamesTheNumberless says:

      Poppycock! Man will not be alive in the year 1990, before that time our escalating lust for coal will have caused us to mine the entire planet’s core, the Earth will become unstable and collapse beneath us.

  15. Shodex says:

    There’s no staring eyes tag. RPS if there ever was a post more deserving, it’s this one.
    I won’t accept a lack of staring eyes tag.

  16. Low Life says:

    No John/Alec, you are the demons.

  17. joedpa82 says:

    I havent played any FM since the 12 series.

    I was managing St. ettiene in France and had an excellent youth academy. Out of the 241 youth prospect 1 came out to be the best. Nicholas Benoit or something. Groomed him, stuck by him when media questioned my choice for the French National Team and he repaid my faith by going to those SOBS Real Madrid. Ever since that betrayal nothing seems sacred. I quit my managerial post and the wonderkid became wonderdud in RM. Broke his foot in the first season with RM. Was booted out of RM after 3 season. Karma’s a bitch.

  18. sharkh20 says:

    Damned blurry Frodo, every time I check RPS for a new article at weird hours today.

  19. JamesTheNumberless says:

    Every new version of FM I shamefully add my favorite two regen players from the glory days of CM circa 96-97 (when I used to print out my end of season league tables and team rosters to compare with my friends at school), as 15/16 year olds – Raphael Lama once scored over 50 league goals in one season! Most of them assisted by Nathaniel King, ultimate target man, and England captain.

    (It was like Shearer and Sutton at Blackburn, except if Sutton was actually a good player)

    However these days,as a factor of both the time I have available to spend playing, and the amount of time it takes to play, I rarely make it more than 4 seasons before the next version comes along and seduces me with its updated players and newfangled shiny bits.