Holy Crap, Bears: Holy Crap, Bears!

I haven’t written anything about Kentucky Route Zero yet, but Floor 3: Bears is my gaming moment of the year. I bloody love bears, me. I’ve got three t-shirts with bears on them, my desktop wallpaper is a bear, and I have bought my baby daughter two outfits which make her appear to be some extremely cute human/bear hybrid with poor motor skills. So you’re goddamned right that I clicked on the link for Adult Swim broswer game ‘Holy Crap, Bears!!‘ the second I saw it. I regret nothing.

Like a lot of what fetches up on Adult Swim’s reliably batshit insane games site, it’s a simple affair rendered greater than the sum of its clicky, Flash-y parts thanks to plenty of gags, deft animation and an edge of sadism. For instance, chucking live boy scouts in the path of an oncoming bear in order to save your own life. You? A scout master, who for some reason is pursuing chickens at night in a bear-infested wood. There is also honey and Gameboys to collect. Also, the bears have torches. This all makes fine sense in practice, I assure you.

The primary requirement for survival is caution, and using sound, vision and common sense to avoid walking into places where a bear might hide, but things swiftly get more elaborate and the bear-based death screen (above) becomes an increasingly regular sight. Which I’m glad of, because I bloody love bears, me.

Free in your browser here. It probably doesn’t work in your preferred browser/operating system, of course.


  1. FurryLippedSquid says:

    Of course.

    Very jerky in Chrome for me.


  2. Shadowcat says:

    Holy bears, Crapman!

  3. Jimbo says:

    You shouldn’t really be letting your daughter drive at that age, Alec.

  4. Anthile says:

    A shame the excessive randomization makes some of the later levels virtually impossible if you get a bad draw from the RNG. Unbearable design.

  5. Premium User Badge

    Joshua says:


    Ahum, carry on.

  6. Grover says:

    Replaying the entire stage instead of the level? Okay…

  7. Spacewalk says:

  8. UncleLou says:

    Some folks say that bears go around smelling bad
    Others say that a bear is honey sweet
    Some folks say this bear’s the best I ever had
    Some folks got a bear beneath their feet

  9. Big Murray says:

    Is this from the makers of “FUCK, BEES!!”?

  10. Vasari says:

    Alec, please write something about Kentucky Route Zero. In fact, just turn the whole site into a Kentucky Route Zero fanzine.