Pretty Kitty: Jerk Cat Sim Catlateral Damage Gets An Upgrade

Fact: if you misspell 'cat' entirely, it reads, 'small furry embodiment of unfathomable evil.' Also, you may have a spelling problem

Catlateral Damage delighted me when it first sauntered onto the scene and calmly wreaked havoc on everything we idiot humans hold dear last August. Its central thesis, the message it hoped to spread to future generations like so much toxoplasmosis? Cats are jerks, and if you leave them alone they will inevitably start breaking all of your things. But what are games if not the 21st Century’s great equalizer? And so, Catlateral Damage allowed you to¬†take on the role of the cat. Revolutionary! But the game didn’t stop there. Oh no. It’s continued to evolve every day since, and now it’s resurfaced on Steam Greenlight with a whole host of new and upcoming features.

As you can see, it’s added a shiny new coat of cel-shaded paint, more items, and a slightly more robust environment. You can play a free version here. But the game is still in alpha, and there’s plenty more to come. For instance:

  • More levels to wreak havoc in
  • Lots more items to destroy
  • New gameplay modes, such as Free Mode and Cat Ops (Stealth Mode)
  • Better graphics, better sound effects, more than 0 music
  • Achievements, because why not!
  • Oculus Rift support

Stealth mode? Be still, my beating heart. Yes, it might end up terrible, needlessly difficult, and consistently frustrating (much like cat ownership!), but the idea is rife with potential hilarity. That’s right, human. Stare aimlessly at your daily paper of unknowable scrawlings. Just a little bit longer and – BOOM – your boiling cup of coffee is now in your lap. Tee-hee I’m a cat, time to go find a surface I haven’t peed on and make you curl up into a fetal ball of pure futility. And then I’ll take a nap on your ribcage!

Between this and Team Meat’s Mew-Genics, I think it’s pretty safe to say that cats are taking over the gaming industry. Oh well, they already rule the Internet and our homes. I suppose this was inevitable.


  1. Spacewalk says:

    Will you be able to sit on the edge of the litter tray and piss all over the floor?

    Wouldn’t be a cat game otherwise.

  2. Russianranger says:

    This game has had a catastrophic effect on my work ethic today. I’m always feline like playing it when I get bored.

    • RedViv says:

      Would be even better with more advanced physics – objects ragdoll all over the place, instead of just lion around after. Could be the bomb, ey.

      • Blackcompany says:

        Does it include the part where the human walks into the room, and you twine apologetically around their ankles, as if nothing is wrong and they should simply ignore the disaster that is their room and love you instead?

        Cause…that would be purrfect.

  3. Anthile says:

    We should have domesticated hedgehogs instead. Or frogs.

  4. Sunjammer says:

    Ah yes, another unity game where they haven’t bothered a jot to improve the fuck-awful example mouse controls. I can spot that trembling garbage a mile away and, fittingly, it turns me 180 degrees at an alarmingly sharp rate.

    If I have one big middle finger to Unity, if any, it’s that every second game that comes out of it these days feels like game dev clip art.

  5. Chaz says:

    My cat was always very nimble when it came to sauntering along objet d’art festooned window sills and shelves. She could creep up behind you like a ninja on the sofa and snatch biscuits right out your hand.

  6. Blackcompany says:

    Edit: Found it on Steam. Which is good, cause I would love to play what amounts to a ‘my cat when he’s hungry simulator.’

    Yes. I have one of those cats. Usually at 2am, when he thinks he is starving. Amazing how, despite the lack of caloric energy, he can go non-stop on my bookshelves and other assorted items until I relent and feed him. Only to then settle down into perfectly contented sleep once more.

    Ahh well. I hope it makes it. I hate Greenlight.

  7. SkittleDiddler says:

    OK then.

  8. Lugg says:

    I think it’s safe to say that cats are the new zombies.

  9. Kollega says:

    You know what’s odd? Our family had cats for many years, and while they do tend to piss or vomit everywhere, and generally be annoying, they very rarely, if ever, threw things down from shelves. So in our experience, this game is tooooootally unrealistic!

    Also, I was thinking of making a first-person cat simulator like this, but it’d be more about exploration than doing things to annoy the humans.

  10. Turkey says:

    This game is like Oblivion with paws.

  11. Jupiah says:

    If this was a real cat simulator instead of knocking things down you’d find a cardboard box and sit inside it for four hours straight. Or you’d repeatedly run up and down the stairs and hallways at mach 2 and jump like a demented gymnast every time someone flinches towards you. Or you’d hide behind the stairway railing and claw the toes of every unsuspecting victim who walks by.

    My cat at least does all those things but he strangely never goes around knocking all my stuff off shelves.

  12. Jahnz says:

    My friend’s cat would perch itself atop shelves and tall speakers. While looking straight at my friend it would lightly paw at and then swat things off said shelves/speakers. That always made me laugh.

    I have always loved cats, and I have never owned a cat. I think that is why I have continued to love cats.

  13. jonahcutter says:

    You people and your indoor-only pets. If any of the cats we had pulled crap like this they’d be booted out of the house so fast it’d make their furry little heads spin. I love watching cats pretend to dignity as they mince away across the back yard after suffering the humiliation of a quick scruff-grab and toss into the backyard with a slammed door as warning of their transgression. And knowing full well they’ll be back groveling and lovey-dovey as soon as they’re hungry.

    “Let’s not forget who owns who here,” I’ll later whisper to them as I pet their purring little subservient forms.

    And this “game” looks about as much fun to play as cleaning up the actual mess. Push a button. Watch things fall over. It’s cute because it’s a badly drawn cat paw!

  14. LionsPhil says:

    But this isn’t how cats knock things over. It isn’t nonchalantly passive-agressive enough. Needs more slowwwly rubbing up against them until they tip juuust past their centre of gravity, while looking innocently in some other direction.

    Or just cleaning your teeth on them until they fall over. Or hooking cables with your tail to drag things connected to them onto the floor.

  15. htpcknyum says:

    It’s entertaining enough, but they’re going to have to put in invert mouse Y-axis in before I shell out for it; I’m currently playing the QWOP cat simulator.