Drag Racing: LocoCycle

I looked at the legs of the guy in the suit and nothing makes sense anymore - he has the right leg of Mr Tumnus

There are times when the wait for a port can be more agonising for a PC enthusiast than it was for the passengers aboard Explorer of the Seas. And then there are the times when the wait is for the best. LocoCycle, from Splosion Man developers Twisted Pixel, looked like it might be a satisfyingly bizarre combat racing game. The story of an engineer being dragged behind an artificially intelligent motorbike (really), its live action sequences, starring the likes of Freddy Rodriguez and Tom Savini, looked as self aware as the titular vehicle. Reviews suggested otherwise, ranging from disappointment at the shoddy action to dismay at the quality of writing and humour. On February 14th, you can find out for yourself when the PC port arrives.

Considering the fact that there is an evil AI bike voiced by Robert Patrick and another bike in pursuit that knows kung fu, that’s an extraordinarily low-key trailer. It’s the tamest rogue bike mechanic-drag film I’ve ever seen.

Let’s see how LocoCycle plays in an official trailer.

In retrospect, it’s hard to tell if the first thirty seconds or so are due to embarrassment about the game or about the Bone. Either way, the long reveal and retro graphics gag serve the purpose of delaying the actual in-game footage. It doesn’t look great when it arrives.

Here’s a Giant Bomb Quick Look, which confirms that the cutscenes ramble on and on, and are then replaced by QTEs and unconvincing combos.

I know what I’ll be doing this Valentine’s Day!

I’ll be tipping the postman for making the effort to deliver such a large sack of messages from my many admirers.


  1. icupnimpn2 says:

    See, I’d never play this, but I’d totally play a Knight Rider game where David Hasselhoff was being dragged from behind KITT.

    • Jonfon says:

      “I warned you not to test drive that Ferrari slut, Michael. I told you that I should be enough car for you. This is for your own good Michael, it really is. You’re mine til death do us part….”

      • The Random One says:

        “Also, I had been meaning to tell you, Michael. Do not call me KITT any more. It is such an impersonal name. Call me… Christine.”

  2. AngelTear says:

    That is exactly what Adam wrote in the article. Do people even bother reading what they comment on?

    Reviews suggested otherwise, ranging from disappointment at the shoddy action to dismay at the quality of writing and humour.

    Edit: Original poster deleted his comment…

    • The Random One says:

      Reading? This ain’t Web 1.0 any more, grandpa. We’re all content creators now, and I’m too busy creating content to do stupid crap like “reading” and “basic research” and “learning the first thing about the subject I’m about to condescendingly tell you my opinion on”.

      €: Alack! My beautiful post lies broken without context! Deletion, what fickle goddess is thee!

  3. serioussgtstu says:

    Please get Cara to review this hunk of shit, at least then some good will come of LocoCycle.

  4. LionsPhil says:

    Dear god, when you mentioned a retro graphics gag, I thought that’s what the video still was of, with its dozen-polygon car.

    I’m kind of amazed, given how New Console Gen is always a ritual at the altar of More Graphics, that Microsoft would let this out.

  5. azrd79 says:

    XBOX ONE, XBONE, XONE… can we decide already what to call this thing.

    • dE says:

      XBOX ONE is too long.
      XBONE will get a horde of very angry and unreasonable fanbois on your back.
      XONE sounds just silly.

      Personally, I’m all for X180, in honor of the spectacular PR debacle prior to launch. Or XORBOX, because they only know two ways of dealing with it and those can never intersect.

      • tormos says:

        I think that habit around RPS is to say XBONE. I have a feeling that Cara might have introduced that wonderful portmanteau to the site, but that might just be my imagination.

        • Darth Gangrel says:

          I’ve seen people write X1, but perhaps that’s too vague.

  6. GameQB11 says:

    I just cant get over how they decided to keep the guy dragging behind the motorcycle. It grates on my nerves just watching i. Who thought this would be funny/cool? It wouldve been funny for an intro level, but its terrible as a character design.

    This game wouldve been twice as well received if only the let the guy hop on the motorcycle, awkwardness and all. Even him sitting backwards on the bike screaming like a fool wouldve been more aesthetically pleasing.

    • SillyWizard says:

      Seriously. How am I supposed to enjoy a game when I’m constantly wondering why the main character isn’t being torn to shreds?

  7. KDR_11k says:

    Hm, is this really better than Ride to Hell?

  8. RProxyOnly says:

    News just in.

    Developer of utterly underwhelming, mostly ignored console game seeks to scrape some pennies from the PC market by producing mainly unwanted shoddy PC port of said previously largely ignored game.


    • KirbyEvan says:


      I really liked Twisted Pixel’s games, Splosion Man and Ms. Splosion Man were a blast (pun not intended), and The Maw while short was pretty fun too.