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Back To Bay-Sick: Transformers - Rise Of The Dark Spark

No no no no no. No.

In order to protect my sanity, I mostly ignore the existence of the current Transformers movie franchise but today, grave news demands that I devote an iota of my attention to Bay’s bilge. The next Transformers game, Rise of the Dark Spark, will bring together the Cybertron universe and the preposterously dull and irritating bullshit of the live action films, including the upcoming Age of Exctinction. That’s something to look forward to. The first trailer is below but I didn’t learn a great deal from it, seeing as I already suspected there would be Transformers in the game. Grimlock appears, which is fun, but he’s in the game because he’s in the next film, which means he’ll probably have a giant phallus made out of an electricity pylon. Development duties have passed from High Moon to Edge of Reality.

I’ll be honest – I’ve only seen the first of Bay’s Transformers films and assorted clips from the others. The action sequences are messy and confused, the attempts at humour are as effective as a spaghetti stepladder, and it’s hard to tell which will have to take out a restraining order against Bay’s camera first – the actresses, the military hardware or the sports cars. I don’t think I need to see any more. Watching the clips in the links at the beginning of this post made me hate cinema.

The news comes via Examiner.com and they note that the DS release will be a strategic RPG rather than an action game. I’d quite like to play a Transformers RPG.

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Adam Smith

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