Rise And Stream: Watch Us Chatter Over (Ugh) Rambo

That is one very shiny man

So I think I’m going to make this Friday night/Saturday morning (depending on your timezone) stream a regular thing. And what better way to christen an official feature than by cursing the name of every major deity and wishing I had never been born? Rambo: The Video Game is not very good. Playing it will likely be An Ordeal. And so, for some reason, Hayden Dingman from PCWorld (who is temporarily living on my floor because I AM SUCH A GOOD PERSON) and I have elected to play it for your amusement/schadenfreude. Prepare to watch us curse through QTEs, bungle forced stealth sections, and generally rage against our machines. The stream will kick off at 9 PM PT/5 AM GMT. It will go until we remember that we are young and still have so much left to live for. Tune in below.

Update: Aaaaaaaaand we’re done! You can watch a recording of the whole thing below.

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  1. baby snot says:

    The left arm. The stare. He’s a T-1000. It’s all falling into place.

    • iniudan says:

      So your saying the game happen in Last Action Hero dimension ?

  2. Spacewalk says:

    I no longer have the correct hair to play a Rambo game so I will have to leave it to you two.

  3. Syphus says:

    Coop? I don’t understand what is going on right now!

  4. Quiffle says:

    This is amazing. I’m too lazy to read anything about this game, but is this on rails ala Area 51 and Time Crisis?

    • Jac says:

      Believe sections of it are. Eurogamer have a review explaining the different Gameplay elements. They suggest that some degree of entertainment can be had from this although I am not convinced I would be capable if I had spent my own money.

  5. Shadowcat says:

    Special award for hair.

  6. Stevostin says:

    This is too choppy, unwatchable. Too bad, that was an interesting hair cut.

  7. MeestaNob says:

    This doesn’t even look that bad. It’s Virtua Cop with steroids. And a terrible Twitch stream.

    • Shadowcat says:

      Yeah, for the style of game it is, it actually looks decent?

  8. Premium User Badge

    amateurviking says:


  9. CookPassBabtridge says:

    Did you know that a man with a hat snuck in behind you and stole your crisps and mountain dew? You can just make him out in some of the shots. Maybe lock your doors or something.

    • Premium User Badge

      Lexx87 says:

      Indeed! Who was that random silent phantom?

      The stream seems fine now it’s offline, enjoyable watch Nathan. Looking forward to next week!

    • Gap Gen says:

      The random people wandering around in the background remind me of the YouTube reviews by Leonard in Community where a guy comes in topless halfway through and says thanks for doing the dishes.

    • TWChristine says:

      I’m not sure if it was just the lighting/shadows, but when Dr. Grant walked up it looked like he had peed his pants..

  10. PopeRatzo says:

    That doesn’t look anything like the guy who played drums for the Beatles.

  11. Turkey says:

    I wish the second player was just Rambo with a blue bandana.

  12. morbiusnl says:

    you seem to enjoy yourself with this game.

  13. Muzman says:

    It’s weird how everyone looks at least vaguely like who they’re supposed to be except the Brian Dennehey character.
    He must have been the only one who looked at this and said “nope! Uh uh!.”
    Stallone just looked at the license fee and reached for the rubber stamp.

  14. waltC says:

    The above video would have been much more entertaining without the peanut gallery…;) You could scarcely hear anything in the game itself over the very informative “Ohhhhhhh” and “This sucks!” and “Ahhhhh….” and “ha-ha-ha!” ranting from the gallery. And, it isn’t necessary to constantly see someone’s mug in the upper left corner of the screen, I think…Much better to *occasionally* hear him comment, and only actually see him a little before and after whatever it was he wanted to demonstrate in game footage.

  15. DanMan says:

    The audio is overmodulated. It hurts.

  16. malkav11 says:

    I am so confused as to why this game exists. What prompts people to spontaneously decide to make a terrible rail-shooter based on movies from 30 years ago? If it had come out in 2008 to coincide with the fourth movie that would make a tiny bit of sense (though it would make more sense to base it on that film), but no.

    • The Random One says:

      What prompts people to spontaneously decide to make a terrible rail-shooter based on movies from 30 years ago?

      “I just got the Rambo IP. What sort of media is selling?”
      “I think video games are.”
      “Perfect. Ask the Rambo IP to anyone who’ll make a videogame of it. But try to avoid people who actually deliver quality work – they tend to go over budget and delay their games.”

      • Premium User Badge

        Jackablade says:

        I suspect it’s more like “our intellectual property rights on the Rambo video game license are about to expire and we need to use it for something otherwise it’s going to be taken away. What’s the quickest, cheapest game we can make with it?”

  17. tomimt says:

    Definetly GOTY material.

  18. xao says:

    Obviously the game has its flaws. But if you’re making a Rambo rail-shooter, obviously you’re not basing it on First Blood. So why wouldn’t you embrace the ridiculousness and make the coop mode dual-wield instead of Rambo and Castor the videogame? Give each player control of one arm. Let either player duck, force player cooperation for the QTEs.

    Flash forward to the sequel about John Rambo’s second career in corporate security and the tragic incident that gets him retrofitted with cybernetic limbs… including legs, each of which is controlled by one of the players. Call it Ramboqwop.

    I’d buy that for a dollar.

  19. Jac says:

    Is a subtle way of saying your bud should remove himself from your floor and return home? I applaud your cunning.

  20. laijka says:

    $17938 at $89 an hour is over 200 hours.

    I wouldn’t call that “for a few hours”. That’s a full time job and then some.

  21. Continuity says:

    How are these bots still getting through, can’t rps implement captcha or something.

  22. KDR_11k says:

    What, you think the mob has worker rights?

  23. aepervius says:

    it does not matter really, those scam pitch simply include a random dollar amount.

  24. Gap Gen says:

    Any mention of family members results in an instaban.

  25. malkav11 says:

    I would rather have an occasional spambot than have to fuck around with captchas on every post. God I hate those things.

  26. TWChristine says:

    Good idea, my brother! No! Wait! I didn’t mean it like that! AAHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh…..

  27. PopeRatzo says:

    And eliminate some perfectly good swear words?

  28. Gap Gen says:

    We’ll let you back in if you cry uncle NOWAITAAAAH

  29. Grygus says:

    Ha ha you guys are some funny motherfAAAAAHHHHH

  30. CookPassBabtridge says:

    “Your person-who-birthed-you is so fat, her BMI is measured in acres”
    Yeah. Doesn’t have have quite the same snap

  31. Gap Gen says:

    An entity with whom I have an acquaintance knows of an entity with whom they share chromosomal similarities that generates considerable economic value from their place of residence, despite not being formally recognised as contributing to the system of goods and services for several lunar cycles. I now direct you to this uniform resource locator, which shall divest you of your meagre wealth whilst promising to perform the opposite service.

  32. grimdanfango says:

    Agreed, captcha is just about the most irritating thing the internet has ever spawned.

    I move that we should begin a systematic program of bot-shaming. This thread is a fine example – draw attention to their questionable mathematics!

  33. Premium User Badge

    PoulWrist says:

    Or just, you know, captcha when signing up to a new account.

  34. SuicideKing says:

    Lol. ^This.