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Thief's Loading Tips Offer Sage Advice For Us All

As I played Thief non-stop for three days, as well as only dreaming Thief-based dreams, and perhaps losing my mind somewhere along the way, I began to notice that the loading screen tips were providing me the sort of advice I could take away from the game. Thief may not directly cause me to turn to a life of crime, but there’s wisdom in those briefly appearing words that will stay with me forever.

As a human being who operates his body without the use of a mouse and keyboard, there’s a good deal of advice in there that perhaps doesn’t pertain to us all. While I think we can all accept the concept that hiding unconscious bodies is a smart move for a mugger, “holding E” is unlikely to aid them in such circumstances. And despite my firm belief that “swooping” is a movement style we should all add to our repertoires, few of us can achieve this by pressing a spacebar. But Thief’s loading tips go beyond which key is for what, and I think the smart mind would be open to listening about now.

There’s common sense you might overlook:

Then there’s useful advice for those navigating the streets, or perhaps taking part in an activity:

Some advice is just plain strange:

And I’m fairly sure this one is telling me to take heroin:

There’s some top tips for getting work:

And for avoiding work:

This is the best guide to becoming more cultured I’ve ever encountered:

But most of all, I hope what we can all learn from Thief is this:

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John Walker

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One of the original co-founding robots of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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