To The BetaMobile: Infinite Crisis Open Beta

Last night, for the second time in my life, I tried to play a MOBA. Infinite Crisis may not be the best choice but I figured the people playing might have spent slightly less time pounding the lanes than the veteran e-thletes of LOL and DOTA 2. Not so. The open beta began this weekend but almost every player seems to be visiting from elsewhere within the genre. There is a tutorial mode of sorts, in which a team of humans fight against bots. If a MOBA were a pair of trousers, I think I’m now at the point where I’d struggle to put them on but I’d be able to explain where the legs are supposed to go. I’d almost certainly fail to zip up the flies though and would inexplicably fill the pockets with termites or blancmange. Launch trailer below.

Why did I choose to play this? I have a soft spot for DC, despite the crappiness of around 48 parts of the New 52. When I was around thirteen, I discovered a few boxes of old comics and magazines in the loft, and I was for more interested in the stacks of ancient Batman comics than the back issues of Playboy. One issue with back issues of gentleman’s literature is that you don’t know who else has issued forth in too-close proximity.

That may well be true of Batman comics as well, particularly if they feature Bruce Wayne in his finest banana-chomping, egg-swilling topless mode, but I had to know how this sad event had come to pass and who could resist the good times that were concealed by this cover? An adventure so grand that it keeps Batman and Robin glued to the page, the big egomaniacs.

I don’t think the license alone is enough to keep my interest here though. Just as I’d refuse to wear a onesie even if it had a neat batsuit design, complete with utility belt, I’m struggling to find a reason to return to this or any other MOBA. I just don’t have the necessary time to invest in the testing early stages. Or perhaps I just need a better class of MOBA. And onesie.

Mmmmmm…cashmere onesie. Or, dare I say, Bruce Wayne excess torso hair onesie.


  1. GernauMorat says:

    “One issue with back issues of gentleman’s literature is that you don’t know who else has issued forth in too-close proximity.”

    Christ, you nearly cost me a keyboard with that one. Must remember to not read RPS with a mouthful of tea!

  2. Noburu says:

    Im burned the fuck out on MOBAs now. I had hopes for Dawngate and its just turned into the same old thing. Tried Dota and its way over my head for the time i can devote to it. If i go back it to MOBAs, IF, it will be to league.

    • loloquaker says:

      So far, Infinite is quite close to LoL in a lot of ways.
      But god, the balance. Oh god.
      My main problem is not that the characters are imbalanced, but the basic game is imbalanced in itself (IMHO, btw). Towers hurt. Really. But they go down really fast. Leaving your lane for a gank means you’ll lose at least one tower. That bothers me a lot, especially when a tower dive is not permitted. YOU WILL DIE BY THE TOWERS IF YOU TRY.
      So far, the jungler’s role is the funniest for me: you’re the one ruining the lane of people by ganking without leaving your lane “free to destroy”.

      • DrollRemark says:

        There are many words in this post.

        • loloquaker says:

          I supposed i used a bit too much jargon in this. I’m sorry. Do you want me to explain more precisely?

      • jrodman says:

        Wait, what’s funny about that jungle role? It seems like junglers would be more important than ever if they’re the only ones who can gank without being likely to lose more than they gain.

        Also when is it easy to knock down towers? My experience in DOTA2 is that it takes a lot of concerted effort in the early game but might not be much of a challenge with certain builds in the later game.

    • Zankmam says:

      What are your issues with Dawngate?

      I actually like it a lot and I feel that the things that it does differently from LoL are all positives.

  3. jrodman says:

    That chesthair quantity isn’t really THAT unusual. However the bizarre bicep shape looks cancerous.

    Also his right shoulder seems to have suffered a fold in the spacetime continuum.

  4. Darth Gangrel says:

    Is it just me or does Superman look like Liam Hemsworth here. I never thought of him as a potential Superman actor, but neither did I think of Ben Affleck as Batman. I’ve seen many Superman versions, but they always have him with curly hair and a lock of hair down his forehead, but not in this one. His hair is completely different here.