Office Offal: Corporate Lifestyle Simulator

Dawn Of The Dead contained some brilliant social commentary. The zombies were in a shopping mall, you see, which made the audience think about the herd-like cannibalistic nature of modern consumerism. Genius! If the film had been set in a school it would have contained brilliant social commentary about the mindless clones created by the education system. If it had been set in any branch of a popular chain of coffee shops it would have contained brilliant social commentary about the herd-like nature of coffee consumerism. If it had been set in a thrift shop it would have been about the rise and fall of the hipster.

Corporate Lifestyle Simulator is an isometric action game set in an office. Your co-workers are now zombies.

The trailer confused me by banging on about how ‘new’ everything is, even though this is the first I’ve heard of the game. Turns out it was released a while ago and has now been relaunched with a new title, new bosses, new levels, and other assorted bits and pieces. The original version was simply called ‘Zombies’, which meant that nobody had any chance whatsoever of finding it using an internet search.

Available on Steam, it looks like a hectic bloodbath with tongue proudly protruding through the hole in its rotting cheek. I think it’s possible to kill the zombies with a stapler, although I may be imagining that because I’ve always been a bit scared of staplers since – and this is true – the kid I sat next to in physics when I was thirteen used to spend entire lessons just firing staples into his hand.

I reckon those lessons are a major reason for my affection for and apprehension regarding the films of David Cronenberg and Shinya Tsukamoto.


  1. Detocroix says:

    Did he end up giving keys to people he sold bundles to?

    • Baines says:

      The second news item visible on the game’s Steam store page is about Steam keys being sent out to various owners, and even includes a support link if you have problems. It mentions several sources for the game.

      It didn’t mention Groupees, but my Groupees profile page had a Steam key listed when I checked it (for way back in Build a Bundle 4).

      Of course, Steam Community promptly broke when I tried to see if there were any earlier news posts. Good job Steam, can you not manage to stay functional for even 24 hours these days? (And yes, double checking a Steam status site showed the problem wasn’t on my side.)

      • CookPassBabtridge says:

        Some “investigative journalism” has started up on the webbernetz about this very issue (link to, and you could say with good reason. Steam seems to be going through an extremely unstable patch lately, and this is one of those times when Valve’s enigmatic (e.g. say bugger all) approach is probably not wise.

        My experience over the past few weeks has been very poor, with either the community or store breaking multiple times. I was unable to purchase games on two occasions, with the payment process failing, and the article above shows its quite regular. DUBBLE YOU TEE EOUGH STEEM

        EDIT: Yup can’t buy a game right now either.

        • Jalan says:

          investigative journalism…

          How could CookPassBabtridge possibly be fooled by this?

          • CookPassBabtridge says:

            I…I’m sorry #-_-#
            In my defence, there are quote marks.

        • TWChristine says:

          It’s funny (well, not “funny”, but you know what I mean) because just last night I was talking to a friend on Steam, and after several drops I started ranting about how awful it’s been the last few patches. I think they might’ve been doing some NSA type snooping, because in the middle of it I then lost Steam for the rest of the night.

          • CookPassBabtridge says:

            Yeah steam has been a bag of pants lately, though in that regard it has saved me ~£40 as I couldn’t restrain myself from trying to buy Ether One and OMSI2.

            Also by the by… UTTERLY ADDICTED to ETS2 :) Can’t find any hotdogs though. Do I need an Enswedening mod?

            EDIT: OK GOG has Ether One for $17, which is £10, which is £2 cheaper than Steam which I can’t buy through anyway. No, says the man at Steam. Your copy of Ether One belongs to the Server. But by the sweat of my brow, I now have it on GOG!

    • BarneyL says:

      I’ve just checked my IndieGameStand account and found there was a Steam key waiting there for me.

  2. DrScuttles says:

    As much as I like Dawn of the Dead it always struck me that once people began telling him it was such a cutting edge social commentary, Romero started believing them. And believing he was good at it. Just look at the terrible Land, Diary and Survival of the Dead.

    And what I would give to play a Staple Psychopath Simulator.

    • jorygriffis says:

      I think you’re right. We’ll always have Night, though.

    • Muzman says:

      Hey, Land is cool. Be quiet!

      • RobF says:

        Yeah, I like Land. It’s a very fitting end, considering.

        Could have done with some better production values, looking very much like an eighties film made in 2005 but other than that, I enjoy it. The end is predictable as anything but very nicely executed.

        I dunno, probably about five years too early to really ride the 1% vibe though.

        • DrScuttles says:

          I’ll grant you that Asia Argento was in it, and she’s awesome.

    • hypercrisis says:

      That was there from the beginning, Romero wrote the zombies as a symbol of revolution in Night.

    • DThor says:

      Yeah, I blame Roger Ebert, bless him, for being the first (again) to raise a genre movie to something a bit more clever than it really was. It was the Age of the Auteur, when you could do a movie called The Deer Hunter and this made you Best Evah.

      Wait wait I just re-read the original article and… hipsters have *fallen*???

  3. MistaJah says:

    Heya Tom it’s Bob, from the office down the hall…

    • SominiTheCommenter says:

      Go file that TPS report ASAP!

      • MistaJah says:

        Good to see ya buddy how’ve ya been? Things have been okay for me except that I’m a zombie now…

  4. eightohnine says:

    I am heavily reminded of the original two X-COM games. It’s probably the single wall-segments that get blown away. I’d so LOVE to see a reimagining of the original X-COM with these graphics. Obviously turn-based, same base-development/unit upgrading elements, more procedurally generated battlefields, minus the tedious interface and I’d be a very happy camper.

  5. SuicideKing says:

    Lovely soundtrack!