Kingdom Of Slothing: Sloth Quest Has Silly Controls, Balrogs


If Sloth Quest looked like a lazy, one-note joke game, I’d be inclined to make some kind of crack about slow news days, but there are hints of something far greater stirring below its QWOP/GIRP-ish surface. The basic idea is that you control that most fearsome of jungle predators, the sloth, in its beautiful, nigh-poetic journey to, I don’t know, climb shit or whatever. However, I spotted some wonderfully bizarre moments in its trailer, like an astronaut sloth and a boss fight against the Balrog from Lord of the Rings. Yeah, on the spectrum of “simulators,” this one’s looking a lot more Goat than Warehouse and Logistics.

I like the part where there are alligators in the trees. Oh, and that whole Balrog thing, but that’s what you were expecting me to say. Here’s Sloth Quest’s basic premise:

“Inspired by challenging games such as GIRP and Sexy Hiking, Sloth Quest takes a twist on the typical platformer by allowing you to climb like a sloth. Your Sloth has been wronged by the other animals of the jungle, and it is time to seek justice.”

The actual moment-to-moment physics-based swinging seems like it could quickly grow tiresome, but that’s kinda the nature of these things. The controls are so painful that the act of repeated failure becomes its own sort of comedy. That said, the game’s non-linear jungle looks to offer a treasure trove of gags and secrets, so it might just be worth agonizing your way through.

That is, if vigilante sloth justice isn’t enough of an intrinsic reward for you. Sloth Quest will be out sometime this year, and it’s currently dragging its languid limbs up the endless vine/deadly snake that is Steam Greenlight. If you’re feeling so inclined, you might as well give it a push. And really, how can you say “no” to that face you initially thought nothing of only to realize you’d scream yourself mute if you ever saw it approach you in a pitch-black alley or creep out from under your bed or ask you for a ride back from Chad’s place because it’s totally gone? How indeed.


  1. Alpharadious says:

    Oh deeeamn. What a stuff. I’m seeing game about Sloth fighting the Balrog. This trip is magnificent.

    • tormos says:

      What if, bear with me here man, What if we are all this sloth?

  2. Simon_Scott says:

    I’d buy this, but only if they change the name to Sloth Saga.

  3. Jimmy says:

    No, no, no.

    The “something that must be done” is to reskin chivalry: medieval warfare with reference to this excellent comic by Roman Dirge.