It doesn’t matter how many ASCII indie games I play, sometimes I have an itch only shite cutscenes can scratch. Sometimes I want to be told what to do. Sometimes I want to be told what to do by expensively animated, grumbly-voiced cartoons. Sometimes I just want to be able to lean back in my chair and let the game get on with it.
Thankfully: Ubisoft*. They’re releasing Watch Dogs on May 27th. I want to walk around its Chicago, hack its traffic lights, leap across its rooftops, burrow into my friends’ games and follow them around without them knowing. But I also want it to lead me by the nose, pointing me in the right direction with the pomp of big-budget cinematics. It’s comforting.
In other words, there is a place in my life for teenage fantasies writ large, and this nine-minute breakdown of every Watch Dogs feature is full of them.
How easy it would be to snipe and pick this apart, but no. I choose to focus on how beautiful the city looks, on how cool the ambient multiplayer stuff might be, and on how silly the spider-mech “Digital Trip” stuff looks.
Also, I think it has a chess mini-game? If nothing else, Ubisoft are very good at filling their games with ridiculous amounts of stuff, regardless of quality. You think Watch Dogs is a game about a hacker in a baseball cap overthrowing an oppressive city? Here is a sentence from the video’s narration: “Rampaging through a hellish version of Chicago in Madness, fuel your ride with the souls of the damned to outrun the firey-eyed demons hot on your tail.”
OK. OK, yes, I’ll do that.
*Also thankfully: EA, Activision, Capcom… Oh, all of them.