Pootling around Gotham City in the Batmobile on a sunny Sunday afternoon certainly sounds pleasant, but what the dickens is Batman doing in Arkham Knight that he needs that all that firepower? Battling tanks in the streets for some baffling reason, a five-minute gameplay trailer out of E3 shows. But look, I won’t harp on that because oh my giddy aunt the game looks gorgeous as he swoops above the city and screeches through its streets. It’s the Batexperience I Batdreamed of.
You know what, nuts to the story! Blow the tank battles! Cram the combat with walnuts, ugly! Give me those streets, those skies, and that horrible beautiful glowing dirty city and I’ll be happy. It’s exactly what I asked for. I want to swing from skytrains, scale skyscrapers, and plough through parks with a considerable degree of disrespect for public property.
Though I myself do not even litter, I was delighted to see the Batmobile plough through stone stairs and planters in a park. The Batmobile is horrible overkill and overcompensation on wheels, roaring angst, not a car that gets snagged on corners or stuck trying to do a three-point turn. I’m sure he’ll donate money to build a whole new park anyway. Like that’ll bring it back. Or them. See a psychiatrist, you big baby. And no, punching the Scarecrow’s teeth in doesn’t count.