Bread Or Alive: TF2 ‘Love And War’ Adds Bread Weapons

It’s day two of Team Fortress 2’s latest hyper-elaborate update, Love and War. Yesterday we got love in the form of dances and other taunts/expressions, but today, well, I’ll just let Futurama handle this one. This isn’t just any old regular war – the sort you might find at the bottom of the bargain bin at your local War Mart – though. No, no, this war has, um, bread. Oozing green teleporter-mutated bread, because Team Fortress 2’s sense of humor is nothing if not incredibly specific. You will find deet meats for this information sandwich below.

The update includes a number of more traditional weapons like a new “classic” sniper rifle, a rocket launcher, parachutes, and an equippable boat wheel, but the special bread arsenal definitely takes the cake and/or loaf.

The new weapon set is inspired by the 15-minute TF2 short film that debuted yesterday, and – fittingly, given that the movie was called Expiration Date – it’s a limited time offer. Bread items will be obtainable by way of crafting a bread box, the recipe for which expires on July 9th.

It’s luck of the draw with bread boxes, but each time you craft one you have a chance of getting the Self-Aware Beauty Mark (a new and especially gross Jarate item), the Snack Attack (which looks like evil toothy bread with machine parts attached for some reason), the equally toothy Bread Bite gloves, or a glass of soothing (and healing) Mutated Milk. There are also new achievements to accompany all of this.

The update is now live. It seems rather thin, all things considered, but the concept’s fun. What say you, TF2-playing RPS readers? Are you armed and bready, or do you think Valve is taking the yeast-y way out here? (Yeah, OK, that last one was kinda reaching.)


Top comments

  1. CookPassBabtridge says:

    Heavy = Fat Jason Statham
  2. Skabooga says:

    I'm going to have a sit down and reevaluate some things.
  1. Spacewalk says:

    Flour power.

  2. kwyjibo says:

    I think Valve spent longer on the 15 minute animation than they did with the game.

    • soldant says:

      Got to be honest, this sort of ridiculous content turned me off the game. It’s a mess.

      On the other hand, I love the comics and short videos like this. The game had a massive amount of character for a team-based multiplayer shooter. I feel like they’ve diluted that in the game to the point where it’s lost with crazy things like bread fists and ridiculous hats and things.

      • Goretex says:

        Yea cuz cosmetic items really change the gameplay sooooo much…. You are a fucking clown get the fuck here and go play gin rummy you old fart. You are prolly trash at TF2 and always have been.

      • TechnicalBen says:

        I agree. There is fun and there is game. Nothing wrong with a bit of both. But imagine trying to follow football, but with the dress sense the same as the Rio Carnivals. That would be difficult. :P

  3. yhancik says:

    Clearly, bread is the new zombie link to

  4. Gilead says:

    I’ll baguette this update as soon as I can. It’s the yeast I can do to show respect for the continuing development of TF2, even dough it has been a while since the last one.

    • Geebs says:

      Getting carried away? I think your prose was a bit floury there.

      • Kollega says:

        I think we all should face the hard truth: TF2 is long past being stale, and it wouldn’t change even if new updates were baked every month. The very concept of the game was crumbling away ever since the Classless Update.

        • RedViv says:

          Puri-tty sure there is a fair number of people enjoying the game as it has turned out. Just let it go, broa.

          • Darth Gangrel says:

            TF2 might be cheesy, but there’s also a lot of meat in that sandwich and it’s not even a sub(scription) sandwich.

          • Skabooga says:

            As ridiculous as it is, rye’ll still end up going back to TF2 to have a play with this new update.

          • videogangs says:

            It can get stale, but it’s always worth playing a few rounds at our next bran party.

        • xp194 says:

          I for one am beginning to loaf the complexity the new weapons bring to the game.

    • Vodka, Crisps, Plutonium says:

      So with this update Pyro will be able to make enemies toast?

  5. Tei says:

    They do this because the superior alternative, Bacon Blade, is trademarked.

  6. noom says:

    New taunts are a lot of fun. Think the most significant change is the nerfing of stickies for demo though.

    • Synesthesia says:


      • phelix says:

        That’s what you get when you add new weapons ad infinitum that throw all notions of balance out of the window, and listen to whiny people who can’t deal with stickies, instead of telling them to grow a pair and learn how to airblast/shotgun.

        Okay okay, I’m awfully ranty today. I’ll get my coat.

        • Vendae says:

          Here I got the impression Valve itself thinks that the sticky is overpowered.

          Myself? Don’t know what to say. I’m definitely subpar at TF2, so maybe my opinion is not of much interest to you, but I think the stickybombs are mostly fair while certainly exploitable, and the recent change certainly addresses that.

          (Been messing with my poor XHTML)

          • MM1011 says:

            Welllll stickies have been constantly complained about from Day 1, and for good reason. At a high enough skill level, Demo’s effectively a faster Soldier with 3x more rockets and tons more utility, and that’s mostly thanks to just his Sticky Launcher. I think the main thing Valve wanted was to encourage more sticky traps and pipe use. You used to see them used a lot in TFC, but in TF2 it’s so easy to airburst stickies over the enemy that why would you waste time waiting for enemies to come to your stickies? Just throw them at him. Likewise, pipes are hard to hit with. Why pain yourself trying to hit a moving, intelligent target when you can just throw a sticky in the general area and do the same or slightly less damage?

            Airbursting is still a viable option, but if that’s the only thing the Demo does he’s going to be a much weaker Demo compared to the one who uses other techniques.

    • Jalan says:

      The Conga taunt may be the best troll device ever. I was on a Hale server and over half the active players were joining in on the conga line, including the player who happened to be Hale. All the while maybe two players were bitching about how it was delaying their “killin’ people” time.

  7. Kollega says:

    I’ll just leave this here. And this. That’s right, TF2 was always like it is today…

  8. El Spidro says:

    I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.

    • Koozer says:

      I am imagining you motionless in a simple wooden chair, staring into space with the blank expression of a man who has seen and done terrible things.

  9. Eukatheude says:

    Used to love tf2 and tf2 related stuff. Now I could care less about this stuff. Feels strange to be so jaded about it.

    • Maxheadroom says:

      So you care a little bit then? Or maybe a whole lot?
      I’ve never understood the american bastardisation of that phrase. The only level of caring you’re ruling out by saying you COULD care less is ‘not caring at all’ (because negative caring is impossible) which is exactly what you’re trying to convey.

      Also you say Aluminium wrong

  10. CookPassBabtridge says:

    Heavy = Fat Jason Statham

  11. Kollega says:

    I’ll just leave this here. And this. That’s right, TF2 was always like it is today…

  12. Vendae says:

    Shut up and take my dough!

  13. Antsy says:

    And I thought hats were a half baked idea.

  14. CookPassBabtridge says:

    link to

  15. LionsPhil says:

    So they make a scout shotgun that looks like it has two great big drum barrels, then give it a lower ammo limit.

    More worryingly, they give a weapon with guaranteed from-behind minicrits to the fastest, most mobile class. The Backburner is already deadly enough. This is like making a fast Spy.

    • The Random One says:

      A fast spy that can’t disguise or go invisible. But yeah, I can think of the kind of Scout player that’ll run this into the ground.

      • Jalan says:

        So far each server I’ve played has had multiple scouts with that damned gun. I was on Turbine for a bit, just as an example, and one scout on the opposing team was basically owning the central junction point of the map between the intel areas. Each time anyone would try to make the mistake of going for the intel, he’d swoop in and plug them at close range then jump off to the health spawns to the left and right. Annoying doesn’t really do it justice, but it’s likely to be something that gets rebalanced.

  16. Lemming says:

    And what about those of us with wheatgerm allergies, eh? Typical Valve, catering to the privileged.