Return Of The Hustle Kings: Pure Pool

I’ve been receiving my pool fix from Pool Nation in recent times, when I’m not clattering balls across Manchester’s most beer-stained cloth in the basement of The Bay Horse. Previously, if I wanted to fail at trick shots in the comfort of my own home, I had to crank up my PS3 and play Hustle Kings, which has the greatest menu music that the world has ever known. The team behind the game have returned with Pure Pool, which is due out ‘soon’. It looks very shiny, which makes me lament the lack of a pool game set in a dingy pub. I’d feel right at home.

It’s coming to the new Xbox and Playstation as well as PC, although I can’t find any information about whether cross-platform play will be included for online leagues and the rather sinister ‘DNA profile’ head to head. From what I can gather, the game will be able to mimic your skill so that friends can play against you when you’re AFK skydiving or hanging out in the VIP lounge at some fancy cocktail bar. Presumably, Pure Pool accomplishes this by extracting your DNA and creating a clone with limited awareness that is installed in a small cubicle, occasionally twitching with recognition of its appalling half-life while waiting for a ‘new game’ message to ping onto the screen embedded in its face.

On a side note, there seems to be an unwritten rule that every press release for a pool game has to include a ‘pardon me, vicar’ ‘nudge nudge’ joke about balls. This one simply says ‘Balls out…’. We get it. Testicles. It’s a silly trend and I certainly wouldn’t stoop to that level myself. Well, maybe, provided they weren’t dangling too low.

11 Comments

  1. Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

    I suppose it is better than “Poolatar”.

  2. Simon_Scott says:

    “Balls out” is a reference to the governor on a steam engine isn’t it?

  3. ran93r says:

    It might be my foggy perception but it seems like all Pool/Snook games come with a horrible JRock soundtrack.
    Can’t we just have an ambient track of old blokes coughing and chavs getting into an argument at the bar about the bloke eyeing up some other dirty slapper?

  4. Safari Ken says:

    Pool Nation definitely has great physics, and is a decent game of pool, but I hate the aesthetics. This game looks much nicer in that regard, so I hope the actual pool-playing is as good. That said, I honestly would prefer a dingy pub as a backdrop. That’s the most natural habitat for a pool table, in my opinion. It should at least be an option!

  5. CookPassBabtridge says:

    When the music came on, I felt the urge to turn my volume down in case my flatmate thought I was watching a… an adult feature.

  6. Pazguato says:

    Please, help. As an old fan of old Jimmy White’s ‘Whirlwind’ Snooker what pool game should be playing nowadays?

    • oldgamer4 says:

      If you liked Jimmy White’s – then Virtual Pool 4 is your best bet. The presentation is pretty drab, but it’s the closest thing to real pool, and snooker too.

      In fact you should all play that. Not this, with its poorly lit bars and preposterous ‘DNA profile’ nonsense.