The Many Downfalls Of QWOP: Double Hitler

File this one under ‘physics-based alternate history biography’ along with all the others in that particular pile. Double Hitler is a free browser game in which the player controls two toddlers wearing a large coat and pretending to be an adult. Rather than trying to sneak into a movie or dodging truancy punishments by pretending to be their own father, these little tykes decide to join an art school. And when they fluff the entrance exam by scribbling all over the walls in an attempt to copy a drawing of a urinating monkey, they become enraged and act out. By becoming a dictator.

The toddlers are Hitler, controlled QWOP-style.

It’s a very short game based around a single gag but it’s a good gag. The joke doesn’t work quite as well as it might have done if the entire rise and fall had been accidental – a combination of innocence and tantrums – rather than a deliberate act of vengeance, but a toffee-voiced man shouts ‘Mein Fuhrer!’ in shock whenever the toddlers topple, and that’s good enough for me.

Beyond the joke, Double Hitler does a couple of interesting things with the QWOP formula. The legs of the lower child are controlled using two buttons on the keyboard and the leaning of the upper child is controlled using the mouse buttons. It’s easy to walk across a room and the tots would be able to outrun a QWOP athlete without breaking a sweat (or their cover). Problem is, walking around isn’t enough. They have to do Hitler things, like pumping up a crowd and drawing battleplans on a map. That involves manipulating an arm using the movement of the mouse while maintaining balance and adjusting positionining as necessary.

Here I am playing the game while using obtrusive screen capture software.

Oh lord. I just wrote an entire paragraph about the control system of a game about two children pretending to be Hitler. Or actually being Hitler, I guess, since he obviously didn’t exist in the world of Double Hitler. I recorded myself playing it. The more disturbing fact is that I completed it and still haven’t finished Mass Effect 1. This is shorter though, to be fair.

Via blame Craig Pearson.


  1. P-Dizzle says:

    I think we have all had this idea for a game before.

  2. sinister agent says:

    It makes his singular testicle all the more tragic.

  3. Synesthesia says:

    ok, theres no way im doing the part at the screenshot. But now i want to see what happens! I demand a spoiler video.

    • jonfitt says:

      Yeah. That point in the screenshot is a massive difficulty spike to impossible.

    • NachoPiggy says:

      Sorry for not capturing a video instead, but this is pretty much the final scene of the game, with a rather worried and paranoid sounding officer talking to a clearly air headed F├╝hrer.

      link to

      And yes I toppled over so much at the final map I ended with negative points.

  4. Tei says:

    My plan is to clone hitler (5 million times), then give them a part of the desert of irak. I think the humanity will pre-judge them. So classic. Its only a gedankenexperiment experiment.

  5. Freud says:

    Achtung baby.

  6. chesh says:

    While I admit that it is a pretty funny concept, I feel like the developer probably ought to have sat back at some point and asked themselves “Do I really want to make a game where you play Literally Hitler?”. Hopefully, the answer would be a resounding NO.

    • TychoCelchuuu says:

      I don’t think you play as literally Hitler. I’m pretty sure the actual Hitler wasn’t two children.

    • WiggumEsquilax says:

      You’re playing Hitlers. Plural. So it’s okay.

    • WinTurkey says:

      Hearts of Iron IV is coming out within the next year, playing as literally Hitler stopped being a taboo a while ago.

  7. iMad says:

    Games about sniping Hitler’s balls and making childish joke of him is fun and all (if not overdone to death) but when are we getting games of other dictators? I’d rather not be in my deathbed to finally see “Seek & Find Saddam Hussein/Osama bin Laden?” or “Papers Please; North Korea edition”.

  8. MadTinkerer says:

    So if someone is worse than Double Hitler, that would be invoking Double Godwin’s Law?