The Risen 3 Report, Day 6: The Price Of A Monkey

What price a life? Specifically, what price a simian life? Specifically, what price a helper monkey trained in thievery?

I’m not being rhetorical: I have an answer for you. The price is 1000 gold and 5000 Glory. (Glory is what I get for defeating enemies and completing quests, and I can use it to increase my skills, in this case Influence. I need to be extremely influential in order to convince a monkey to nick stuff for me, you see).

But you must look beyond the numbers. I arrived at Taranis poor and inglorious, having spent everything on learning how to not be immediately killed the first time I got hit, and training in how to pull teeth and claws from animals.

In short, I was not a viable candidate for monkey adoption. Not unless I found a particularly gullible monkey who also shunned currency as a system of trade. There was no sign of one of those, so instead I hit the road in search of gold and glory. I found it at the end of my sword.

Here is what my pet monkey – I think I’ll call him Roberto – really cost.

The lives of:

  • Five Hulk Chickens (‘Scavengers’, to use their real name)
  • Eight Sand Devils
  • Four Giant Crabs
  • Six Dragon Snappers
  • Two Cave Bats
  • Two Giant Rats
  • Three Warthogs
  • One Leviathan (pictured above)
  • Three Goblins
  • One Shadow Guardian
  • And one poor duck who got caught in the crossfire. Sorry, ducky.


All those souls, just for this one monkey. Just for gold and glory. So much blood. So much death. I’m… a monster.

A monster with a monkey. Don’t try to tell me it wasn’t worth it:

Tiny, hairy freedom. It’s a great, great feeling. Yessir, thievery is the only game in town so far as I’m concerned. Roberto might be a blessing to the light-fingered (not to mention that he seems to spread cheer wherever he goes), but he’s just the icing on an already well-baked cake. In theory, I’m on Taranis to gain the help of the mages in the battle against evil ghost pirates and the quest to reclaim my missing soul from hell, but so far I’ve been disinclined to chat with them. Which is partly because everyone I’ve spoken to so far is so damned rude, and partly because I immediately got on with the business of burglary.

I’m rather good at it, if I say so myself. For the most part it’s timing, waiting for guards to turn their backs then sneaking into an office or warehouse and swiping everything in sight (almost all of which I hoard, Just In Case), but every so often they’re too alert, or there’s no sufficient oversight in their patrol routes for me to take advantage of.

That’s when I Parrot Up. It doesn’t last long, but it’s long enough to reach a high window, and the guards are never bothered by a blue bird sniffing around their stuff.

My single greatest fear is running out of Parrot Juice. I’ve only got six shots of it left and have yet to locate a reliable source for resupplies. Parrot Juice is in fact a special kind of voodoo doll which grants me temporary Parrot Power when… used. I am unclear as to exactly how the doll is used, and whether some poor victim parrot somewhere finds itself temporarily transformed into a sweary pirate with a missing soul whenever I do use it. I do hope not. I’m sure that parrot’s family and friends would be severely traumatised were that the case.

In any case, witness the parrotness:

This world is full of small tunnels for monkeys and high windows for parrots. It’s almost as if everyone wants me to steal all their stuff. So I jolly well will.

There is, however, a big stormcloud around my the silver lining that is my menagerie of petty thieves. Bones has vanished. He’s been missing for hours. I’m heartbroken. I may have Roberto, but an adventure without Bones is no adventure at all. Where could he be?


  1. Paul says:

    I am sorry for slight OT, but how is it possible, that this absolutely beautiful game (seriously I am impressed every time I play it, especially since it was made by only 25 people) looks like shit on your videos? Is it a matter of low graphical details? Or shitty video compression ?

    • DrollRemark says:

      I think there’s a severe amount of compression involved. I had to turn the monkey video up from 480p not for better detail, but just for some detail.

  2. Alistair says:

    Just finished this. 55 hours. Loads of fun. Better than the piratey AC and better than Dark Souls.

    • felisc says:

      “Better than Dark Souls”, Sir, meet me at the top of the hill tomorrow at 7am. I will knock some good sense into you.
      The game sounds great, though.

    • Voice of Majority says:


    • Paul says:

      I enjoyed both Dark Souls games, they are great, but frankly I enjoyed Risen and Gothic series more. Simply because it offers more of what I enjoy in games most – more exploration, more dialogue (which can be quite funny). Combat is obviously worse, but combat is not that important to me.

  3. Sidewinder says:

    I couldn’t help but notice that in that second screenshot, you’re not actually getting a monkey, but the ability to train monkeys; a distinction I can’t help but feel is rather significant. Are you limited to only one, or do we finally have the ability to create Timesplitters: Pirate Edition? Even if not, can you train up an army? Make yourself a simian crime kingpin? Build an empire only to have it come crashing down when a local baboon hero rallies your monkeys to his cause, breaks into your banana storehouse, and deposes you to create a proto-planet of the apes? And the only way to stop him is by sneaking into his room late at night and informing him that monkeys aren’t actually apes?

    Because if a game let you do that, it’d be really weird if they didn’t use it as a selling point.

    • instantcoffe says:

      You actually get a monkey in your pocket that you can take out whenever.

      • willy359 says:

        …and he’s stealing all my change.
        His eyes are bright and glassy.
        I suspect that he’s deraaaaaaaanged!

  4. kament says:

    Join the natives on Kila, Alec, and you’ll never run out of Parrot Juiceā€”provided you’ll have enough jade to learn the spell. (12 pieces, if I recall.) Or you could simply resupply there.

    Also, when you teleport somewhere, Bones should reappear right there with you. After your reunion you might want to tell him to wait every time you go on parrot spree, so that later you could return to that spot and retrieve him.

  5. Horg says:

    With every installment bringing about the death of yet another innocent duck, i’m becoming increasingly convinced that Alec is suffering from Anatidaephobia. This may be attributed to the unfortunate collateral death of ‘Peaceful Duck’ during the suspicious duck hunt, and reflects Alec’s subconscious belief that all Ducks, everywhere, are now judging him.

    • WiggumEsquilax says:

      But they are judging him. Right now.

      Behind and above you, Alec. Just out of your line of sight.

      They’re always there.

  6. caff says:

    “Witness the parotness.”

    This is why I love RPS.

    For anyone stumbling into this article wondering what the hell’s going on, read it from part 1 onwards. It’s very funny.

  7. Cvnk says:

    Me watching the arm wrestling video: “Oh God, no.”

    Me watching the monkey thief video: “Oh God, yes.”

  8. blastaz says:

    The real question is is this as good/bad as risen 2? If so it’s a definite buy come the Xmas sale.

    • Harlander says:

      Good/bad? Yes, it looks like it’s both

    • Paul says:

      It is better than Risen 2, which was also great though, and quite close to Risen 1. Better in some aspects, worse in others.

    • Morlock says:

      The best of the Risens and ranking 3rd among the Gothics. Definitely better than Risen 2. Slightly better than Risen 1 due to a more consistent level of quality, though it lacks the pure magic of Risen 1’s first few hours. In fact, the prologue may be the weakest part in the game thanks to the gameplay being a bit flat and your pirate-sister Patty being absolutely not flat.

      Combat in Risen 3 is smoother, but overall less challenging than in Risen 2. Keep in mind that you can change the difficulty. I just don’t understand why they didn’t stick to Risen 1’s system which represents the best combat Piranha Bytes has ever done.

    • Pemptus says:

      It’s much better than Risen 2 in every way, and is much more substantial than Risen 1 (which still has the best combat system, plz just copy that Piranha Bytes kthx). When you get past the prologue, get some combat skill so killing a monkey won’t take 10 minutes, the exploration and questing becomes pure joy.

  9. frightlever says:

    Fun read. Enjoying this series.

  10. Goodtwist says:

    This is jollily funilly good.

  11. Pemptus says:

    The whole “where the hell has my companion gone to” problem is annoying as hell. See, when you use the parrot spell, your companion switches to the waiting mode, and will often not rejoin you until you get close to them in human form. This sucks when you forget about it and have to run around the whole map looking for them. Using fast travel doesn’t work, neither does travelling to different islands. Definitely needs patching.

  12. KingFunk says:

    This series of write-ups makes me want to get this game for all the wrong reasons. Aside from the ludicrousness, is it in general a good exploration simulator?