Self-Replicating Babies: Sims 4 Patch Note Fun Begins

Youths! Always the root of the problem.

“Stopped vampires from pinning their crimes on babies and children.” You don’t need to play Dwarf Fortress to enjoy a changelog note like that. Simulations encouraging emergent gameplay lead to emergent bugs, weird and wonderful confluences of complexities. The Sims 4 might not have dwarves, vampires, goblins, kidnapping, or horseshoe crab people, but its zany take on everyday life evidently can still bring some fun bugs to read about.

The game launches this week (today in North America, Thursday in Europe–grumble grumble) and a launch-day patch means wacky fun changelogs are already arriving. Fixed by this first update are issues with hibernating babies and a Reaper who’s just not that into you.

The full changelog is this-a-way, but here’s what I enjoyed:

  • Fixed several issues with Sims attempting to go on dates with the Reaper, resulting in non-responsive game states.The Reaper still loves ya baby, he is just too busy to go on a date with every lovelorn Sim that vies for his attention.
  • Fixed several issues where babies were incorrectly hibernating within household inventories resulting in several issues:

-Game no longer hangs if you attempt to split a household with a baby on the lot and in the household inventory.
-Babies are no longer left locked in the household inventory if all the other Sims in the household die.
-Babies no longer multiply if left in the Household Inventory while editing the lot via Manage Worlds.

Splendid. I don’t imagine I’ll play The Sims 4 but gosh, I’m looking forward to more of this. The Sims 3 certainly gave some good laughs over the years. The dwarf fortress.txt Twitter account is good at collecting rad changelog and dev quotes too, if you enjoy this sort of thing. I don’t play Dwarf Fortress either, but I sure do enjoy those bugs.

If many Sims 4 babies glitch out like this horror, it’s certainly for the best that they stop replicating. We’ll surely see another patch soon to fix this, and other wonders yet to be discovered:


  1. Nigel Nop says:

    The best Dwarf Fortress patchnotes look like this

    • Gap Gen says:

      Also link to

      I guess at some point babies become self-replicating, but perhaps not while in deep sleep under the sink.

      • TechnicalBen says:

        “decreased willingness to eat carried mud”
        There goes any productivity for this year now you posted that twitter feed…

    • Kaeoschassis says:

      “Adjusted value of bees” is STILL my favourite patch note from any game ever.

  2. El Spidro says:

    That is some eraserhead shit

  3. TacticalNuclearPenguin says:

    I think i’m gonna use a VPN to cross the dreaded “Internet Ocean”™.

    My only doubt is all the connected stuff, do you guys think that something might go south if i access the various social features first as an american and then as an italian once the european release is out?

    I guess no problems since otherwise people wouldn’t even be able to travel without bad feelings, but then again it’s also true that some horror stories like that are not that uncommon either.

    Tl;Dr: Is Origin too nazi for such tricks?

  4. WiggumEsquilax says:

    “Babies no longer multiply if left in the Household Inventory while editing the lot via Manage Worlds.”


    Do they still multiply elsewhere?

  5. Doganpc says:

    :cliche regional staggered digital release statement:
    Anyone have a good article on why they still do this even when there is no physical copy available? Only inane reason I can think of is it makes it easier to track sales data.

    • P.Funk says:

      Yea and the banks need 5 days to cash my cheques.

    • Wisq says:

      Judging from the fact that they didn’t send revew copies to any major games journalists, plus the feedback I’m seeing so far on the livestreams, they did it so that Europe could benefit from the folly of North America and be forewarned not to buy the game.

      Seriously, I expected this to be a step backwards in content — when has a Sims title ever released with more content than the fully-expanded previous title? — but the engine has few improvements and a major step backwards, in that it (once again) can only load one lot at a time and has loading screens when transitioning lots.

      Did nobody at Maxis ever stop and think, “hey, loading this entire neighbourhood was too hard on the CPU, but maybe we could get away with only loading the lots one of your Sims is actively on”? Or maybe “Sims in inactive lots could still be simulated and have careers and families and children, just simulated at lower fidelity than active lots”? Instead, we’re back to the single-lot model where your current family progresses and the rest of the world sits in stasis, and where you can’t take five steps without seeing a loading screen.

      There’s really no excuse for this. Games have been simulating whole worlds around the player at varying levels of fidelity based on proximity for over a decade now. Falcon 4.0 accurately simulated an entire war in only 10% of the CPU back in 1998, the other 90% going towards simulating the part of the world you could see. (And that was 10% of a 1998 CPU. Spending 10% of a single core of a 2014 CPU would get you more performance than 100% of a 1998 CPU. And we have tons of cores now.)

      Plus, it’s still 32-bit and still can’t address more than 4GB of RAM. Holy crap. They stopped releasing 32-bit mainstream Intel CPUs after 2006. Windows Vista gave us mainstream 64-bit support in 2007. There’s zero excuse for 32-bit games these days, especially ones with as much resource consumption and (near-mandatory) expandability as The Sims.

      The Sims these days is never really anything more than a base engine upon which expanisions can be released. I might be a bit quick to judge The Sims 4, but IMO this generation of the game really doesn’t bode well at all when they can’t even get the engine right. But then, after the fiasco that was SimCity, I’m surprised I expected anything better from husk-of-former-Maxis.

      • TacticalNuclearPenguin says:

        In all fairness, even if the world is divided in big blocks and there are some extra loading screens, it’s also true that i never need more than FIVE seconds for any single loading, even the starting one. If that’s because i have an OC’d CPU and an SSD, well, then good thing that at least now the game can actually scale with hardware.

        It’s also worth pointing out that TS3’s open world, which i adored by the way, was riddled with all kind of problems, slow downs and a great tendency to glitching, doing bad cleanups and other incredibly evil things that would inevitably slow down your game the more you play, other than sooner or later fuck up your saves or at least introduce broken mail, undeletable leftover items and god knows what else. The problems stacked up to a point that even if i only had to load the game once ( it lasted 30 seconds though ), the whole game was obscenely unresponsive, stuttery and prone to getting stuck at random.

        As it is, TS4 seems like a better platform for future expansions when it comes to stability, it might turn interesting in the future. I feel they simply made some more sensible decisions this time around and went for a process that works which is not as open as TS3 but still less “caged” than TS1 and 2.

        The same can be said about story progression ( which is there only for immigration and aging ). It’s absence is a problem mostly for the possible difficulty of getting modded back in, but afterall it’s also true that this feature had some horrible logic in TS3 and did really make sense only with the best mods, other than being another culprit for a lot of game breaking ( even fatally over time ) bugs.

        I can agree that it would have been nice to expect TS4 to be the second chance for Maxis to improve on their previous errors, i can also agree that it’s a bit sad that the best solution for them apparently was to remove something more, but then i guess at least they’re always in time to bring back stuff in piece by piece. For now, at least, the game works wonderfully.

  6. padger says:

    I’m looking forward to my new Sims experience of uncanny terror.

    If only we could mod it. Oh yes.

    • araneldon says:

      Mod TS4?

      You can.

    • RedViv says:

      Whoever started the rumour that TS4 does not allow for modding? Is that just something that poofed from the internet ethers once TS4 was announced to get the best modding support yet?

  7. sinister agent says:

    Sims glitches are among the best and most disturbing of all time. Hell, even without glitches, some of the toddlers’ faces that would appear were genuinely frightening.

    • Kaeoschassis says:

      Well yes, but that arguably just makes it a more realistic simulation.

  8. DantronLesotho says:

    (Un)Ironically, I always tell people that The Sims and Dwarf Fortress are the same game.

  9. Shuck says:

    “Stopped vampires from pinning their crimes on babies and children.”
    Why? Why would they remove that? It sounds like the best part of the game.

    • Big Murray says:

      Potential class-action lawsuit.

    • OscarWilde1854 says:

      Did you see the baby in that video at the end? He surely needs some vampire related felonies pinned to him… At the end there he goes right for the neck! Terrifying stuff!

  10. Ejia says:

    I’m going to assume the reason toddlers aren’t in the game is that the normal babies who grow into toddlers are quickly eaten by the multiplying mutant babies.