Chop Chop: Farming Simulator 15’s Forestry

You can't run, tree.

Perhaps this is because I’m a city slicker, but I find something about this Farming Simulator 15 trailer very sinister. It’s showing off this year’s new woodcutting gear, and to me they all look like implements for terrible murder. One vehicle has a mighty arm for grabbing tall, thin, upright things and tugging them through a cruel mechanism stripping off limbs and sawing them into segments. A chainsaw to chase escapees down on foot. A chipper to Fargo what’s left.

Shhh, tree. Be quiet now. Good trees stand very still, tall and strong. Do you know what happens to bad trees, trees which run and scream and trample my corn? Be a good tree.

If we take it at face value, and trees are simply trees, simulated farmers see nurture trees from cradle to grave. Or grave to cradle. They’ll cut trees down, saw them up, chip ’em, process ’em, transport ’em, then plant new ones amidst the stumps and sap. It’s still a little gruesome. That terrifying vehicle is named the ScorpionKing, for goodness’ sake. I don’t know if these are in the game, but now I’ll have nightmares about debarkers. All flesh is grass, and all skin is bark.

I might stick with the Skyrim Reforestation Project.

Farming Simulator is due just in time for Halloween, on October 30. Funny, that.

39 Comments

  1. Spacewalk says:

    Take that nature.

  2. skittles says:

    And yet the UK thinks it is okay to let 3yo’s control these sinister monsters. What is the world coming to?

  3. Anthile says:

    Bes him many-named, Him that’s called the Woodsie One…The Leafy Lord…the Harvester.

  4. Premium User Badge

    Henke says:

    If you thought that was sinister you should see the earlier “cinematic” trailer they released: link to youtube.com

    • Alice O'Connor says:

      Oh my what this is BRUTAL.

    • Gap Gen says:

      Amnesia: A Machine For Logs

      EDIT: Wait, dammit, A Machine For Twigs.

      • Railway Rifle says:

        It was already a good reference, but you returned to make it better. (But it is definitely a case of “Dammit, how did I miss that?”)

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      Neurotic says:

      I wonder what they thought might be “inappropriate for children” in there? :D

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      MonkeyMonster says:

      Can someone PLEASE make a horror film with people tied to trees and this thing then comes along…

      • YogSo says:

        Not exactly what you asked for, but have you seen Treevenge?

        (And yeah, I already posted about that short film the last time this game was talked about here, but I think it’s still relevant.)

    • hotmaildidntwork says:

      The way it cuts off the top of the tree and just casually tosses it aside.
      What good is the top? Just unworkable junk that, can’t do anything with it.

    • LionsPhil says:

      IT HUNGERS.

      Sadly doesn’t appear to be in-engine, comparing with the above.

    • WarKiel says:

      Well, at least I now know what the theme of tonight’s nightmare is going to be.

  5. cpy says:

    I kinda want this game, i want to play this game so bad. What’s wrong with me?

    • godzillasushi says:

      Nothing. The Farming Simulator games are quality and nobody should be ashamed playing them.
      It’s just like with Euro Truck Simulator 2, people make jokes about them, start playing them to have a laugh and are then sucked in cause they are actually good games :)

      They are like “adult” Harvest Moon, but sadly without the romantic…

      • Ginger Yellow says:

        As an ETS 2 fan I have a strong feeling I’m going to pick this one up, as long as there’s enough of a game there. I seem to recall previous Farming Simulators were quite flimsy and buggy. While ETS 2 has its faults, its not particularly buggy (apart from the odd traffic snafu). .

      • rustybroomhandle says:

        Well that’s just because you’re not playing ETS2 right. I have a lady waiting for me at every warehouse.

      • iridescence says:

        I love ETS2 but when I tried a previous Farming Simulator it didn’t grab me at all. Maybe I’ll try it again. The wood chopping thing does look sort of cool

      • Heavens says:

        I really liked Harvest Moon back in the day but the first few Farming Simulators I’ve tried we’re just badly done with bugs and generally bad controls, I might just take a look at the new one now that I can chop up some trees :D

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    Harlander says:

    Hopefully this’ll be better than that other forestry sim Tim Stone looked at here…

  7. Gog Magog says:

    ♫This forest is growing faster than I can tell…♫

  8. tehsid says:

    Here you are Alice. I made the trailer more.. horror, for you.

  9. Cinek says:

    Hm… It actually looks nice. As in: graphics are much better than what I expected. Last time I remember seeing Farming Simulator it was like a poor indie game.

  10. defunct says:

    I live next to an area that was just clear cut by older versions of these machines. It’s actually been just over a year. And the damage is still horrible to behold. They didn’t clean anything up; that would take too much time and money. It’ll be decades before it looks decent again. Most of the area can’t be walked on because of how they trampled things as they went along. There are holes in the ground and piles of wood where there was nothing but grass before.

    Fortunately, the paper industry is dying. (well, unfortunately. I live in a paper mill town and a LOT of people just got laid off.) But the lumber industry is still going strong because there’s no replacement for it for houses. And firewood is extremely popular around here, too, as somewhat economical.

    I still prefer the guys that come into areas with small groups, or even alone, use chainsaws and curate the forest rather than devastate it, like my other neighbor did. (Two neighbors, each getting the job done, but VERY differently.)

    • cptgone says:

      The paper industry isn’t dying, it’s growing worldwide. We should switch back to hemp. Hemp paper is superior, and far more ecological.

      • Tssha says:

        Among other things, it doesn’t age and yellow with time like wood pulp paper does. Not to mention it’s easier to regrow hemp than it is to regrow a forest. Silviculture is great, both for its reliable supply of resources and its environmental impact, but it takes time.

    • Sorcelin says:

      For starters logging selectively costs about double to triple the cost with about a 1/3 of the revenue return. Secondly depending on where you live in the world most people replant generally 3 trees for every tree harvested. As far as the soil damage goes most people forget how resilient nature really is. Many places of “pristine” forest land were cut 50-100 years ago using machines that delivered much more impact and its difficult to even tell they were there.
      The paper industry is tailoring off in some areas where people are going digital but as long as large portions of the world use toilet paper then the industry will be doing just fine.
      Instead of being negative maybe you should enjoy watching all the wildlife that will be using the new clearcut. Many species of birds and larger game need these openings to forage.

      • hotmaildidntwork says:

        Yes, before you know it there will be dozens of bird nests in all of the oh…

  11. tumbleworld says:

    PEGI _3_? *facepalm*.

  12. itsbenderingtime says:

    Has anybody played this (or previous games in the series, since this one isn’t out yet) with their kids? My son loves big trucks and anything with big wheels (just like every other little boy in the world), and it seems like this could make for good father/son game time.

    • Behrditz says:

      Makes sense to me. I have Farming Simulator 2013 and I could see it working that way. It has enough detail to be fun for dad, and the controls can be simple enough (especially if you use a controller) for the kid, depending on age. It even has online multiplayer.

  13. Don Whitaker says:

    I’ve enjoyed playing Farming Sim 2013, but they really should call these games Agricultural Machinery Simulators. The actual growing of crops is overshadowed by the attention on the big, shiny machines. Even in these new trailers the equipment names are front and center, while footage of the actual gameplay is almost an afterthought. I hope there’s a bit more variety and subtlety to the growing and caring of the plants this time around.

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    Wisq says:

    Woodcutting and trains in Farming Simulator? It’s like this is becoming the Simulator Singularity.

    • Railway Rifle says:

      Eventually, they’ll become one big Simulation world, like a mundane EVE Online.