Toast In The Machine: I Am Bread

I Am Bread’s trailer trundled onto the internet in a miniature clown car, putt-putting toward the big top of YouTube, coughing smoke rings from its tiny exhaust pipe. How the crowds guffawed when the doors clattered to the ground and a lanky harlequin struggled out of the driver’s seat, his oversized shoes flip-flopping against the steering wheel and sending gasping honks out into the atmosphere. And tears streamed down the cheeks of every man, woman and child as they collapsed in hysterics when the passengers spilled out onto the sawdust scattered across the floor. THEY WERE SLICES OF BREAD! THE PASSENGERS WERE SLICES OF BREAD!

I Am Bread is a game from Surgeon Simulator creators Bossa in which you will control a slice of bread, with the uncanny ability to grip surfaces in the style of an Octodad, as you attempt to become toast. Of course, you’ll also fall into toilets (CHORTLE), smash eggs (SNIGGER), hang from the ceiling (WHOOP) and wield a knife (ROAR)! Obviously, make sure not to stick the knife in the toaster, unless you’re as tired of zany simulator games as I am.

To be fair to I Am Bread, there does seem to be a decent game behind the concept and at least it isn’t called Bread Simulator. Or Loafin’ About. Or Slice Of Life. Or My Own Private IdaDough. Or The Wheat Goes On. Or Crust For Life. Or [SNIP – ed]

While Adam recovers, please do look at Video Game Bread for all your video game bread needs.

33 Comments

  1. xp194 says:

    Obviously, at Bossa, the prospect of making toast is a matter of loaf and death. Though I would quite like a slice of this.

    • Epicedion says:

      You’re really starting to toast my patience.

      • emperor_nero says:

        This will be a good game, no matter the way you slice it.

        • AXAXAXAS MLO II: MLO HARDER says:

          I dunno, the gameplay will get stale fast.

      • Dog Pants says:

        I feel your pain.

      • Humble_Beest says:

        Let’s not butter up the devs. At best this will be a KNEADiocre game. Look at the grainy resolution…

        • Hex says:

          Yes but the at crust of the issue, is the gameplay at yeast ludo-narratively appropriate? Floury visuals notwithstanding, the mechanics must be fully baked.

          • Darth Gangrel says:

            Yes, they need to package it into a working whole (grain). If the game doesn’t have the right consistency or if the texture is wrong, then it won’t sell even at Humble Bun-dle level prices.

          • Kitsunin says:

            This thread is a just a flourry of crêpe. If you baguette with other loaf-ly games it’ll still rise to the cream of the crop.

          • Jigurd says:

            As someone who enjoyed Surgeon Simulator, I have complete crust in this developer, and anyone who doesn’t can baguette out! I’ll have naan out of it!

    • Syra says:

      Looks like the best thing since sliced… Oh.

  2. Prolar Bear says:

    This might be one of the best RPS articles of all time. I’d say that puns are the bread and butter of this website.

    • Anthile says:

      You really think so? I’m not one for floury speeches.

      • ayprof says:

        Definitely upper-crust material. With puns like these ingrained into articles, the quality really rises above the crumby content of other sites. At yeast that’s my open-faced opinion.

        • yan spaceman says:

          … at yeast it’s not spreading any rumours … or they would be in for a real grilling.

  3. Premium User Badge

    Aerothorn says:

    I’m always surprised by the number of references to American films/TV shows. Is our culture export really so dominant, or are you all just super worldy at RPS?

  4. chiablo says:

    Rye are we making so many bread puns?

  5. davorable says:

    Haha. What a trailer!

  6. LionsPhil says:

    I cannot wait to become bread.

  7. MrBillwulf says:

    The sequel will focus on rye bread and be called “The Dark Bread Rises.”

  8. Geebs says:

    Bun Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
    It’s a Wonderful Loaf
    The Empire Strikes Bake
    …..
    Yeast is Yeast
    …..

    *collapses, twitching*

  9. BigPrimeNumbers says:

    Anyone try this sudio’s iOS game Twelve a Dozen?

  10. Jackablade says:

    I’m…not familiar with the type of thing I’m seeing.

    I am laughing quite a lot though.

  11. Freud says:

    Some ideas wear out their welcome in a couple of hours, but that shouldn’t disqualify them from being used in a game if the game is properly priced and marketed.

  12. Gog Magog says:

    It’s all just bread and circuses.

  13. ansionnach says:

    Not a fan of puns but “toast in the machine” is delicious. Probably should take it out first, mind…

  14. Wytefang says:

    Looks idiotic and boring. This is what we’ve come to these days, eh?

  15. AyeBraine says:

    I think it’s a grand idea. If you think it’s dumb, just remove all the reality descriptors: put a 4-cornered entity in a complex world with tons of incredibly complex, randomly active/interactive objects.

    Actually, I just wanted to say that when I think of sawdust-covered circus arena, or a tavern floor (like people used to have just a measly hundred years ago), I simultaneously feel sad and comforted. Like, it’s so cool that there’s sawdust to absorb all the shit and beaten-up faces tenderly, forgiving and aromatic. And at the same time, it’s ominous as hell, because blood will spill into this sawdust, because it’s so fit for it.

  16. Jigurd says:

    The Walking Bread?