Dystopian Visions: Frying Bacon

This is hell.

Be quite clear: Frying Bacon is a future of video games. Not the future, no, as video games will become so many different wonderful things, but one path that will become grimly necessary. As you huddle together under your geodesic domes, you will refuse to see the crashing waves wearing the glass thin. You will want to remember happier days. As you crunch your protein pill, you will demand comforting. You will turn to virtual reality to pretend you’re frying bacon in a pan.

Here, with a few sound effects, I’ve created a video offering a vision of your horrible future.

Or maybe Frying Bacon is simply about simulating pork. It’s free, so you can judge for yourself.

[The relentless, dooming waves are based on a recording by Luftrum, who has all the copyright and that jazz because I just screwed with it under the Creative Commons Attribution License. The Archers is, of course, made by Ian BBC; I lay no claims to it or the Grundy Cider Shed.]


  1. Lobster9 says:

    A world where bacon doesn’t exist, but somehow the Archers keeps going?

    You cruel monster.

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    Bluerps says:

    “Focus on the bacon!” is good life advice in general.

  3. articulate says:

    This looked amusing. Sadly the OSX executable is broken.

  4. CantankerousDave says:

    A grim future indeed, considering that bacon tastes best when prepared in the oven… *shudder*

    • Faxanadu says:

      Imho it’s just as good from a pan, but oven makes frying bacon sooooooooooooooooooo much easier. Just put some aluminum foil, bend the edges up to prevent grease from spreading all over, put dat shit in the oven for a few min and DONE. After mass-producing bacon, just take the foil and toss it in the bin. CLEANUP DONE.

      • RanDomino says:

        But then how do you fry eggs in the grease?

        • The First Door says:

          Or tattie scones (which are my personal vice) and are so much better when cooked after the bacon!

  5. MrFinnishDude says:

    In the grim darkness of the far future, there is no more bacon.

    There are only bacon simulations.

  6. phelix says:

    I’m a vegetarian and this game offends me.

    • DanMan says:

      I’m a flower, and your lifestyle offends me.

      • Monggerel says:

        I’m Commander Ultra Ben Gurion and I threw a man out the window.

    • dogsolitude_uk says:

      I too am a vegetarian, and curious as to why you’re offended. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

      Unless, and I may be wrong, you may in fact *not* be a vegetarian and your just posing as an ‘offended’ vegetarian in order to perpetuate the stereotype of the joyless, preachy vegetarian type, in which case I am offended by your comment because we’re not all like that.

      Some of us are actually, you know, OK people with a sense of humour and everything, just rather tired of being maligned.

      • Wisq says:

        TBH, I just read it as someone (actual vegetarian or not) who was making a joke (at nobody’s expense, just being deliberately silly). The terseness tends to lend itself to that conclusion in my eyes.

        But, Poe’s Law and all that. :)

      • phelix says:

        It was not my intention to create a ‘straw veggie’. I am a real vegetarian, actually.

    • keanerie says:

      Dev here. OSX file should be working now (tested on Yosemite), let me know if you have any issues. (Something about hamming something up.)

  7. Henson says:

    How is it that I only need to read a single sentence to identify an Alice O’Connor post? That’s uncanny.

  8. heyhellowhatsnew says:

    Alice you have the perfect NPR voice. You should do podcasts about video games in the NPR-like soothing voice. I would listen and feel so relaxed and stress-free.

  9. Neki says:

    When I saw the screenshot I thought link to chelseasaunders.com

  10. dozurdogbite says:

    really ?

  11. sinister agent says:

    Frying bacon is immoral.

  12. Alice O'Connor says:

    Behind the scenes fact: the bottle of protein pills was, in reality, a bottle of ibuprofen. Do not crunch ibuprofen. They taste horrible.

    • RARARA says:

      Thanks for the disclaimer. That was important to me and you get a 7/10 for your journalistic ethics.