S.EXE: Girlvania Summer Lust (NSFW)

Someone sent me this ‘All-Girl Sex Simulation’ Girlvania because I guess I have this reputation now. What I did was I got some All Girls together (women who have sex with other women) in the New York Museum of Sex bar, plied them with alcohol, and asked them to look at the game. Is this a thing you can count as your job? I guess this is my job now. Asking New York lesbians what they think of virtual women fucking each other over outlandishly named cocktails. Anyway this is not going to be safe for work (in text or images) and prepare yourself for Jeff Goldblum sweats.

The Museum of Sex bar in New York is very dark and plays a lot of Drake. [Looks pointedly at the camera.] We gather around the laptop in the booth and put our fingers rather sensually on the trackpad.

Girlvania: Summer Lust is a game about doing sex acts to ladies with a sort of disembodied ghost hand, which is quite creepy in itself. It has a rudimentary system of ‘testing’ you as a player: you move the mouse up and down but not TOO much – if you go over a line indicated that is TOO INTENSE for the woman and you have to try again. The women are of similar pubeless body shapes and seem generally without personality, apart from you can customise their looks. There are ‘education’ levels you have to get past to get to scenes where there is more than one woman to look at.

The game is a little jerky and is pretty difficult to control, and the in-game women stare a little unsettlingly back at you as if you’re doing something wrong. The first thing we do when we start the game is the ‘human bra’ where you are supposed to cup boobs to make the girl moan. ‘The human bra’ move is a thing that boys thought was sexy in secondary school and made me sad. The women around me seem to agree that this is also not particularly sexily done in this game.

Perhaps this All-Girl thing is actually a first-person teen boy wet-dream sim.

Mindful of the kind of person this game is aimed at, I ask the women who have sex with other women, “What do you think of mainstream porn? The kind that has ‘lesbians’ in it, you know, straight man porn?”

Whitney pipes up “Most of it makes me want to puke”, but Lacy asks that I clarify whether I mean amateur porn or not. We quickly slide into talking about feminist porn, which is made by women for other women (I am mostly familiar with Erika Lust’s work, and I say I really want that to be her real name, but Lacy yells ‘IT IS A HUNDRED PER CENT NOT HER REAL NAME’).

Feminist porn tends to focus on many different things: it gives a better overview of bodies, focuses on both bodies equally, close ups are tempered with wide shots, faces are important, and often the couples have actually requested to sleep with each other because they are attracted to each other. You tend to get people in feminist porn who are interested in fucking each other for the sheer pleasure of it, rather than as just a job. Feminist porn is also a lot less obsessed with genitals. I ask the ladies assembled why they think all of this is.

Sam says she thinks it’s because women are treated as ‘vessels’ in mainstream porn, things that are for ‘putting stuff in’ and ‘doing stuff to’. Feminist porn is a lot more interested in mutual pleasure.

“Do men focus on the penetrative act too much do you think?”

“I feel like that’s the only thing they’re good at,” Lacy says.

“I feel like that’s what’s beaten into their brain that that is what sex is,” Sam says.

“In the game there is scissoring,” Whitney begins.

“WHAT LESBIAN DOES THAT,” Lacy bursts out.

“There’s a remark in the game that says ‘I love tribbin’,” Whitney says. “It’s like in order to have sex you have to have genitals together.”

“That’s a fabrication – that vagina on vagina is supposed to be sex. That doesn’t make sense,” Emily says.

“How often do you scissor your partner?” I ask the assembled sex-havers.

“NEVER.”

“Nobody even looked around,” Lacy laughs. “It’s like ‘hey what everybody else gonna say??'”

“I knew Cara was going to ask that,” Whitney said. “I knew everyone was going to go NO.”

“I tried it once and it was a problem,” Emily says.

[Incomprehensible noises of outrage related to scissoring]

As a person who is lazy in bed I say, “Scissoring looks like a lot of effort for very little return.”

“Your legs don’t bend that way!” Emily says.

“It’s quite a position to get into, but there’s definitely some sort of arousal from it,” Sam says. “It probably will not lead to an orgasm, if that’s your ‘end goal’. There’s more to be said for friction than probably gets credit. But as the quintessential lesbian sex act that is complete and utter bullshit. Without a doubt.”

“It stems from a male point of view: what’s better than one vagina?” Emily says.

“TWO VAGINAS,” says Lacy.

“So this game is a lot about mechanically inserting and removing things from women,” I say.

“There is not nearly enough lube in it,” Sam says.

“There’s not enough feedback,” Emily says.

“There needs to be a rumble pak,” Whitney says. “It’s either OUCH or… Good!”

I think a little bit about how Ouch or Good really sums up a lot of video games.

“You know I’ve spent a little time with that FPS Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare or whatever it is recently,” I say, “and I really liked it. And I noticed that they spent a really long time getting the feel of the body correct. It feels like it has weight. You feel like a large guy, with shoulders, you feel like you are bearing a heavy pack, when you move it feels like your feet are beating the ground, that you have momentum. You feel like a soldier. When you press forward on the joystick you feel like you are bearing a weight. The game has friction. Why on earth would a game that is about sex have none of that?”

Part of me wonders if I am thinking weirdly erotically about Call of Duty, but perhaps it is just because we are talking a lot about sex and I’m thinking about gruff dudes.

“Have you seen Robert Yang‘s latest Vine?” Whitney says.

“No,” I say.

Oh my god.

It is a dude spanking game with Leap Motion. I am really quite excited about it.

“What about Rez with the vibrator? Wasn’t that just like a bona fide sex game?” Lacy says.

“I had the trance vibrator,” Whitney says. “You would never get anywhere with it. It’s like sitting on a subwoofer.”

“I feel like oral sex is not enough of this game,” I say.

“Yeah oral sex and anything that isn’t putting stuff into women,” Emily says.

Lacy grins, “Yeah like you wanna huuuug.” Everyone laughs.

“What percentage of your sex lives revolve around cuddling mechanics,” I say, feeling like I work for IGN. I put my frownface on. Investigative reporting.

“OH CARA ELLISON!” Lacy exclaims. “What percentage of YOUR relationship is cuddling?!”

(None per cent. CRIES.)

“Like 99% and 1% scissoring,” Whitney says.

“I just get the guy and take him home and then I’m done in fifteen minutes and I’ve put him to sleep and I’m annoyed we can’t do it again,” I say. “I approach all things like a man and I get annoyed we can’t do it all night because he is asleep.” Sleeping is rubbish.

“You are a unicorn,” Lacy says. I am, and am currently feeling what it is like to have queer women look at you with the demeanour of velociraptors that just saw a sheep. I feel pretty good about it.

“Let’s talk about when the oral sex happens in this game,” I say. “Is it satisfactory?”

“Well there’s oral that happens in the third level,” Whitney says. “There’s one girl on all fours being fucked with a strap on from behind, and one girl is facing away and she’s got her ass in the other girl’s face and is being eaten out. All these positions – that is not really the experience of me or anyone I know. Usually a lady is just gonna be on her back because that’s a comfortable position. That’s why it’s for a male audience. For me I can’t relate to this at all. All I can think is ‘You’re both so uncomfortable, how can you even get off?'”

“I give this game points for putting in a lady of colour,” Lacy says.

“She gets a nice hairstyle later too, and I really like it,” Whitney says.

“It’s just fingers and objects in this game,” Lacy says. “If it isn’t objects it’s her jamming her weirdly long pinky in her asshole. What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single.”

“There’s hardly any fisting in this game,” Lacy says. “Fisting should be a national… an all encompassing thing.”

[There is some discussion of fisting techniques I find difficult to put into words.]

“Have you ever used a carrot in coitus?” I ask the assembled women. “This game seems to think that’s a thing.” I point to the woman with a carrot in her ass.

“I missed that level.”

“The game is mostly focused on phallic objects,” Sam says. “Not all vibrators are the same shape guys…”

“There’s no variation in where you can touch. Up and down back and forth… Those can get you places, but there are other options.”

“It scares me a little that there’s no variation in… how fast you… put it in and out… Because that’s an important factor…” I say.

“It does say OUCH,” Whitney says.

“It says ouch then TRY AGAIN,” Sam says. “Maybe let’s take a break.”

“The promotional material seems to emphasise that this game is about consent, but I actually haven’t seen any issues of consent broached in this game,” I say. “There’s been no explicit boundaries discussed as far as I can see in the game.”

“Which would maybe make it more sexy,” Vianey says. “It would actually make a really really good tutorial.”

“Now you talkin’ about GAME DESIGN ladies,” I say. “A fucking tutorial. Why did they not do that???”

“Why didn’t they do that? ‘Fuck me harder’, ‘move here’, dirty talk – that is sexy. Why didn’t they do that?” Emily says.

“”Please do this or ‘try this'” Vianey says.

“Begging. Begging is awesome,” Emily says.

“Sometimes,” Whitney says, “the girls in the game do say ‘Fuck my ass’.”

——

Later Katherine Cross would take a little time to think about the game, and email me her thoughts:

“The game is hamstrung, I think, by its clear desire to provide visual stimulation to the player, which is entirely at crosspurposes with being a sex simulator. An as yet underexplored area of gameplay is how to actually simulate the feeling of being involved in sex rather than the mere voyeurism of watching someone acting for the sake of an audience, a long tradition that Girlvania continues. Real sex can be visually unappealing from the outside, but the phenomenology of the experience for the actual participants is incredible. Hence, what makes sex actually fun for lesbians gets short shrift in Girlvania, but the visual motifs of, say, sucking on a lollipop are tremendously prominent in the game.

It’s a porn game but it’s not really for women, much less lesbians. At the risk of revealing a bit too much, the game made me blush, but it was not a turn on in the least.”

From this site

151 Comments

  1. Hex says:

    I’m 12 and what is this.

    • Lord Byte says:

      This is a spell to summon Jeff Goldblum! Can’t you see? You’re twelve, not stupid!

    • MadTinkerer says:

      Ah, well you see: when human beings reach a certain age, their glands kick into high gear and send hormones flooding throughout their bodies. These hormones cause a permanent physical change by adding “erogenous zones” which have a strong influence on their brains when stimulated or when the brain is “in the mood” to be stimulated. Thus, the physical change is also a permanent mental change and makes the now-“adults” far less rational than their previous “child” state. At some point babies may happen, but no one actually knows how it works because adults are all insane to some degree and therefore incapable of rationally explaining it to children.

      If you have difficulty understanding any of the article, that’s because it’s like someone trying to understand the ramblings of a drunken hobo with a tinfoil hat: you are too rational to understand it. Only drunk hobos are capable of unraveling the conspiracy theories of other drunken hobos. However, being 12, you will likely soon become insanely obsessed with rubbing your body against other adults’ bodies just like all adults are, even though there are times when they think it is impolite to admit it. Or perhaps you will have the willpower to forgo all the rubbing immediately and actually achieve some academic progress in the interest of getting a better job and making more money and being able to relax and take the time to engage in adult friction without worrying about bills as much. But you definitely won’t be pursuing academia for rational reasons, because you will be an adult and therefore incapable of actual rational thought.

      Sometimes adults actually do things that others don’t find sexy, like ignoring chances to rub bodies in favor of getting PHDs or making computer operating systems. The reason why this is also the product of the obsession with wanting to rub bodies, is because if you have a PHD in computer engineering and can make an internet, people will fill that internet with porn without you even needing to pay them. Once the “cool kids” realized the “nerds” weren’t ignoring the prospect of rubbing bodies but were actually deferring immediate rubbing so that everyone could have as much porn as they wanted, the cool kids realized the nerds were cool after all. Thus, nerds were redefined and “geeks” were born.

      And that is why you are reading about sex on the internet. Because Cara is a geek.

      I hope this has been educational, because you likely have very little time left before you also become insane. Good luck!

  2. Roritharr says:

    This was actually a hilarious read, thanks! Normally i don’t enjoy the S.EXE series all too much, but this one was a great. Please use the “Drunk Lesbians Discussing Sex Simulators”-Format more frequently.

  3. Shardz says:

    Bill Cosby will be all over this one!

  4. JohnnyPanzer says:

    Not enough lube indeed. Never enough lube…

  5. lowprices says:

    While this S.EXE was brilliant (and the party of lesbians should be involved in future columns, especially if they’re going to feature the videogame equivalent of straight-guy pretend lesbian porn), it’s overshadowed by one important consideration:

    Can I throw all my money at Robert Yang in return for that bear-spanking game? If so, how?

    • notenome says:

      Now that you mention it, this was kind of like an all lesbian edition (plus Cara) of an ‘RPS verdict’ (or Judged: x). Instead of ‘why is there no leaning in my fps’ we have ‘why is there no fisting in my s.exe game’.

      I too hope it becomes a regular feature.

    • Pockets says:

      I would kickstart that so. hard.

      *ahem*

  6. Melody says:

    Funny, I watched this (mildly NSFW) documentary on Vice the other day link to vice.com and it came to a similar conclusion from an entirely different point of view.
    It talks about simulating sex in virtual reality, and most of the technology comes from games, and the closer it is to games, the more it focuses on coldly achieving the orgasm without the emotional side, without the intimacy or the physicality of the body, without the sensation of being there and being close to the other person.* Not that other technology really gets it either, we’re too far from that, but there was a definite difference between those who tried to achieve it (failing) and those who almost forgot it existed.

    {*Not that I’d know. For all the reading and imagining I did, I think I have a decent grasp on sex but the closest I got to another person is kissng. Years ago. :\ }

    By the way, Cara, I discovered Vice thanks to you writing there from time to time. Thank you :D

  7. notenome says:

    I cannot recommend enough watching this whilst listening to ‘How Soon is Now’.

    Also:

    “What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single.” Thank you. Thank you for this gift.

    • Jeroen D Stout says:

      I wanted to turn this sentence bisexual but society’s views on what hetro sex is is getting in the way.

      • gwathdring says:

        How so? I’m trying to imagine a part of sex that isn’t made uncomfortable by long fingernails and it’s not working. Sex often involves touching and gripping things, regardless of gender.

        Toenails too.

  8. P.Funk says:

    Lotta trash talking, dare I say generalizing, about men going on. I’m not flipping any tables but seriously, how many guys actually fuck once and go to sleep? I guess if you’re just going for the salt and pepper crowd thats an issue, but to me it seems like oral sex is the perfect activity to indulge in on the way towards erection #2, and I don’t mean the woman acting on the man.

    That said, I know from interviewing women I’ve been with that a ridiculously large percentage of men are apparently inept at oral sex. Then again it seems the same is true of women. I think a good chunk of the entire hetero crowd is pretty bad at oral. I’ve also seen it that lots of women are penetration obsessed owing to their total lack of confidence in their bodies so its all under the sheets and its hard to do anything but penetrate missionary wrapped up in your little cabbage roll like that.

    • notenome says:

      ‘I know from interviewing women I’ve been with that a ridiculously large percentage of men are apparently inept at oral sex.’

      … must… not … make… ethics in journalism… joke…

      • B.rake says:

        Hello, James Spader!

      • Fanbuoy says:

        It sounds like the oral sex equivalent of “It happens to every guy”. I do believe that many people (or at least men) tend to overvalue their proficiency in that department, though.

    • Hex says:

      Nathan, is that you…?!

    • lowprices says:

      At the risk of seeming rude, do you often survey the women you sleep with?

      “Please circle the statement you most agree with.

      This sexual encounter left me satisfied:

      5: Strongly agree.
      4: Somewhat agree.
      3: Neither agree nor disagree.
      2: Somewhat disagree.
      1: Strongly disagree.”

      • soundofsatellites says:

        Well, it’s not like a survey, most times you are talking with women in bed, and they tend to be widely unsatisfied? about sex with guys (i dont know if unsatisfied is the right word tho’, not that bad, but no “OH GOD THE ECSTASY” good). I also have lots of women friends too (like, 20 yr old friendships) and when talking about sex their experience mirrors the feedback I’ve gotten from the women I’ve been with.

        And if there are any youngsters here, the best piece of advice that I would like someone to give me in my late teens is: communication is key, talk about likes and dislikes, and for god, dont take negative feedback with a bruised ego: take notes and have fun <3

    • Hex says:

      As a man who’s been fortunate enough to receive plenty of feedback and helpful instruction on oral sex from lady-partners, I’m pretty comfortable admitting that I was an inept if enthusiastic muncher of ye rugs for a number of years.

      It’s all about offering feedback, ladies. Nobody’s gonna learn if you don’t say some shit.

      • sinister agent says:

        And many, many men will refuse to learn because the slightest hint of feedback that isn’t fawning congratulations will bruise their delicate ego too much. See also: turning men down.

        • whorhay says:

          While true there are a lot more ways to direct a sexual partner than tell them explicitly what you want them to do and when. Complimenting them when they get it right or are going in the right direction, giving audible ques and such should work very well. Instead of coming across as pushy you give them a sense of having figured it out on their own, while not exactly true it accomplishes all parties goals.

        • P.Funk says:

          I’ve experienced that from at least one woman too. A subtle hint to retract the foreskin during oral sex apparently was enough to ruffle her feathers and insist on an immediate return to vanilla missionary penetration.

          Its not just ego that stifles people, its embarrassment on the inferiority complex side of things too.

    • Jamesworkshop says:

      missionary is not just about penetration but body alignments, think what hugging and kissing would look like with no clothes on.

      • P.Funk says:

        Yes, missionary under the sheets in the dark is like sexual hugging, its very safe and familiar and intimate. Being pressed against someone is also great for hiding genitals. Its amazing how some people will let you be inside them but won’t you see the things on the outside of them.

        • Jamesworkshop says:

          the lights off, is self-conscious, but blindfolds are kinky

    • LexParsimony says:

      Your post makes no sense at all in terms of logical foundation.

      You’re upset that the author is generalizing men as “fuck once and go to sleep” and then, within a breath, go on to generalize the oral sex skill of a vast heterosexual population based on a small handful of interviews with women you’ve been with or talked to?

      You can see why that’s ridiculous, one person, with all your biases and limitations both geographical and otherwise are basing the sexual skill of a population equaling roughly seven billion people entirely on what a small handful of women have told you about oral sex skills?

      Even being generous, what would all the sexual partners those women have had amount to? maybe 100-200? What about cultural or personal biases those women have? Or subjective tastes on the matter?

      Anyway, I’m not trying to be combative here, I just found it a little odd that you’re not cool with men being generalized, but then you generalize an entire population based on what’s essentially completely anecdotal evidence.

      The truth is probably somewhere closer to the middle. There are some bad folks, some good folks, and most folks fall somewhere within the extremes and their skills/preferences fluctuate.

      • P.Funk says:

        Was waiting for someone like you to show up.

        The point is that we’re reading a very forward thinking open minded GGG sex positive article, and yet we see some very typical rather generalized complaints about men, ones I feel are unjustified because they seem like they’re a bit cliche and largely said for the sake of how they ring true to a gender stereotype. I do however examine my own point of view in the comment, based on what I know of both the supposed general consensus on the topic of oral sex and also look at a few thoughts on the penetration obsession suggesting its not just men. In the end nobody here who doesn’t do mass studies of sexual habits is going to be able to do anything but talk out of thier ass about a small percentage of the population, but we all do it anyway. Criticizing that then logically breaking down my own access to a population sample is just silly then. Might as well invalidate all non peer reviewed social commentary.

        In the end the point was that I felt as if the article danced close to some rather ungenerous gender biases towards men, biases I even found hard to fathom (author only sleeps with men who fall asleep post coitus with no care for their partner???). I balanced it with my own assumptions and gave a little credit back but didn’t draw too many conclusions (its a conversation, not an essay, so its meant to invite discussion).

        My comment makes about as much sense as I intended it to and it was never meant to be more.

        • pepperfez says:

          #notallmen, you mean?

          • maggot says:

            ok, author brings up a stereotype — probably with no intent other than adding colour and fulfilling a word count — from sometime circa the ’50s. It’s a painful one, remarkable for reminding us in part of how shit a pre-feminist world could be. Someone else answers in kind and suddenly we’re recreating twitter in long form?

            I have a penis and testicles and i am very much into hugging after intercourse. My alma mater did a poll on this very subject, and while the sample (n~=200) was of course youthful, people of any gender reported a roughly equal (diff <5%) tendency to drowsiness after sex, especially when the instances of drunkenness were analysed separately.

            It was just an odd quip, and a disappointing one to be reminded of. I hope the cliche dies soon.

    • Kala says:

      What Cara said was that the guy falls asleep after fucking once, whereas she wants to go again.

      No table flippage neccesary, she didn’t say #allmen but…isn’t that kind of a given generally? I mean, I’m given to understand that once a guy has blown his load that’s probably going to be it for a while? Not like it will immediately get hard again and you can stick it straight back in there after that – there’s some required down time?

      I mean, your mileage may vary, but I’m probably good to go after about 5-10 minutes rest post-orgasm and some more foreplay for a bit (dependant on partner, circumstances and mood, obvs). I was under the impression it was not the same deal for guys, and the peen needs some more recharge time before erection #2. Have I been lied to?!

      • Squirrelfanatic says:

        Without daring to generalise (as a hetero male person with no experience in bi/homosexual contact) or sounding overly braggy – yes, speaking from personal experience, I think so. :| Maybe the sample size just wasn’t *snigger* big enough. ;)

      • Jamesworkshop says:

        men do have refractory periods, but they don’t lose an erection straight away

      • xyzzy frobozz says:

        Only if you believe that the only thing that men have to offer sexually is their penis.

        Which is the sort of attitude I found so problematic in the column.

        • Kala says:

          No, not at all, I just thought she was specifically talking about fucking in the ‘falling asleep’ example, which is what I was referring to.

          • Timbrelaine says:

            I think his point is that your previous comment doesn’t seem to distinguish between not having an erection anymore, and not being able to continue with the sexies, which probably wouldn’t have raised any ire if not for this in the article:

            “Do men focus on the penetrative act too much do you think?”
            “I feel like that’s the only thing they’re good at,” Lacy says.

            Cara’s original comment was only about sleep, though, and I’m not sure why anyone is angry about that? I thought it harmless.

    • belgand says:

      It’s not just men that fall asleep after one go around. Many women will do precisely the same thing while also claiming to be tired, worn-out, or too sensitive for anything further. Plenty of men out there have no problem going again after only a few minutes and would really like to keep it up, but no.

      • Faxmachinen says:

        It seems to correlate with having sex just before bedtime. How strange.

        • maggot says:

          or the regrettable social norm of going out drinking after whatever one’s manly daytime commitments are, then trudging home when one’s significant other is already in bed, ready to feign headachiness in anticipation of forgotten or fumbled foreplay #breakthecycle #uninspiredsitcom

    • xyzzy frobozz says:

      Lets call a spade by its proper name; there was some blatant sexism in the column.

      “What do you think of mainstream porn? The kind that has ‘lesbians’ in it, you know, straight man porn?”

      The article then goes on to describe “feminist porn”…

      Feminist porn tends to focus on many different things: it gives a better overview of bodies, focuses on both bodies equally, close ups are tempered with wide shots, faces are important, and often the couples have actually requested to sleep with each other because they are attracted to each other. You tend to get people in feminist porn who are interested in fucking each other for the sheer pleasure of it, rather than as just a job. Feminist porn is also a lot less obsessed with genitals.

      … which tends to indicate that “porn for men” is none of these things. I beg to differ.

      There is an increasing move to “couple friendly” porn which emphasises the very things described as “feminist” porn in this article. Whilst I don’t disagree that feminist porn is all of the things described by the article, I think it is wrong to suggest that only feminist porn has these attributes and, by extension, only women and/or lesbians would be interested in it.

      Plenty of us men find “mainstream” porn vile and disgusting too, while still enjoying other types of porn.

      “Do men focus on the penetrative act too much do you think?”

      “I feel like that’s the only thing they’re good at,” Lacy says.

      “I feel like that’s what’s beaten into their brain that that is what sex is,” Sam says.

      Sexist attitudes are sexist.

      These comments generalise all men, generalise about what they’re “good at” and, by extension, make value judgements on the basis of those generalisations. Now whilst I appreciate that these women are lesbians, and therefore find men to be sexually unsatisfying (and that’s totally valid), I personally find such mono-dimensional generalisations of around half of the world’s population to be pretty… sexist.

      As a review of a game by it’s ostensible target market, the column was a success. I also appreciate that it wasn’t really the time or the place for the author to challenge attitudes or any of the expressed opinions. But there really was some pretty sexist attitudes expressed by-the-by. If the roles were reversed and it was a group of men in a pub making similar generalisations about the sexual attitudes and attributes of all women/lesbians, it would quite rightly be regarded as sexist.

      It’s my opinion that by not holding women to the same standards that we hold men, by holding women less accountable for their sexism, we simply perpetuate sexism in general.

      “I just get the guy and take him home and then I’m done in fifteen minutes and I’ve put him to sleep and I’m annoyed we can’t do it again,” I say. “I approach all things like a man and I get annoyed we can’t do it all night because he is asleep.”

      Perhaps you don’t know men as well as you think you do or, more likely, perhaps you’re just selecting the wrong men!

      Like someone before me said, I’m not “flipping tables” on this, and I hope I don’t come across in that way. It was an entertaining and insightful column. But as I said at the start, lets call a spade a spade – there was some fairly sexist attitudes expressed.

      • pepperfez says:

        You could have saved a lot of typing with “#notallmen.”

        • P.Funk says:

          But hashtags are so inarticulate, and you’re not even doing anything then but appropriating the aggregate generalized ideas of thousands of other people, in vague and unrefined form. Basically its like listening to a first year political science student rattle off ideas based on the three assigned books he read this month.

        • Distec says:

          Why the hashtag quip for the second time? Two people have validly pointed out that there are sexist, generalizing attitudes on display in the article. Not even in an angry MRA “dudebro” fashion. So if you had nothing to say to them, surely this can be stowed?

          If your intent is something other than flippant dismissal, I don’t know what it is.

      • Unknown says:

        Generalizations about men are not sexist the way that generalizations about women are, because women are an oppressed group and men are not. Same reason why it’s okay for a black comedian to make fun of white people but not vice versa. Hierarchies of power and all that.

        • P.Funk says:

          Anyone who actually believes that (assuming you said it only ironically) is one of those people who lives in a bubble of false dichotomies because a true analysis of the patriarchal society should indicate that both genders are oppressed to some degree via their gender roles. Men are just as much victims of it as women, even if they are/were on top of the traditional arrangement. In particular as womens’ equality grows traditional male gender roles become if anything harder on men who find the traditional value of what others including women believe they ought to be, at odds with the environment in which they live.

          Its not to forgive men for being pigs if they are in fact such but more to say that men are still expected to be things that are part of the traditional mold even if women in some ways aren’t. I personally dated a mind fuck of a girl who rejected any and all traditional (or even reasonable) relationship expectations, mostly because she was truly messed up by childhood sexual abuse, but she at the same time expected a pretty much 100% traditional male model of behavior, ie. buying her things, fawning over her like a princess, being tough and emotionally reserved (attempting to express how one felt as a man was apparently sissy and she wanted to date a man not a woman).

          Feminism which is only concerned with women is missing 50% of the equation.

          • maggot says:

            Yes, this “Unknown” fellow is making a very common terminological confusion. For sure, there simply isn’t the “institutionalised sexism” — dare I say privilege — against men in anything like the quantities or variety suffered by women etc., but there’s provably sexism in the primary definition.

            #notallmen use a dictionary

            it’s not like rps commenters to be afraid of the big words sadface

  9. Spacewalk says:

    I think that there is more than one name here that isn’t real.

    • Melody says:

      I always suspected Cara to only be a pen name. I mean, it does mean “Dear” in Italian. Dear Ellison. So narcissistic.

      • SuicideKing says:

        That’s a very interesting interpretation/analysis of her name, and quite beautiful too!

        And thanks for the video, I used to think that Valve had used an actual old song, but could never find it…was also interested in the translation (which is quite interesting too, given the context of the game’s narrative). Forgot to look it up, I guess.

  10. GallonOfAlan says:

    I’ll tell you what …this article has been an education. :o

  11. Ryuuga says:

    Spanking? By a giant or something? Dang, he’s flying around like a rag doll. I thought it was a (hilariously overdone) thrust-movement for some nawty-business-simulator.

    That said, more spanking games, please!

  12. FataMorganaPseudonym says:

    Feminist porn tends to focus on many different things: it gives a better overview of bodies, focuses on both bodies equally, close ups are tempered with wide shots, faces are important, and often the couples have actually requested to sleep with each other because they are attracted to each other. You tend to get people in feminist porn who are interested in fucking each other for the sheer pleasure of it, rather than as just a job. Feminist porn is also a lot less obsessed with genitals.

    Speaking as a straight, cisgendered male, I have to ask: why can’t all porn be more like this?

    • Melody says:

      OBVIOUSLY, you’re not a REAL man.

    • tumbleworld says:

      Amen.

    • Phendron says:

      Women are things to be used and discarded at the earliest convenience.

    • Hex says:

      As far as I can gather, mostly because pornography targeting your demographic isn’t intended to be about human connection, it’s intended to be about domination, objectification, and self-gratification.

    • KillahMate says:

      Yeah, that list covered pretty much all my complaints about most porn I’ve ever seen. And Jesus, the genitals! What *is* it with the genital obsession?

    • Bobka says:

      Yup, I have all the privileges, and that kind of porn leaves me confused and bored. Seriously. I mean, when the people who shoot these videos actually have sex with someone, do they spend the whole time staring at their partner’s crotch? I don’t understand. That’s not what you see when you have sex; why would it be sexy?

      • Distec says:

        It’s not that hard to imagine people like seeing sex bits in motion.

    • Gap Gen says:

      Yeah, a lot of porn is actually hugely offputting. Let the sex workers control the means of seduction!

      • maggot says:

        I can’t upvote?!?!?!??!?!?!!!

        Constant revolutionizing of seduction, uninterrupted disturbance of all sexual conditions, everlasting uncertainty and agitation distinguish the PUA epoch from all earlier ones.

    • Distec says:

      Why can’t all porn be the kind you’d like? What do you care what other people masturbate or hump to.

      I’m slightly surprised I’m seeing RPS commenters act stuffy and superior over what other people might get off on.

      • Hedgeclipper says:

        Its only porn, not like he suggested playing a Facebook game or something.

        • Distec says:

          Porn has probably provided more benefit to the world than Facebook has.

      • pepperfez says:

        The complaints aren’t about what other people like, but about the mass market failing to provide what the complainers like. That’s not “stuffy and superior,” it’s being a consumer.

        • Distec says:

          That’s a very charitable reading of some of the above comments. Saying “all porn should be like so” is not complaining about lack of options, it’s an indictment of what other people choose to pleasure themselves to. Same goes for the snark about “humiliation” or the strange mystification as to how people might get turned on by genitals. As if only morlocks would get aroused by the sight of a penis entering a vagina or anus (or anything).

          In regards to the article itself, I really can’t comment on the availability or quality of pornography for lesbians since that is not material I have ever sought. But for the people I was responding to, it’s just untrue that you can’t find soft-core stuff or (nauseatingly-titled “erotica”) that doesn’t focus on the nitty gritty mechanics of boinking. Yes, hardcore porn of varying degrees is popular, but it doesn’t have a monopoly in the slightest.

          • pepperfez says:

            Ehh, I think you might be misreading them — hardcore porn per se isn’t the problem, it’s that most existing hardcore porn doesn’t tickle their…whatever. It’s the same as, “Why are the big games nowadays shooters and MMOs and not turn-based strategy?” It’s self-centered, sure, but if there’s anything more self-centered than watching porn I can’t even imagine it.

          • maggot says:

            people choose some awful things to pleasure themselves to, though, and I for one am not so high-minded as to fight for their continued freedom to do so.

            Not to recycle downing street’s rhetoric, but are the hordes of teens learning about funbits from redtube really making an educated decision about what culture to immerse themselves in?

            one of the chief problems of capitalism is that a product can dominate a market space and thus actually lead to less choice. There’s no success to be had for the invisible hand when you can train consumers into wanting only your abusive, culturally dominant, unreal product. There can only be at best an asymptotic approach to some state of affairs where porn is something a consumer can take a refined and independent look at to choose what to patronise, what they might actually like rather than be expected or compelled to like.

          • Jamesworkshop says:

            nobody pays for porn anymore

    • malkav11 says:

      Because porn is, like any other industry, about what makes money. And while there’s an audience for the sort of porn described above (which probably includes me although I’m not sure I’ve even run across much), there’s apparently a much bigger audience for other kinds. People are wired differently. As long as everyone involved is really consenting and being appropriately compensated, I’m not that fussed, myself.

      I do find a lot of mainstream porn really bafflingly unerotic, though. The very most popular vendors, like Bangbros or Brazzers or whatnot all seem to feature heavily augmented and cookie-cutter stars with camera angles, scenarios, and activities that are just dull to me. I’ve had the most luck going outside American productions – it seems like they have more fun and are more creative over in Europe and to some extent Japan. (Though Japan has a worrying tendency to have their actresses wail and moan and cry like they’re being tortured instead of enjoying themselves. Not just in the simulated rape porn, although that’s also a thing, but in general. I guess the idea is that women are supposed to be shy and reluctant but respond in spite of themselves or something? I try and steer clear of those.)

      Mostly, I want to see people enjoying themselves in fun, sexy ways. Dispensing with inhibitions. Etc. It’s reasonably available in porn video. It seems sadly absent in porn gaming.

    • SuicideKing says:

      Yup, this. I end up watching movie sex scenes many times just because it feels less blunt and more real.

    • Ergates_Antius says:

      But then where would the men who enjoy watching women being degraded and humiliated get their jollies?

      • Jamesworkshop says:

        same place men get femdom porn from

        • Distec says:

          Porn should only depict soulful lovemaking. And please keep the camera above waistline. I’d really just like close-ups on the eyeballs.

          • Josh W says:

            Easily done, just have two people having sex while wearing these.

          • Ergates_Antius says:

            Straw man, false dichotomy. An increasing proportion of hardcore porn isn’t just showing naughty bits rubbing together, it’s selling point is violence towards women. It’s showing women being abused, dominated, humiliated and violated for the enjoyment of men. It is extremely disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

            Am I judging men who get off on watching sexual violence towards women? Yes, I’m judging the shit out of them. That doesn’t make me a prude.

    • LexParsimony says:

      I can’t believe someone referred to themselves as cis-gendered and I find that completely ridiculous.

    • Kala says:

      kinda sad, innit.

    • Josh W says:

      I have a theory about that, and it’s basically that it’s down to porn being director driven.

      Like imagine having to direct other people having sex: “Ok, now you put your lips there, and you like it..”

      The picture that comes to mind is someone vaguely putting two dolls together, except those dolls are people trying to pretend it’s the most amazing experience of their life.

      Add that to the exploitation and lack of expression that has been a problem in porn for years, and you have a recipe for artificiality that is essentially the same problem you face when working in any job that is supposed to be about emotion and connection, like customer service. It’s all fake, but you’re supposed to “sell it”.

      So you end up with the kinds of scenes that don’t totally fall apart in that context, which is generally the most mechanical stuff.

      Give the people involved more power, more room for expression, and they can just start to chill out and have sex, with more of a documentary thing starting to happen.

      • pepperfez says:

        It’s really weird that more of the perpetually tight-budgeted porn industry hasn’t embraced getting rid of the director altogether.

      • P.Funk says:

        You’re always going to need a director because someone has to direct the camera and decide how to frame the events. Directors also tend to be involved in putting it together after filming and cutting scenes together between the different shots. Just because its about humping doesn’t mean the need of a director is gone. Besides there are endless examples of film with romance and sex in them that are basically totally artificial but which are well done and believable. In many ways two oscar winning actors pretending to be in love are less realistic than two people who may have sex semi-regularly in their line of work as some people tend to. James Deen and Joanna Angel, darlings of the alt porn scene, have god knows how many scenes together. They have more of an intimate relationship than two hollywood actors who might kiss for a total of 10 or 20 seconds on screen.

        The other thing is, as someone who’s seen my share of mainstream porn, not all porn is created equal. Its mostly just as lame as most cinema is. Bad acting is bad acting. The better end of the mainstream porn production is done with stars and studs who obviously like what they do, get off on it, and have some chemistry. They do actually let people work with people they want to work with, put together shoots of people who have good chemistry and in the end those scenes tend to be a lot hotter than the run of the mill casting couch 19 year old with a few tats who thinks she’s going to make easy cash giving a few blowjobs on camera.

        I look at porn like any other modern media. Its mostly crap. There are a few places to find decent mainstream stuff thats really hot too. I dunno how mainstream kink.com is though. It does see a wide variety of pretty mainstream porn stars coming in for scenes.

  13. mpk says:

    I introduced a lesbian couple to mainstream lesbian porn one drunken night. They were excited and then a bit bored and then we put on Burnout 3 (it was a few years ago).

    Also, they had sex in my bed while I slept on the couch and only told me the next day.

  14. gattsuru says:

    “There’s hardly any fisting in this game,” Lacy says. “Fisting should be a national… an all encompassing thing.”

    I’m not sure this is well-supported by the evidence. Fisting /is/ more popular among lesbian couples than straight couples, but it’s still fairly uncommon : three out of four lesbian individuals in a recent survey “never” attempt fisting.

    • B.rake says:

      So if straight porn were produced primarily by lesbian pornographers, there would not be a series titled ‘Cuddles & Fists’?

      • Michael Anson says:

        …now I desperately need a Care Bears fighting game.

        • pepperfez says:

          This is the kind of wish a mischievous genie would delight in.

    • TWChristine says:

      That was actually quite an interesting read. Kind of weird to..read a very clinical view of my life in a way, but neat all the same. And I have to agree, when I was reading article and I came across the fisting part all I could think of was “Wait, really?” I think it probably has to do with the particular crowd of “New York Lesbians” you got, because I’ve known some girls (not necessarily from New York, but still) that would be all over something like that, and plenty of others who probably just want to cuddle and kiss, and what not.

  15. AsianJoyKiller says:

    TIL I watch feminist porn.

    • Traipse says:

      You, sir, have won the Internet today.

    • Timbrelaine says:

      That is amazing.

    • aepervius says:

      LOL whether intentional or not this made me laugh a lot. Thanks man, best medicine in the world.

    • Jeroen D Stout says:

      Serious question: can we either get blood censored or nipples uncensored. Because this approach is a bit childish.

      • LionsPhil says:

        Only when the mid-level managers of the western world have their values appropriately adjusted.

        (Although, honestly, it’s only the above-fold content of a post clearly marked “NSFW” that matters for that one.)

      • pepperfez says:

        The nipples aren’t being censored. They’re being improved.

        That said, I also support replacing all blood with Jeff Goldblum.

        • Jeroen D Stout says:

          OK, so how about the options:

          ( ) Yes, I wish to see gore
          ( ) Yes, I wish to see sex
          ( ) J̵̝͙e҉̬̼̲̞̮ff̹ ̱̩͕̪͍̝̤G̛̠̻̰͉̲͖o̴̩̰̫̺͔ḽ̫͉̤ͅd̟͔͓̕b̧͎l̯̥͎̩̯̜ͅu̩̺͝m̮̤͇͓

    • Kala says:

      ha :)

  16. AXAXAXAS MLO II: MLO HARDER says:

    Brilliant article as usual. Somehow I love the little parts when Cara tries to sum up several minutes of talk in a single, baffling sentence.

  17. drewdupe says:

    Cara Ellison, promise me you will never change :D

  18. Monggerel says:

    Few things are less hot than mainstream porn
    frostbite i reckon
    vespers long past
    was summer but a dream
    fuck

  19. oyog says:

    I can’t even express how pleased I am at how open and comfortable this comment section is.

    Thanks Cara and lesbian associates for a great article leading to great discussion!

    =D

  20. malkav11 says:

    I am weirdly curious about Real Lesbian Sex ™, even though it has no possible relevance to my straight male life and I have not historically found lesbian porn particularly interesting. Even the stuff that might possibly be authentic, rather than the awkward male-centric version presented in most “lesbian” porn.

    • TWChristine says:

      Huh, a rather interesting topic to be..interested in. But then again, I’m always astonished that there are doctors who specialize in butts, so whatevs! With that said, incase you haven’t seen it, just a few posts above Gattsuru posted a rather interesting paper on the topic.

  21. noodlecake says:

    “In the game there is scissoring”

    That’s what lesbians do isn’t it? Either that or stand at opposite ends of the room and run at each other and hope that there’s some stimulating vaginal collision?

    • Chorltonwheelie says:

      It’s all very simple, I’ve been taking notes.
      Penetration bad, fisting and vibrators good.
      Cuddling good, sleepy oafish men bad.
      Man spanking good, scissoring women bad.

      So much easier than reading Foucault.

      • pepperfez says:

        I read the third line as “sleepy oarfish bad” which, yeah, I guess I like my oarfish lively in bed?

      • Faxmachinen says:

        Speaking of lively, I once dreamt that the fair lady I was bedding was a wooden figurehead. Then I fought giant spiders in the basement with a sword.

    • Jalan says:

      Common association doesn’t mean every lesbian practices tribadism.

    • Timbrelaine says:

      No no no. That was before they built the LHC.

  22. Scumbag says:

    All I can think of is Steve Hill

  23. Jamesworkshop says:

    I did find it a little odd to see, too much stuff going into people being followed by not enough fisting.

    Strictly speaking mainstream lesbian porn is girl-on-girl (an important distinction) it’s a bit like knowing the difference between a heterosexual couple and a bisexual who’s current pairing just looks to be a heterosexual one, to an outside observer.

    • Pockets says:

      If you want to see the inverse of the whole “girl-on-girl for a male audience” thing then all you need to do is start looking at written erotica tbh. As it’s mostly written by women for the kind of audience that laps up creepy shit like 50 Shades of Grey, almost all the gay and MMF stuff is written for a straight female audience.

      • Jamesworkshop says:

        I’m well aware of all that stuff

        link to amazon.co.uk

        not sure why you brought it up, it seemed about as relevant as pointing out that some lesbians have sex with trans-men on occasion

  24. belgand says:

    At a certain point some of this seems to be ignoring the nature of fantasy. Mentioning “oh, well, that position looks a bit uncomfortable, why not just do something easy?” sort of misses the point. The same applies to lengthy discussions of consent and boundaries. Important? Absolutely! Sexy? No, not really. Do we really want games that instead merely reiterate all of the often dull, awkward, and practical elements of sex?

    • Pockets says:

      It can be sexy, sometimes, and the idea of working that into a tutorial is actually kinda genius.

      The point they bring up isn’t that it’s fantasy, its whose fantasy it is.

  25. PopeRatzo says:

    Is there multiplayer?

  26. TheDudesRug says:

    So men are only good at putting things into women, saying that is OK. But beware if you say, women are only good at being passive-aggressive, shit’s gonna fly dude.

  27. Colliwinks says:

    AVG is reporting a win32/Heur infection in the installer exe downloaded from their main site. I hope this is a false positive, but can anyone else confirm that?

  28. Premium User Badge

    Phasma Felis says:

    My favorite picture is Picture #4, in which Girl #1 appears to be attempting the Heimlich on Girl #2’s bottom.

  29. Timbrelaine says:

    I really liked this article. It made me laugh a lot, but this made me sad:

    “I feel like that’s the only thing they’re good at,” Lacy says.
    “I feel like that’s what’s beaten into their brain that that is what sex is,” Sam says

    Haha! Men are so mindless and sexually limited. Somehow I didn’t find this funny.

    • pepperfez says:

      Would it make you feel any better to know these women are not having sex with men? And that maybe expecting any random lesbian in print to recognize the full range of male sexual expression is deeply silly?

      • Timbrelaine says:

        I haven’t had sex with all kinds of people, yet I extend them the basic decency of assuming they aren’t comically inept at sex, and if I didn’t it wouldn’t be deeply silly. It would be pretty mean.

        • maggot says:

          Not that I am assuming anyone is guilty of this misreading, but Cara reprinting their comments is by no means an endorsement of them.

          In much the same way we might indulge Molyneux by sharing his mad prattling, the declamations of the tipsy lesbians is also shared, probably, and I’m going out on a limb here, for the sake of humour. And hey, as an oppressed minority, they’ve all the more reason to feel the world misrepresented.

          I’m glad to hear that men qualify as good at something though, that’s nice to hear.

  30. Uninteresting Curse File Implement says:

    Oh no, scissoring can’t be fake, noooo!!! Why’d you have to take the dream away from us!

  31. cliffbeall says:

    This was really funny and I learned a new word, but mostly it makes me happy that there is a Museum of Sex bar.

  32. sophof says:

    Well, from the looks of it this is not actually a ‘lesbian’ game, but a game with lesbians in it if you catch my drift, so it is not surprising to me that it contains a lot of implied male sexuality. Enjoyed reading this, would’ve loved to provide some counterpoints in that discussion :D It’s a shame that good eroticism is apparently really hard to do.
    However, It sounded a little like male sexuality was ridiculed and misunderstood, which is a bit silly I think (and learned behaviour). It is as important as female sexuality and good sex will contain a mixture of both. Although they were all lesbians I guess, so what would they care :P

    And it is important to understand that porn for men says as little about what men want as porn for women says about what women want. I doubt any man thinks most porn is actually ‘good’, it just does the job…

  33. geldonyetich says:

    At least the title is apt. This is a game about lust. There’s little rhyme or reason to what’s going on here, right? Clearly, the characters have completely lost the battle to their libido. Lust has won, all the other horsemen have gone home.

    But what is the catalyst that drove this terrible state of events? Well, imagine if you lived in a strange world of ambiguously pubescent girls with brains the size of walnuts. This apparently is the population of the entire planet. Perhaps you would call that world, “Girlvania,” like Bram Stoker suddenly had a stroke that drove his misogyny into overdrive. The horror. The horror.

    What else is there to this game? Well, I guess it’s supposed to be summer.

    Therefore, Girlvania Summer Lust.

  34. TWChristine says:

    My first thoughts upon seeing the article were “Oh cool! Lets see how this turned out!” And then I saw the header picture and thought “Well..ok, prettying yourself up is an interesting way to start the game,..understandable to a degree, but still comes off a bit weird.” And then the more I read, and the more pictures I saw, the more I realized this was probably on the same level of those “porn games” from the 90s.