Cardboard Children – The Awful Green Things

Hello youse.

Have you ever seen the major motion picture “Alien”? Or it’s incredible sequel “Aliens”? Or it’s disgraceful third film “Alien 3”? Or that other one, where the thing gets sucked out of the thing and the swimming and so on and so forth? Or the one they fight the other type of aliens out of the alien film about the alien who hunts the soldiers? Well, if you’ve seen any of them, you’ll probably enjoy playing this game about wee aliens. It’s called The Awful Green Things From Outer Space.

THE AWFUL GREEN THINGS FROM OUTER SPACE

That name is a mouthful! And this is an old-ass game, published by Steve Jackson games as a shiny new print that isn’t very shiny. It still has that old-school vibe to it, all little cardboard chits and old-ass artwork that is somehow awesome while being old-ass. Like, old-awesome-ass. It looks a little bit like a game you might find printed on the back of a cereal box, and somehow that just makes it better.

It’s a 2-player game, with one player taking control of the crew of a spaceship and the other player controlling the invading aliens. Right from set-up, it’s clear the game is going to be a fun ride. You’re placing crew members into different areas of the ship, seeding the aliens, and stashing weapons all over the place. You’re placing a big handful of dice by the board. This is CLEAN, OLD-FASHIONED, FUN-FIRST game design. It’s designed by Tom Wham, who was based at TSR back in the day when cool stuff was just firing out of every orifice. (And in Forgotten Realms, The Whamite Isles are named after him.)

Yeah, so anyway – this game is just dripping with character. The ship’s crew have a big clunking robot who can move round the ship bashing aliens on the head. I just wanted to get that out there right up front. I think the robot is only in the game because robots are cool. When it all kicks off, the crew members need to either eradicate the aliens or get to the escape pods and get the hell out of there. Then some weird scoring system kicks in – we’ll come back to that in a minute. It’s not important.

It’s all old-school movement points and hit points stuff, with dice-rolling to decide encounters. The aliens are shitting eggs everywhere, and these eggs hatch into babies, and the babies grow into adults. And then those adults shit more eggs. And as the game progresses the aliens just multiply and multiply, Tribbles-style, until entire areas of the ship have turned green with alien scum. When you kill some aliens, there’s the chance they explode into fragments that can grow into new aliens. So you could find yourself going HOORAY and OH MY GOLLY GOSH HELP ME from one breath to the next.

Let me talk about weapons now, because this is the coolest part of the game. The aliens are aliens, right? And what do we know about aliens?

Nothing.

That’s right. We know nothing about aliens. If we knew about aliens we’d have a name for them, right? We’d be calling them Dojengalun Swarmpods or something. But these are just aliens – entirely alien – their properties unknown. So when the aliens smash into the ship, and all the crew members start grabbing weapons – get this….

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE WEAPONS DO TO ALIENS.

So you launch a gas grenade at a room full of aliens. Hey, guess what. They might like it! And you don’t know until you try it out. (When you use a weapon for the first time, you draw a little effect chit from a bag, and that tells you what the weapon does for the rest of that game.)

MAN. Let me tell you – this is a game that really makes you laugh. Often a lucky hit with a weapon can backfire in spectacular and hilarious fashion. FIRE? YUM. GIMME MORE FIRE. And now you have aliens growing in the white heat that was supposed to kill them. And it’s a neat little gameplay wrinkle too – a good player will experiment with the weapons first, with some caution, before launching anything into a room heaving with aliens. But even the best players need to hit and hope when things get sweaty, so the late game will often find players making blind draws and praying to their gods for a pleasant surprise.

The game flies by like this, with crewmates being eaten and aliens spreading all over the place. If things tilt too far against the chances of the crew, it’s time to set the auto-destruct and get the hell off the ship. If things go REALLY badly, just fleeing the ship is an option too.

How cool is this – if any crew members DO get off the ship, you can play a little choose-your-own-adventure style game (printed in the rulebook) that tells you whether your people manage to make it home. The alien player reads it out and the escaping player makes choices and rolls dice. It’s just another funny, silly layer that adds flavour to this funny, silly game.

This is a wonderful little game. It’s charming and witty, and the look of the thing is so trashy and pulpy and beautiful. It’s a game that will generate a story every single time. It’s not a game for people who like games to be rigid and balanced and fair. It’s one for people who enjoy a wild ride, and like to file gaming memories in a place marked “DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME…”

Today we see lots of cool little designs, and a lot of clever mechanics. But I’d like to see a few more flavourful, story-rich, fun little experiences heading our way. The Awful Green Things From Outer Space has a likeability factor that can’t fail to win you over. Hunt it down!

I’ll see you next week for my last column of the year!

21 Comments

  1. Emeraude says:

    Woah… talk about a blast from the past.

    My last owned copy of the game is probably somewhere in Mali right now. I should dig up for another one.

    I totally add my recommendation (for what it’s worth), it’s a very fun, unassuming little game. It builds stories.

  2. Halk says:

    So uh, howsabouts some information regarding the current print status/availability of the game, maybe?

  3. Baines says:

    Have they changed the ship layout over the years? I had the decades old TSR hard-board version, and remember the ship looking different there.

    I later bought the expensive Steve Jackson Games ‘VHS’ box reprint, but was so disgusted with the low quality of the components versus the excessively high price that I ended up never even playing that version. (Yeah, another “Remember when Steve Jackson Games used to be cool, giving you insanely high value for insanely low prices? What happened to turn them into a company that charged premium prices for Cheapass Games quality products?” moment.)

    EDIT: Looking at images on Boardgamegeek, I guess it is the same room layout. It just looks different because the SJG version is more rounded.

    EDIT #2: No, one difference. At some point SJG turned the third sensor bay into a crew quarters.

  4. Claw Claw Bite says:

    Brilliant game! My older brothers had it in the early 80’s but they got me a copy in 1992 and it’s been a favourite in our house ever since. I even designed my ex girlfriend a T-Shirt with all the crew on. It’s a fun game but playing the crew is pretty tough. Those one eyed cabbage aliens sure can breed fast. Sparks with a 5 dice to kill pool cue is something to see…

  5. Solar says:

    Any good location for purchase. ebay not so helpful only international shipping. Most places seem sold out

  6. Arglebargle says:

    I’ve still got an unpunched first edition of Awful Green Things From Outer Space. Ha!

    Aliens 3 is That Which Should Not Be Named. Oops…

    And Aliens 4, whatever its flaws may be, gave Sigourney Weaver some serious scenery chewing time.

    • RARARA says:

      I have accepted that I will never understand people’s distaste for Alien 3. But rating it below Resurrection? Dear me.

      Perhaps watching the assembly cut of the film might change your mind?

      • SquidgyB says:

        I’m with you on this one. Alien 3 still retained some of the realistic, gritty feel of the earlier ones, and IMHO fits into the universe ok. It’s not a brilliant film, but certainly not the pile of dog shite most people seem to believe it is.

        *Resurrection* on the other hand is a complete misstep – it’s cartoony, trying to be funny, goes for really pointless jump scares and feels more like a wannabe pre-cursor to the Marvel films.

        Alien rant over.

      • Little_Crow says:

        “watch the assembly cut of the film”
        Agreed, I made the missus watch it as she maintained she hated Alien 3, she changed her mind with this far more sensical version.
        If you can ignore the incredibly poor sound quality of the readded scenes it’s a far superior movie.

        I read the Alien 3 novelization yonks ago and wondered why it differed so much from (and was way better than) the movie it was based on – the assembly cut answered that.

      • Arglebargle says:

        Nope. Wooden spaceships, oh my…. The film was plagued with problems, poor personnel decisions, terrible writing, foolish story decisions, an ill prepared debut director brought in late, etc.

        If you read up on the history of the re-writing of the script of Aliens 3, it’s pretty laughable. The production is nearly a textbook example of what not to do.

    • baby snot says:

      I like Alien: Resurrection.

  7. Premium User Badge

    teije says:

    This is so awesome to see this available in a new edition – best game ever! I still have the original TSR edition from 1978 (I think) of this from my childhood and play it often with my son. A great game and loads of fun.

    But most importantly, does it have the comic?? That’s the best thing about the original – the little comic explaining how the crew found this cute little green egg on an alien planet and then – well, you can guess the rest!

    Now I’m waiting for the re-issue of “Snit’s Revenge” to happen. A similarly hilarious 2-player game by TSR. I just played that 3 days ago with my son. And it’s comic is even better….

    • jenkins says:

      The comic! By the gaming gods I may still have that somewhere in the basement. I feel like I read it a thousand times.

      Yeoman: “Doc in five.”
      Doc: “Owtch!”

    • Premium User Badge

      ADinVA says:

      I bought Awful Green Things in a box, way back when, simply on the basis of having loved Snit’s Revenge and both games were by the same creator. Snit’s Revenge came to me as a pull-out-the-pages and build-your-own-pieces game from a Dragon magazine. Both games are terrific.

  8. Keiggo says:

    I like Alien 3 :(

  9. jenkins says:

    When I bought my first copy of Dragon Magazine, it was for the sole purpose of getting The Awful Green Things game that was stapled in as the centerfold. My first introduction to those little cardboard chits with Doc, Sparks, the Mascot, and others. Little did I know this would pave the way to a lifetime of RPGs, Avalon Hill boardgames, and just about anything SSI published. Countless hours of my life spent in all of these pursuits.

    Plain and simple: this is a gateway game, and you are reckless and amoral for recommending it to today’s youth!

    brb – buying a copy and a six-pack of Zgwortz to start the weekend early.