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Audrey Hipbone: Breakfast At Cemetery

A skeleton breaks fast in a cemetery, struggling to crack eggs and consume the contents of plates and bowls. You are that skeleton.

And I said what about Breakfast at Cemetery?
She said I think I remember our lives,
And as I recall I think, we both kinda had flesh,
And I said well that’s, the one thing we’ve lost.

Breakfast At Cemetry is like QWOP except with breakfast instead of running and a skellington instead of an athlete.

Notice that the trailer warns that the game is “bullshit”? It’s not wrong. This is Bully’s Special Prize, alright, but just as I occasionally read some bullshit fiction to pass the time or watch some bullshit on TV to wind down at the end of the day, I’m happy to play a bullshit game every now and then. And Breakfast At Cemetery is some of the best bullshit I’ve stepped in recently.

You control the skeleton’s arm, accidentally flipping tables or forking yourself in the eye. As is sometimes the case after a beery night on the tiles, the Full English seems like a fine idea but turns out to be a boss battle of sorts. Beans will fly. Eggs are as problematic to the dead as to the living. Ketchup is a reminder of the blood that once pumped through absent arteries.

A skellington you may be, but you’ll be pleased to note that many of your organs are in place, which goes some way toward explaining why you’re so keen to eat all of that bacon.

Breakfast At Cemetery is out now.

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Adam Smith

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