Bayonetta Sorta On PC Ish A Bit (Ok It’s A Browser Game)

Heeey hold on.

Hang on. I need to get into character for this. Right. I cannot believe that Platinum are taunting me so cruelly. Or, worse, I can. This is only the latest knife stabbed into my - MY - very beating heart on purpose. I've been waiting for years for Bayonetta to turn up on PC, and Platinum have finally released a PC Bayonetta game only OH WAIT it's a free browser game I literally no, no, that’s not for me.

But if we play the little game on their website’s 404 page, maybe ☆magic☆ will bring the gun-shod witch to PC proper. Or their webperson will fret that these 404 visits mean their site is busted.

The game itself is a fluffy novelty, where Bayonetta stands on the left side of the screen, blasting away at waves of enemies coming from the right. It doesn’t have the combat or zaniness that makes Bayonetta so wonderful, but it’s a thing you can play and an excuse for me to wish aloud again that Bayonetta would come to PC.

Read our bit about Platinum’s similiar-ish Metal Gear Rising: Revengance in 2014’s Bestest Best Awards and replace the concept of a surly cyborg with a sultry witch, holding a sword in your foot with wearing guns on your shoes, and naughty cyborg mercenaries with angels. It’s ridiculous and wonderful and I’m so bad at it. Bayonetta [official site] and Platinum’s also-oh-it’s-so-good-why-isn’t-it-on-PC Vanquish [official site] are the main reasons my Xbox 360 continues to survive my rounds of possession-purging.


  1. RARARA says:

    Y’know, I never could find this ‘feminist outrage’ against Bayonetta as claimed by certain folks. Pretty much everybody seems to be cool about her.

    • Da5e says:

      Mmm, I’ve never heard about any outrage. It’s certainly not mentioned in this article. It’s almost as if you’re shoehorning an irrelevant point into the comment thread for some sinister purpose!

      Bayonetta really is the Best Game Ever, though.

      • RARARA says:

        Sinister purposes are the best of purposes.

      • Antorus says:

        He might be talking about the Polygon review. It was a really dumb review. Let’s judge a japanese game with western standards!

        • Kempston Wiggler says:

          …Weird comment. Those standards are OUR standards. Japanese material should expect to be judged by the eye of the beholder; I see no reason to pretend I’m culturally Japanese to appreciate something while my western upbringing screams about how wrong that something might be.

        • Monggerel says:

          Yeah, let’s!

          Like, fucking duh. Do you have other standards besides?

        • KevinLew says:

          A review by definition is the writer’s personal opinion on the game. There’s no such thing as an objective review of any game, because a review by very definition is subjective. If a reviewer didn’t like it because he found the main character unappealing, then that’s his right to do so. It’s up to you, the reader, to decide if the reviewer’s dislikes have any merit or not.

          • trout says:

            may i direct you to this site perhaps?
            link to

          • El_Emmental says:

            That would work that way if the reviewer wasn’t reaching several thousands of people, who are capable of reaching critical mass, at which point a few of its members will feel invigorated enough to take more active actions against the people, company and communities tied to the subject of the review.

            As the actions become more invasive and severe, more people feel comfortable joining in at a slightly lesser level of intensity, while the same minority of extremists will push further and further until it crosses the legal line and authorities are involved.

            The mob mentality have been existing for centuries. It led to countless riots, both at small and large scales, it fueled the witch hunts (ha!), lynching, up to region-wide ethnic cleansing.

            That’s the only reason why we expect the media, public figures and politicians to hold back their “gut feeling” and carefully choose their words when talking in public, because we are now perfectly aware that galvanizing a crowd can lead to disasters – way beyond the initial intention.

            In the case of Bayonetta, a significant number of writers (blogs included) described it as a male fantasy, some gross porn-ification of the main character, rewarding the players with female nudity.

            Interestingly enough, a lot of these writers only experienced the game through screenshots, short gameplay footage and interviews of the developers on the accusation of sexism.

            With that approach (investigating accusations of sexism) and point of view (literally, the point from which a situation is observed), Bayonetta could be perceived as the vilest thing ever: bodysuit, long legs, high heels and some attacks revealing the witch’s body.

            Meanwhile, some other writers – many of them female and feminist, fully aware of the issues affecting women in our current societies – experienced the game by playing it for hours, enjoying both the gameplay *and* the character design. The bodysuit, seen as pandering to a sexist audience, could also be seen as Bayonetta’s own personal choice and sexual identity, since the witch can freely alter her appearance and clothes – the bodysuit is her choice, her body. From a sex-positive point of view, the appearance of Bayonetta can perfectly be an empowering symbol, and decrying it, actually slut shaming the witch.

            The same can apply to the high heels, also pistols in the game: it’s turning her high-heeled shoes, something that would be a materialistic pedestal (objectification) in another context, into a proactive tool that she masters and use to retake control over her environment and destroy her opponents.

            When some attacks are revealing her skin, it is her choice to use these attacks, her choice to unveil some of her body. There the possibility that the character Bayonetta is not afraid of her body, and actually proud of it. Again, repressing the sexuality and body confidence of women – just in case it could lead to objectification – isn’t the choice of a lot of branches of feminism.

            Where does this lead us? That Bayonetta (the game) and the sexualization (or sexual nature) of its main character (Bayonetta) isn’t necessarily evil, sexist and abominable. That maybe it’s both empowering and objectifying, depending on where you stand regarding sexuality.

            That’s why publishing articles and blog posts, read by thousands of people, without taking the time of discussing that topic with other people – especially people with different opinions on the matter of sex, sexuality, sexualization, sexism and, last but not least, feminism – to make sure you’re not completely missing an important part of what’s you’re covering, is irresponsible and harmful to everyone (players, developers, publishers, the entire culture) no matter what is their gender and sex.

            It’s demonizing an entire culture, while depicting the issue of sexism as a simple equation where sexualization and sexuality are always bad, unless in extremely rare cases where it must be constantly repeated (as some kind of defense in a ‘guilty until proven innocent’ inquisition) that it’s ‘deconstructing’ that sexualization in a short quirky indie game. Even in these cases, indie devs try their best to dodge the blame & shame by relying on “non-standard” relationships (because it clearly can’t be objectifying and sexist if it’s not the “two western middle-class people of opposite genders” stereotype).

            That’s why I believe the people who spread such ideology going against the individual right to sexuality should be held responsible for their public writings and be criticized, it’s not something that should be waved aside on the excuse that it’s “just an opinion”. An opinion that brings a 50 000-strong mob at the doorstep of a person and their family, with 50 threatening apathetic individuals and 5 real psychopaths, is not “just an opinion”.

            nb: that applies to all kind of groups, opinions and people. Social network lynching knows no barrier.

    • KDR_11k says:

      You mean Arthur Gies? Don’t take that idiot seriously.

    • Alice O'Connor says:

      What are you all doing to my nice tidy comments section and why?

      • Kempston Wiggler says:

        Uh oh! Teach is here – SCARPER!

        *flees back to 1960’s Whizzer comics*

  2. Baines says:

    I really wish Vanquish could get a PC release. I’d have rather have had Vanquish than Revengeance.

  3. rexx.sabotage says:

    that’s some score you racked up there.

  4. derbefrier says:

    After seeing all the praise bayoneta 2 got I wouldlove to see it come to PC. If its as good as people say its a shame its wasted on the Wii U. I seem to remember the first one being pretty decent also.

    • Baines says:

      The thing so many miss is that Bayonetta 2 wouldn’t have existed if Nintendo hadn’t stepped in.

      Sega decided not to fund the game. Platinum talked to other publishers. Platinum and Sega eventually came to a deal with Nintendo.

  5. somnolentsurfer says:

    Not easy, is it?