Hang on. I need to get into character for this. Right.
I cannot believe that Platinum are taunting me so cruelly. Or, worse, I can. This is only the latest knife stabbed into my - MY - very beating heart on purpose. I've been waiting for years for Bayonetta to turn up on PC, and Platinum have finally released a PC Bayonetta game only OH WAIT it's a free browser game I literally no, no, that’s not for me.
But if we play the little game on their website’s 404 page, maybe ☆magic☆ will bring the gun-shod witch to PC proper. Or their webperson will fret that these 404 visits mean their site is busted.
The game itself is a fluffy novelty, where Bayonetta stands on the left side of the screen, blasting away at waves of enemies coming from the right. It doesn’t have the combat or zaniness that makes Bayonetta so wonderful, but it’s a thing you can play and an excuse for me to wish aloud again that Bayonetta would come to PC.
Read our bit about Platinum’s similiar-ish Metal Gear Rising: Revengance in 2014’s Bestest Best Awards and replace the concept of a surly cyborg with a sultry witch, holding a sword in your foot with wearing guns on your shoes, and naughty cyborg mercenaries with angels. It’s ridiculous and wonderful and I’m so bad at it. Bayonetta [official site] and Platinum’s also-oh-it’s-so-good-why-isn’t-it-on-PC Vanquish [official site] are the main reasons my Xbox 360 continues to survive my rounds of possession-purging.