Where’s The Boning? Bonetown – The Power Of Death

The Icy Throne is my favourite sexual technique.

Way back in 2008, Kieron played Bonetown, a game where you beat up dudes and totally do it with hot chicks. And by “do it” I mean “engage in the act of sexual congress”! But I’m pretty puzzled by the sequel, Bonetown – The Power of Death [Steam page], which launched yesterday. I don’t see any hot chicks, for starters. Or boning (that’s slang for sexual congress). Even to my eyes and desires, this medieval fantasy action-RPG about a skeleton looks like an entirely different game.

“Play in this epic fantasy-adventure game where you can explore and do everything you want. Build, craft, search, steal… and fight for your liberty!” say developers CPSoft. The original Bonetown was made by a different studio, D-Dub Software, which may be why this is so different.

Perhaps “do everything you want” is a reference to sexual acts so shocking to polite society they couldn’t even hint at them on Steam. You know, the really cool sex tricks for advanced sex-havers: the old Hammy Sprocket; the double-reverse Jammie Dodger; Old Man’s Hand; Dead Man’s Switch; A Bird in the Hand; Schoolboy Error; A Stitch in Time; Vale of Tears; Chew the Fat; The Fatted Calf; Brian Blessed; Owl and Otter Sanctuary; Throbbing Gristle; Full Sex to Completion.

If you’re feeling bold – sexy and bold – you can find it on Steam. The trailer doesn’t show any boning, but it wouldn’t, would it?

18 Comments

  1. misterT0AST says:

    Big Head Mode: the game.

    Hope there will be a cheat for small heads.

  2. slerbal says:

    We tried the Brian Blessed once, but the gold lamé hotpants were just uncomfortable and my other half didn’t appreciate the bellowing. Shame. She looked good in the fake beard….

    (Thanks for giving me a good laugh)

  3. RedWurm says:

    Just seen Jim Sterling’s video on this, apparently the controls are stupendously bad.

    • Baines says:

      Not just bad, but actually broken.

      From what Jim Sterling shows, WASD input was only being registered on key release, not key press. At the very least, that is what he demonstrates for ‘D’. I couldn’t tell if it was the same for W and S, that he was having to repeatedly tap to move, or if it just moved in a stuttering fashion with the key held.

  4. AngoraFish says:

    Bonetown totally needs a proper sequal.

  5. Zallgrin says:

    Did anybody else notice that the gameplay and everything about the UI just screams “lazy Skyrim mod”…?

    • kendoka15 says:

      Indeed. The compass, the inventory bar and probably a lot more are almost exactly like Skyrim (except for the shite unreadable font)

  6. RCoon says:

    A single Italian guy made it. Uses the Unity engine, and needless to say this is the first time he’s submitted anything on Steam and has very little idea of what he’s doing. Also the assets are 100% from Unity, so no thievery from Skyrim (unless the assets he retrieved from Unity have been rips of Skyrim assets). Controls are mindblowingly bad, no mouse or controller support.

    • RCoon says:

      (I’m the reviewer for techpowerup, so I’ve had to do a bunch of research on this. Not really looking forward to writing the article on it)

  7. jfml says:

    Wow, right now it only has three (very lengthy) negative reviews on Steam. Ouch.

  8. Talahar says:

    I lost a hand doing the double-reverse jammy dodger, so this article is totally triggering.

  9. b33fman says:

    Ok, just one question about this, HOW the hell did this get on Steam? I’m looking at the Steam page right now, there’s not even a publisher for this thing, how come other actually worthwhile games have to go through Greenlight but this thing can appear on Steam just like that?

  10. BooleanBob says:

    Kieron ;_;

  11. Shadowcat says:

    Now Alice, that’s just mean. Fantastically, laugh-out-loud hilariously mean :)

    (I’d feel bad for the developer, if the game didn’t sound so amazingly broken.)