FIFA Ultimate Team On Player Upgrade Spree

WHO EVEN ARE YOU ALL?

Foot-to-ball isn’t actually on the list of “things I do not understand”. I followed it closely for a few years in the mid nineties so I’m not a stranger to how the game works. My reference points, however, are outdated and weirdly specific and I have never played FIFA. This post about FIFA Ultimate Team player updates can only go well then…

N.B. Usually Graham would be doing that stuff but he and John are on a “coffee adventure” so here I am.

FIFA Ultimate Team – as far as I can fathom it – seems to be a kind of fantasy league team-building type thing within FIFA 15. Players for these teams can be earned by picking up sort of digital card packs and each of the footballers has a bronze, silver or gold ranking. I think there’s a sort of “shiny” called an In-Form player – that’s a footballer who’s been outstanding and gets a special card with their stats boosted. You can use the cards to create a team and then take that team to compete in tournaments against other FUT players.

After the 2015 January transfer window closed FUT received a massive update to reflect who’s gone where as well as raising the value of a number of players – 130 of them to be precise. But from this point it becomes nonsense to me.

Where is Phil Neville? [Adam: he’s having his own coffee adventure]
Where’s Ian Rush? [Adam: shaved his moustache, lost his powers]
What of Robbie Fowler? [Adam: became an actual god and now lives in the rafters of the Kop]
Zinedine Zidane? [Adam: did a headbutt and was banished to the moon]
Jurgen Klinsmann? [Adam: successfully reintroduced soccerball to the USA and was made Secretary of State]
Karel Poborsky? [Adam: lobs for food]
Ruud Gullit? [Adam: at 52 is still the best player in the world but is not included in the game due to hair-based licensing issues]

Looking through the list I know only Gianluigi Buffon. I have no idea how or why I have heard his name but he seems to be doing well, so there’s that.

Something which is also confusing me at the moment is the In-Form upgrades because some players – Paul Pogba from Juve, for example – seem to have two cards, each with different values. I assume that’s because he got two In-Forms but why would the values be different and why wouldn’t you simply adjust the existing In-Form? That is a genuine question, by the way.

But yes. There is a whole bunch of information and numbers over on EA’s FIFA blog so I figured I would let you know in case this was a Matter Of Interest.

And now I am going to Google to try and find out whether Dennis Bergkamp ever conquered his fear of flying [Adam: Yes. Became an astronaut].

15 Comments

  1. DrollRemark says:

    Ah, Pip missed the big Footballer Hero Wipe of 2003. Figures.

    Buffon got a reboot a few years later, I think they were going for some retro appeal there

  2. Wowbagger says:

    Totally didn’t parse this article, but I am interested in this coffee adventure of which you speak.

  3. spacedyemeerkat says:

    Ugh. Is the RPS ‘foot-to-ball’ meme back?

    • RARARA says:

      How can it be back… if it never went away?

      • spacedyemeerkat says:

        It actually did for a while.

        • Big Murray says:

          If “by a while” you mean “in-between now and the last iterations of Foot-to-ball Manager and FIFANESS came out”, whereby there’s been no foot-to-ball posts necessary.

          • spacedyemeerkat says:

            There have been several articles regarding football games that have not once referred to football as ‘foot-to-ball’. Strange, I know. And yet curiously true, I tell you! Several people even commented how refreshingly unpatronising (my spidey-sense is telling me that’s not a word) it was. No, really!

            But it’s okay. I suppose it makes some people smile and that’s dandy. There’s an awful lot more to worry about in the world. Of that there is no doubt.

    • SuicideKing says:

      What would you rather have? a foot-to-FACE meme?

      • jonfitt says:

        No! Be quiet or they’ll hear you. They mostly come out at night. Mostly.

        • BooleanBob says:

          RPS’s memes have been uniformly terrible. The best thing to do is just let them all quietly fade away.

          KG

      • yan spaceman says:

        Was going to link a certain youtube of John Terry (couldn’t happen to a nicer guy), but it’s not for the faint hearted. Footy fans will know what I mean.

        I always wondered what those youtube videos of people going mad opening digital packs of football cards was. Do you have to buy these packs? Or is that a silly question?

  4. thedosbox says:

    I have a sneaking suspicion there are some Liverpool fans amongst the RPS staff.

    Can’t quite figure out why though.

  5. akbarovich says:

    DO THE PLAYERS DO THAT THING WHERE THEY TURN TOWARDS THE CAMERA AND CROSS THEIR ARMS AND LOOK ALL POUTY? LOL!!!!!

  6. Skeletor68 says:

    I played a good bit of this before the January update. Never been a big FIFA player but bought 14 when it was on offer before Christmas. Ultimate team is ok but for casual football management I prefer something like TopEleven.