Blackrock Hearthstone Is On The Way

Churn that rumour mill, sprinkle the leak flour and get ready for some delicious card butter, Hearthstone [official site] is (almost certainly) getting a new expansion. Ahead of Blizzard’s PAX East panel that will showcase more details on Heroes of the Storm [official site], Overwatch [official site] and the card battler, the Hearthstone site has been updated with some minor teases. There’s also been a number of leaked/faked cards passed around the various corners of the internet, which I’ve gathered here. Meet them well below.

According to a post on fansite HearthPwn, along with the Lava Surger I’ve picked out above the rotation of cards on the main site has been changed to ones referencing the recently reinstated WoW dungeons of Molten Core and Blackrock Spire. As some of the most well loved and easily recognised areas in the game, this is being taken as an indication that the next update will bring an adventure akin to the quite good Naxxramas one from last year.

There’s no hint of what will be said about Heroes and Overwatch, but with the biggest of brass there for both games it’s likely large announcements of the timelines for release and beta periods.

As for new cards, here’s what the internet’s found/made so far and my unique Is It Real Rating™ for each:

Shaky Cam: 7/10 – Card readable even though you’re making a sharp exit stage left.
Balance: 0/10 – Are you kidding, Blizzard? Worst game ever.
Real Realness™: 10/10 – Possibly the realest card on our list.

 

Shaky Cam: 3/10 – Good effort but the boss was clearly walking over while this was taken.
Balance: 0/10 – MORE Shaman buffs? Worst game ever.
Real Realness™: 2/10 – Name containing none of EPIC, TITANTIC or RADTACULAR? Try harder.

 

Shaky Cam: 9/10 – Part of the card cut off? Basically unreadable? Now that’s shaky cam.
Balance: 0/10 – It literally kills my opponent. Actual worst game ever.
Real Realness™: 3/10 – ALL FIVE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE

 

Shaky Cam: 5/10 – Average. Could be a badly timed sneeze rather than sneakily snapped.
Balance: 0/10 – Makes me not even play the game. Which is fine, because it’s the worst. Ever.
Real Realness™: 6/10 – Health more likely 3. Then numbers on card count up from 2.

 

Shaky Cam: 10/10 – Now this is shaky camming. A work of art. They should have sent a poet.
Balance: 0/10 – You’re making me physically ill. I’m quitting for my health.
Real Realness™: 9/10 – Definitely fits with Blizzard’s psycho definition of ‘fun.’

 

Shaky Cam: 1/10 – Two for ones are cheating! One point for cutting off half the details.
Balance: 0/10 – ON MY OPPONENTS TURN ARE YOU KIDD-OH GOD MY BILE GLAD BURST
Real Realness™: 8/10 – Mechanics that are impossible within the game engine? Double bluff innit.

 

Shaky Cam: 8/10 – That’s a sexy slant, oh baby.
Balance: 10/10 – This seems perfectly fine to me.
Real Realness™: 100/10 – Well I don’t think anyone can argue with this.

11 Comments

  1. satan says:

    Now I feel dizzy.

  2. gbrading says:

    If any of these cards do turn out to be real I fully expect they’ll only be usable by bosses in a Curse of Naxxramas-style adventure; their incredibly unbalanced.

    • LTK says:

      Only the left arm of Kiljaeden is absolutely made up, the rest are possible, but stuff like ‘use your hero power on the opponent’s turn’ is something that could only work against the AI.

  3. Brinx says:

    While I laughed a lot during this article, I am a bit disappointed that there aren’t more articels under the “very serious image journalism”-tag.
    This side needs more image journalism!

  4. thepanzer says:

    Zero interest in Hearthstone anymore. The pay to win scheme is too broken. Legendary cards are too powerful and too common even at lower ranks. In theory you can win with any deck to include free cards, but in practice if you run into a deck with 3 or more “good” legendary cards you’re probably going down. And there’s now enough decks with them that the imbalance between haves and have-nots is too great. I’m not willing to make the substantial cash investment to the RNG gods, or to pound my head against the brick wall of grinding AND the RNG gods.

    HOTS on the other hand is a blast. I still wish they’d copied DOTA’s payment method (you pay for skins, free access to all heroes), but aside from that I love how it’s dropped a lot of the unnecessary MOBA baggage and focused on the fun aspects. Played something like 6 hours worth of matches straight over the weekend. Also toxic players are pretty infrequent. So much fun.

  5. Mitch.sp says:

    If someone want to play a much deeper F2P cardgame alternative to HeartStone, I can

    fervorous suggest Might and Magic Duel of Champions.

    With more that 2 years of life, great art, 2 Base Set, several expansions, Standard

    and Legacy game modes, every card in the game available to free players and with an

    economic model really generous for new players.

    Is based in the lore of Might and Magic saga, and gameplay is really interesting,

    with 6 distinctive factions, and actually with 10 heroes for each faction, offering

    lots of options for gameplay and deckbuilding.

    Using a referal link for other player give new accounts 6 starter decks, one for each

    faction, plus another free one.
    link to signup.duelofchampions.com?

    refId=4VJF4A

    and here is a redeem code still active for more free packs:
    TH4NK5-70K-D0C-F4CEB00K-L3G1ON

    To redeem them after creating your account, you can either go to the official game

    website[www.duelofchampions.com] and login OR go to the ‘SHOP’ in-game and click on

    the blue ‘REDEEM CODE’ button on the bottom.

    • Mitch.sp says:

      Wrong format in last post, here is right.

      If someone want to play a much deeper F2P cardgame alternative to HeartStone, I can fervorous suggest Might and Magic Duel of Champions.

      With more that 2 years of life, great art, 2 Base Set, several expansions, Standard and Legacy game modes, every card in the game available to free players and with an economic model really generous for new players.

      Is based in the lore of Might and Magic saga, and gameplay is really interesting, with 6 distinctive factions, and actually with 10 heroes for each faction, offering lots of options for gameplay and deckbuilding.

      Using a referal link for other player give new accounts 6 starter decks, one for each faction, plus another free one.
      link to signup.duelofchampions.com

      and here is a redeem code still active for more free packs:
      TH4NK5-70K-D0C-F4CEB00K-L3G1ON

      To redeem them after creating your account, you can either go to the official game website[www.duelofchampions.com] and login OR go to the ‘SHOP’ in-game and click on the blue ‘REDEEM CODE’ button on the bottom.