Conker Coming To PC Via Big Reunion In Project Spark

I didn’t believe Conker was real, you know. I’d assumed a poo-obsessed platformer series about a boozy squirrel with guns was a hoax conjured up by the jokey final page of a games magazine to parody the rude ‘tude of ’90s excess. No, Conker was real, and now he’s coming to PC. In a way.

Conker’s Big Reunion is an episodic series made in Project Spark, Microsoft’s game make-o-share-a-play thing. It’s being made by Spark devs Team Dakota rather than creators Rare, though original Conker lead and designer Chris Seavor has returned to voice the squirrel again.

So whatever Conker’s Big Reunion is, it’s unlikely it’ll quite capture the spirit of the old games from the N64 and Xbox. Though given that they’re now a decade old and you’re a decade older, it would never be the same anyway. It never could. It’s okay. Let it go.

The first episode is due on April 23rd, arriving alongside a big bundle of Spark assets – props, terrain, sounds, and music – to make your own Conker games. Microsoft have yet to settle on prices for all this.

This being Spark, it’ll be limited to Windows 8. Hm. I shan’t be installing that for this, though Windows 10 is due to replace Win 8 this summer with free upgrades, and does sound pretty good.

It’s unlikely I would anyway, because I’m still not convinced this isn’t a magazine back page hoax and I’m concerned I’m repeating that time I went around telling people about an official Christmas Quake mod complete with carols remixed by Trent Reznor (we were all gullible once), but this trailer suggests they’ve at least put a lot of effort into this trick. Also, it sounds dreadful.

22 Comments

  1. Catweasel says:

    His face looks really messed up, I think it’s the weird weird modeled on blocky fur?

    • LionsPhil says:

      It’s also really roughly animated. His mouth sorta just distorts rather than suggesting actual bone and muscle movement.

  2. SgtStens says:

    Opinions for Conker aside, has anyone played around with Project Spark? It looks kind of interesting.

    • karhedron says:

      I have spent more hours than I would have ever thought with Project Spark. It is definitely a lot of fun, and the possibilities for what you can do are surprising. That said, it’s not without limitations, and there’s definitely a learning curve. If you’re the kind of person who hates buying DLC, it might put you off a bit as well – there is the option to buy a lot of stuff with in-game credits that you earn from playing and creating games, though. You can also play the stuff other people have made regardless of whether or not you own the DLC used.

      Long story short: it’s free, you pretty much have nothing to lose by checking it out.

      • Deadly Sinner says:

        Wait, it was released? Last I heard of the game, they had sign ups for a closed beta. And looking at Metacritic, it only received 3 reviews for PC. I’m surprised it’s gotten so little coverage after being such a big hit at the first E3 it was shown at.

        • karhedron says:

          Heh, yeah – it’s been out for a while. I checked it out when I got a notice on the Xbox about open beta or something back in… I dunno, October? So yup, it’s out and a free download for Xbox One and Windows 8.1. There’s currently a competition going to make a game as well, with prizes sponsored by Microsoft/Team Dakota (in-game content and credits) and Alienware (gaming laptops!)… you’d think there’d be more publicity, really.

          It seems to be a niche thing that’s passed under a lot of people’s radar… no idea what their user base numbers are, but there’s a bunch of very talented creators, as well as people gaming achievements and doing very unimaginative stuff. Regardless of the numbers, the users are a varied bunch. And, well, it’s free and all that, so I’d say check it out.

  3. int says:

    There are two ways of doin’ this, my way or its a he’a a dead motherfucker way. Take your pick.

  4. Mr Coot says:

    Well damnit. Got my hopes up for something else. As a child growing up in country Oz and sustained in part by a connection to something less awful via imported Whizzer and Chips etc comics at the local newsagent, I had developed a mystical and elevated view of the game ‘conkers’ (as featured in said magazines). Oh woe, what was this game of ultimate fun and low key violence I was missing out on? I will not find out from this computer game either. :<

  5. DrollRemark says:

    Conker always seemed to me (I played only a tiny bit of it, and barely remember that) like Rare took the fact that they wrote a couple of mildly-amusing scatological jokes into Banjo-Kazoozie and ran way, way too far with it. I don’t remember anything in it actually being funny, unless “teehee, poo!” is enough for you.

    • Nemnem says:

      I guess giants:citizen kabuto was a terribly unfunny game to you as well.

      • jorygriffis says:

        Giants has something resembling comic timing. I remember Conker being pretty funny when it came out on N64, but having recently replayed it, I can honestly tell you that it’s fucking torture.

        • pepperfez says:

          I will continue to defend the quality of The Great Mighty Poo’s singing. I’ll probably be in the wrong to do so, but I will.

      • DrollRemark says:

        Afraid I’ve never played it, so I couldn’t say.

  6. kevmscotland says:

    My absolute all time favourite platform game but since I don’t own Windows 8 I guess i get a big middle finger from Microsoft.

    Cheers!.

  7. Bradamantium says:

    I wish Microsoft would either leave Rare games dead in the ground or go the whole nine yards in Frankenstein-ing them, rather than these tepid cash-ins on decade old nostalgia.

  8. SMGreer says:

    Aaawww…I thought this was going to be a port of Conker to PC rather than some…other thing.

    Also, what the hell have they done to him? Where’s all the lovely rendered fur they managed to get working on the ORIGINAL Xbox?

  9. SlimShanks says:

    At first I thought this meant that Conker’s Bad Fur Day would be coming to PC. Now I am extremely angry.
    Seriously though, if you haven’t already, you must find any way whatsoever of playing said game. Yes, there are poo jokes, but there are also many many other jokes, including excellent parodies of Alien, Terminator , Saving Private Ryan, The Matrix etc… There is also a lot of witty dialogue, and to top it all off… it’s fun to play. Love it. I would get drunk with Conker any day.

    • DanMan says:

      Same here. I want – nay – DEMAND the Conker’s Bad Fur Day remake from Xbox on PC. Yesterday. Pronto!

      • Jalan says:

        If they could bring Conker: Live & Reloaded in uncensored (!) and bug-fixed form to the PC, then the demand chorus can start warming up. Not a moment sooner.

    • malkav11 says:

      And the Xbox version was one of the best looking games on that system to boot.

  10. liquidsoap89 says:

    I can still visualize the entire capture the flag map the original game had in it’s multiplayer mode. This was not only my favourite N64 platformer, it was also my favourite N64 multiplayer game.

    Also, there was 1 poo boss, and that was more or less it with the poo jokes IIRC. Don’t let that tarnish the rest of an incredible game!