Lordly: Telltale’s Game Of Thrones Episode 3 Out Today

Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen. It's not going to happen.

Some times you want an expert. You want someone who knows a game inside and out, back to front, uphill both ways in the snow. This person is also a menace. They’ll let story spoilers slip or, worse, show off with hints that aren’t as cryptic as they think. No, some times you want a fool, a know-nothing dolt who can’t ruin everything. That’s me with Game of Thrones.

So here’s me, certified clueless about the… Europa Universalis fanfic?, with word that The Sword in the Darkness, Episode 3 of Telltale’s Game of Thrones series [official site], will launch on PC today. I don’t know what’s happening in this trailer, but that won’t stop me from talking about it.

As far as I can tell, it’s a medieval fantasy adaptation of Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

An unruly gang of serfpunks are causing trouble in town, setting fires, intimidating locals, and going wherever they jolly well please. The role of squealing Scullions leader Zed (played memorably by Bobcat Goldthwait) seems to be filled by a dragon, though it still has its hideout in a cave in an abandoned zoo. Elsewhere, Commandant Lassard and his wife are under pressure from the Chief and the bleating fools of high society. Mahoney and the gang are rallying their forces, but the plot may deviate from the movie here as Moses Hightower seems to be a sleepy tree now.

As I understand it, anyway.


  1. ribby says:

    DId rockpapershotgun miss the release of Tales from the Borderlands part 2? Or did I just miss an article about it?

  2. Luminolza says:

    Sounds much more fun than the torturous slog through the mud of the first episode, with misery at every turn and the growing realisation it means nothing.

    Luminolza remembers this.

    • Monggerel says:

      and in the game HEYOO

      I always wondered why GoT got so popular. Is it the sex? It’s the sex isn’t it?
      Or Tyrion maybe. I have to admit I’m rather fond of what I’ve seen of Tyrion.

      • CommieScumPotato says:

        A lot of the appreciation I have for the games comes from the Books. I’m not a lore buff, I don’t read appendecies etc., but the characters are fantastic.

        Also, Tyrion. Without Tyrion the book would simply not be as popular as it is, even though it is fantastic.

      • ribby says:

        The books are incredible…

        I expect the Tv Show is popular cos of the sex

        • teije says:

          I am baffled when I hear people saying this. I found the writing a plodding slog of turgid prose. I really tried to like them – tried twice, but couldn’t make it more than 100 pages in before throwing the towel in. And it’s not the subject matter – I love good fantasy epics.

          What did I miss?

          • kament says:

            Just not your cup of tea, I guess. And not mine, either. Can’t say I didn’t like the books at all, but I’ve read “only” first two and then just… stopped, I guess. Lost all momentum to go on. Too many words, and redundant words at that, for my taste. Good thing they have to trim the source material for the show.

            Still can’t decide if I should give the games a try, since I think the show holds up thanks to live action, but not convinced that their cartoony copies can do the same. And they must, what with gameplay being virtually nonexistent in all Telltale’s latest

          • Smoof says:

            Different strokes. I don’t get the books either and found them pretty dull and poorly written/worded.

          • Geebs says:

            You are completely right. The books are a wretched slog punctuated by bits which seem just about to go somewhere, then don’t. The series paces the story much better, and has only occasionally got stuck on Danaerys doing nothing much (which was, if I remember correctly, about two whole books so far).

        • Mint says:

          I certaintly was not hooked on the TV series for the sex. If it handt been in there or had been less explicit i would have still come back to it for the very same reasons. I certaintly didnt mind seeing the dragon mother in her birthday suit or performing “the act” but if the rest was poorly written and presented i would not have been sitting there and watching and following the series.

          I do however suspect the people who say they had no interest in the series and find it poorly written and say that people only watched it because of the explicit sex ARE the ones who watched it for that very reason alone. >:)

          • Distec says:

            With the way some naysayers talk about the show, you’d think it’s nothing but a degenerative pile of blood and titties. I guess I’m watching something else?

      • Crafter says:

        I don’t know why the show is so popular, I only read the books.
        I am disappointed to see that the video game copy/pasted its graphics from the serie. I understand why it makes sense for them to try to cash on the success of the HBO show but it would have been an excellent opportunity to better translate the content of the book or even to come up with their own interpretation.
        For example the Iron Throne in the series looks nothing like it is described in the books and imagined by GRRM :
        link to marcsimonetti.deviantart.com

        • Mint says:

          Tbh , i would not have taken it serious if the throne would have looked like that in the series.

          In a comicbook , maybe.

          • Crafter says:

            It is pretty subjective I guess, I think that the throne used in the series looks like it comes from DisneyLand.

            It was just one example anyway, most of the places in the series are just one possible interpretation of the novels (I have no problem with that, but why not use the fact that you don’t actually have to build the sets to make more interesting places ? ). Cersei & Jaime could actually look like twins, Tyrion could have a monstrous appearance, …

  3. rabbit says:

    Cersei farted.

    She expressing grim, regal approval of the poopscent.
    The others are dismayed.

    QTE for wafting.

    • Bull0 says:

      Funny how the game protagonist is the least expressive one there. I think the designers may have as little passion for the dull Sansa retread as I do.

  4. Mint says:

    Who here still considers these telltale games actual “Games” ?

    • kament says:

      And who doesn’t? Except you, obviously.

      • Distec says:

        /raises arm halfway

        I like Telltale’s output, but I’m honestly hesitant to call them games given how inconsequential every decision is and there’s no real failure states outside of not tapping the ‘W’ key fast enough.

        • kament says:

          In other words, you’re not quite ready to say they’re not games, either. Maybe failstates isn’t all there is to videogames?