Idle Screenplays: Star Wars: Battlefront – Is It A ‘Stormtrooper’?

Where is Mr Chips?

Exec 1: “Gary?”

Exec 2: “Yes Mike?”

Exec 1: “You know how our Instagram campaign for Star Wars: Battlefront looks perfect and lovely on mobile and how we cleverly designed it for their 3×3 viewable grid?”

Exec 2: “Yes.”

Exec 1: “Do you ever worry that it might look like the worst round of Catchphrase in the universe on PC – a jumbled mess which people interpret as a guessing game and feel slightly weirded out when the final image – the “reveal” – is just a blank space and a tiny slice of shoulder?”

Exec 2: “You know how we had that talk about you raising these kinds of questions during the planning stage and not while we’re halfway through publishing the campaign?

Exec 1: “Sorry. Uh…”

Exec 2: “You’re going to do it again, aren’t you?”

Exec 1: “No no! It’s just…”

Exec 2: “Spit it out, Mike.”

Exec 1: “Do you think having @eastarwars as our username makes it look like we’re making a spelling mistake on a game called ‘Easter Wars'”

Exec 2: “… I hate you.”

Is the answer 'Stormtrooper'?

39 Comments

  1. Hairball says:

    fuken’ lol

  2. ButteringSundays says:

    In all fairness you are probably the only human being on the planet viewing Instagram on a PC.

    Load up IE6 and go browse the web. You’d be as big a market segment and I have a feeling you might have more to comment on :)

    • Hunchback says:

      I browse my instagram on PC too, because their integration tools are shit :)

  3. elpuma says:

    Would it feature the bunny or the island?

  4. int says:

    Prepare to miss everything you aim for.

    • hotmaildidntwork says:

      I suddenly have a profound desire to see someone make enforced inaccuracy a game mechanic.

      • Behrditz says:

        The original Dark Forces game did this. When you got the storm trooper rifle, secondary fire made it just shoot all over the place.

        • Fontan says:

          Actually, the stormtrooper rifle is quite inaccurate in all Dark Forces games up to the Jedi Knight ones.

          • Smoky_the_Bear says:

            Yeah in Jedi Knight it certainly sprayed all over the place compared to the pistol.

      • SlimShanks says:

        Bad Company 1 was that game. People did not like the aiming system. Personally, I felt cool firing 100 rounds out of my lmg just to get 1 kill.

      • P.Funk says:

        You’ve never played Halo with the main rifle have you.

    • Bull0 says:

      They only really miss loads when they’re deliberately letting the rebels escape. Other times they’re deadly accurate, and Ben Kenobi praises them for their marksmanship.

      • Geebs says:

        That wizard’s just a crazy old man

      • Scumbag says:

        Maybe in comparison to sand people. Makes me wonder how much friendly fire they suffer from.

  5. Ghost Bear says:

    The interesting thing is that the Stormtrooper is armed with a German MG42 or the current German MG3 (which is a slightly updated and rechambered MG42). Also used as prop in Aliens as the “Smartgun”.

    • Otto Lidenbrock says:

      Didn’t the stormtroopers in the original films use a British gun? It was with either a Sten, Lanchester, or Stirling, can’t remember which one.

      • Bull0 says:

        The Sterling based weapon is the Blastech E-11. The MG34 based weapon is a DLT-19. link to imfdb.org

        (excellent time-killer website, that one)

        • Kaeoschassis says:

          As an aside, I always adored the look of the E-11. It’s so bulky and tactile. I could say that about nearly every prop in SW, of course. That one just stands out. Possibly because of all the hours I spent playing Dark Forces as a kid. (It was woefully inaccurate in that too, come to think of it)

  6. GameCat says:

    It’s just a stormtrooper hacked up to pieces with lightsaber. :(

  7. Not_Id says:

    Is there a reason EA didn’t monetize those pics during the reveal?

  8. Alexrd says:

    “Mobile first”, is what they like to say…

  9. D70CW6 says:

    wtf is instagram?

  10. Cochise779 says:

    I loved every word of this post. I actually giggled like a schoolgirl. (Note: am not a schoolgirl)

  11. SuicideKing says:

    MOAR WARS! EASTAR WARS!

  12. slerbal says:

    I always wondered, is the asymmetrical shoulder pad like the flock of seagulls, but for stormtroopers? Are they in fact all new romantics, desperately struggling to reveal their individuality from inside the strictures of stormtrooper armour?

    That also is the entirety of my interest in star wars or new star wars games these days.

  13. Ogun says:

    Press [F] to lightsaber :(

  14. April March says:

    Now I want to play Easter Wars. Perhaps it should be about Eostre and Ishtar teaming up against the Easter Bunny and Jesus “Bloody” Christ.

  15. SuicideKing says:

    So, reveal in 10 hours?
    link to starwars.ea.com