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Tywinning Streak: Charles Dance In The Witcher 3

'the mecha-cock was this long'

Oh sure, Charles Dance is a Highly Respected Act-Or again thanks to his icily charismatic role as Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones, but I remember when he was making ends meet with roles in bottom-of-the-barrel drek such as 1996’s Space Truckers. He played a man with a cybernetic schlong, whose utterances included the deathless line “If I had an anus I’d probably soil myself.” It’s a far cry from “A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of a sheep.”

Let’s see if his role as Emperor Emhyr var Emreis in The Witcher 3 [official site] continues his latter-day Tywinning streak, or if he’s being dragged back to the mecha-willy Z-list all over again.

“This is my first videogame that I have performed in”, he explains in surprisingly grandfatherly tones. I’ll just bet he said “computer game” initially and they had to correct him. He then talks about how fantasy appeals to “quite discerning adults” these days, as the video shows a lascivious montage of clips including naked women licking blood off each other’s fingers and a guy making out with a ghoul with a tongue like a cybernetic schlong. Whatever you say, Charles.

“What I saw of…” – and just for a second, just for a word, the avuncular tone slips and his voice drips with scorn – “videogames ten years ago… it’s like a whole other world [now].”

Still, whatever Charles might or might not be really feeling about this new frontier, there’s no denying that he’s got particularly fine actorly chops, and it’ll be a pleasure to hear them here. His stern, ruthless character, the emperor of Nilfgaard, seems not a million miles away from Tywin, but we’ll find out in… oh, just a couple of weeks now whether he’s anything like as memorable.

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Who am I?

Alec Meer


Ancient co-founder of RPS. Long gone. Now mostly writes for rather than about videogames.

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