Smite’s New Lad: Ah Puch, Horrific God Of Decay

I will add you to the mailing list

If I had to evangelise for one god, I’ve decided it would probably be Ah Puch, Horrific God of Decay. He’s coming to Smite’s Mayan pantheon of playable gods in the MOBA’s next patch [official god page here] so I guess I could evangelise about his in-game presence, but I’m thinking more about going door-to-door and asking people if they’ve heard the word of Ah Puch.

“Have you heard the word of Ah Puch?” I would say.

“Who’s that when he’s at home?” they would respond, wrong-footed by the unfamiliar name.

“WELL,” I would say, jamming my foot in the door and brandishing promotional literature. “He’s the lord of the ninth hell, the lowest and most horrible of them all, and the king of the underworld.”

“I’m not really sure that’s the kind of thing we…”

“Look at this bit,” I would say, pointing to a passage in one of my pamphlets. “Says ‘Here dwells a deity of true evil, gloating over each corpse he’s claimed with macabre glee’. Haven’t you ever wanted some deity to gloat over your corpse? It’s a sign of a caring god that he would do that, y’know. Individualised gloating.”

“That’s one way to look at it I suppose, but…”

“Okay, how about this – would you prefer to have an army of projectile wraiths fighting for you or against you?”

“I wasn’t aware that was a choice I had to make.”

“It’s a choice we all have to make.”

“I think I hear my phone ringing in the other room.”

“Can I at least put you on the mailing list?”

“Ah Puch has a mailing list?”

“Yes, it’s very focused which is refreshing in this day and age. Lots of corpse news, local interest stuff, a crypt crossword.”

“You mean cryptic?”

“I know what I said.”

“… get out”

And thus my day would continue.

If you would like to hear the word of Ah Puch here is some more information:

He’s a ranged mage capable of high burst damage. His passive means walking over corpses left behind by his other abilities restores a little health and mana as well as reducing the cooldown on his Undead Surge. Undead Surge is where he raises two decaying corpses which surge forward. They’ll explode when they hit anything or at max range if they don’t. You can also trigger the explosion by activating the ability a second time.

There’s also Corpse Explosion which is pretty much what you would expect – a targeted explosion which also kabooms any decaying corpses in the area. Fleeting Breath raises a decaying corpse which sort of coughs miasma onto targets in the area and then falls over. The miasma causes damage over time followed by a stun.

The ultimate is Empty The Crypts which is that army of wraith projectiles I mentioned earlier to that imaginary guy. Watching the video it looks similar to Tinker’s March of the Machines ability in Dota 2.

All hail Ah Puch.

3 Comments

  1. Jackablade says:

    A name like that does seem to be asking for trouble… although given they’ve got plenty of less obscene sounding Mayan death gods to choose from, maybe that’s the point.

  2. Philomelle says:

    It sounds like your perfect god would in fact be Sithrak.

    He’s pretty cool people, all things considered.

    • Rizlar says:

      That’s exactly what I thought! Remember that things will be much worse later.