Gabe Newell Now Stomping And Stabbing All Over Crawl

Oh yes, yes, Gabe Newell’s in Crawl [official site] now but mercy me the Internet’s obsession with him doesn’t need any more stoking. Besides, the latest patch for on 3v1 compoerative (I coined that term, you can’t steal it) dungeon crawler’s journey through Steam Early Access also added a new Mini Beam Eye Bat evolution. Eye Bats! Boo! All the kids are in on hot Eye Bat memes, right? Loads of gifs of Victor Meldrew with the face of an Eye Bat saying “Eye don’t believe it”, right?

Oh, fine, fine, whatever: yes, Valve’s Gabe Newell is now a towering stabby enemy in Crawl with a mighty shoryuken. (Warning: 4MB gif within.)

Along with adding Gabe and the Eye Bat, the ‘Flame Skeleton update’ also revamps the fiery skeleton – hence the name. It also boshes in new gods to taunt, new weapons, new spells, better aiming for ranged attacks, bug fixes, and a hearty slap of balance tweaks. Check the patch notes for the full run-down.

I’ve only played Crawl briefly, but was surprised that it wasn’t a quick brawl play-a-dungeon-and-done deal – I was expecting five-minute rounds. No, get cosy with your pals on the sofa (make sure you have fresh water nearby, and don’t slouch), as each game is more of a half-hour campaign as one player controls the hero and the others are monsters trying to murder them and take their place. Across multiple levels, you level up, find loot, and more. I wish I’d played more but, alas, it wasn’t what we were looking for that night.

Anywho, here’s a gif showing off some of the things new to version 0.5:



  1. Orija says:

    I guess it’s pretty smart of Valve to approve turning Newell into a larger than life figure like Steve Jobs. Too bad then the recent paid mods took a bit of sheen off his expansive girth.

    • Flopper says:

      Didn’t take anything away in my eyes. All I saw was an entitled gaggle of nerds in an uproar that everything on the internet isn’t free. Steam gives you so much value for no money it’s crazy that they would be seeking to increase the value/revenue of their company.

      How dare a businessman do business on the interwebz! The audacity!

      And god forbid a modder get paid for the hours and hours of entertainment they’re adding to a game.

      • Cronstintein says:

        Um.. steam is taking 30% off every sale on the platform, so acting like they’re some type of generous benefactor is frankly ridiculous. Good for them on creating a near-monopoly but it’s hardly done out of the kindness of their hearts. They’re making WAY more money as a platform than they were as a game studio. And considering their complete lack of customer service, your attitude is kind of surprising.

        If you spend 5 minutes looking into the completely clusterfack that resulted in the wild west approach Valve took to implementing that paid-mod program you would see that it was not going to work. The complete lack of protections for both users AND modders was abhorrent. Valve wanted their 30% (and Bethesda their 45%) while at the same time taking *no* responsibility for policing it into a usable/reliable service.

        I’m hardly surprised it collapsed.

        • Panther_Modern says:

          30% is far less than publishers and retail distributors (especially used game retailers) took in the pre-steam distribution model

      • wengart says:

        The mods for sale system was almost certainly thought up, designed, and released by a gaggle of school children for all the forethought that went into it.

        That system had so many problems outside of “I want it free”.

      • Press X to Gary Busey says:

        Entitled fucks complaining when entitled businessmen Masters just want to suck their 3/4 from the udder while adding 0/∞ value except a slot in their monopoly.

      • BlueTemplar says:

        The issue with Steam isn’t that “everything isn’t free” on it – it’s that everything isn’t *libre* on it.
        But it wouldn’t be a problem if they weren’t becoming a de facto monopoly in combination of trying to make everyone use their (generally closed, sometimes inferior) services : Steam Forums, Steamworks : Achievements, Matchmaking, MP servers, Mod Workshop…

  2. Dorga says:

    Eye bats have been there for a while I believe, if not from the beginning. Ace game btw, shame we often have to leave before finishing, therefore loosing all the new stuff we would have unlocked.

  3. BlueTemplar says:

    Why would you even use a .gif for a video while that format doesn’t have any compression?
    Haven’t you heard of .webm??

    • Greggh says:

      YES!! This, please, RPS folks!

      Us looking at your site on our mobiles get bent over by ginormous-GIFs (though the warning was fair and explicit, so thanks)

    • LionsPhil says:

      doesn’t have any compression

      Except for the compression it has, you mean?

      • BlueTemplar says:

        Huh, I forgot GIFs even had lossless compression. Also it’s true that for pixel art lossy compression doesn’t work as well as for a “regular” video. Still, a 2.8 times smaller size is pretty nice!
        link to

    • LogicalDash says:

      It would be fine to just use gfycat

    • carn1x says:

      Your complaint confused me until I remembered I’m running the Imgur to Gfycat extension. Still it’ll be nice when publishers also catch onto this .

  4. trollomat says:

    the Internet’s obsession with him doesn’t need any more stoking
    good job

  5. Uninteresting Curse File Implement says:

    This one-note joke has been funny exactly once, and I’ve already seen it 3 times on this site alone. Why even include it in the final game: the whole Internet’s already seen it; we get it okay.