Those Assassin’s Creed Syndicate Pre-Order Packs In Full

Yesterday Ubisoft live-streamed its announcement of a new bounty of pre-order bonus opportunities, offering collections containing exclusive figurines, hip flasks, art books and a game called Assassin’s Creed Syndicate. With so much variety on offer, we’ve compiled a list of all those packs to help you choose which one to buy a full six months before the first review!

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – Gor Blimey Luv-A-Duck Collector’s Case

Price: £114.99

Contents:

– Exclusive bonus chimney sweeping mission
– Teach Yourself Cockernee Booklet
– Audio CD of American actors’ best Lin-don accents
– Exclusive pearly king hat (queen hats too difficult to manufacture)

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – Eastenders Edition

Price: £159.99

Contents:

– High quality Art Of The Caff book
– Exclusive Alfie outfit
– Queen Vic Diorama
– Audio CD of bow bells
– An exclusive mission to shut it, you slag
– Official Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate OST performed by Anita Dobson
– Ennui

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – Sitting Backwards On A Chair Deluxe

Price: £219.99

Contents:

– Exclusive reversible wooden chair (GAME online purchases only)
– Actual cane from this image (Amazon phone orders only)
– Double sided guide to jaunty sitting (Cancer Research Shops exclusive)
– Zack Off Of Saved By The Bell figurine (when purchased with Uplay refund voucher)
– In-game chair cushion (utorrent exclusive)

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – Look Like A Massive Wanker

Price: £289.99

Contents:

– That fucking hat

Assassin’s Creed Syndicate – Other Stuff We Know About London Edition

Price: £369.99

Contents:

– Exclusive in-game red buses
– Cut-out-and-keep signed photograph of The Queen
– Exclusive in-game Beefeater outfit
– Two-sided map showing how all of England is near London
– Uh, we dunno, do they have dragons there?
– Some Harry Potter shit
– You’ll buy this crap whatever we write here

76 Comments

  1. Judasgoat says:

    In for a penny, in for a pound. Put me down for one of each!

  2. FionaSarah says:

    Women-Are-Too-Difficult-To-Animate-For-Three-Quarters-Of-The-Game Edition.

    • Orija says:

      For a game that uses a shitload of animations that isn’t surprising.

      • SuicideKing says:

        It’s not only surprising, it also shows priorities.

        • TacticalNuclearPenguin says:

          They have a budget that could fund a war effort and yet they focus on so many side activities that you can no longer find the main quest marker on the map.

          They indeed have extremely nice priorities.

          • TacticalNuclearPenguin says:

            Let me also add that they also already have an army if they gather their staff.

            No, i don’t want them to go to war, i want them to make a product i’d feel compelled to buy.

    • Kala says:

      That’s why we can’t have a pearly Queen hat :(

    • Bluestormzion says:

      That’s actually a semi-specious argument. Claiming that you NEED to shoehorn a female character into a game that (in its own universe) is supposedly a historically accurate re-creation of (in universe) real events otherwise you’re insensitive to gender issues or whatever is hamfisted, at best. Especially since ever since Creed Brotherhood we’ve seen non-playable female assassins who are every bit as capable and deadly as their male counterpoints. Or even Altair Ibn La’Ahad’s former Templar wife, Maria. And there are the playable female characters who got their own games with nobody crying about Men being slighted.

      Frankly, all I can say about Ubisoft failing with Unity (besides the godawful shoehorning of microtransactions and online-mandatory BS) was that they didn’t have the nutsacks to say to the world “Look, this game is about Arno Victor Dorian, and the premise is that everyone is playing Arno Victor Dorian, even in Multiplayer, and Arno Victor Dorian is a man. You all need to deal with that. That’s the world we’ve built, and if you want a world with a female protagonist, go check out our other title, Assassin’s Creed: Liberation, now remade as an HD edition on the PC, and have Aveline de Grandpre stab all of the men that you blame for all the wrongs with the world.” Then Ubisoft would drop their mic and earn five billion Honesty points.

      • Serenegoose says:

        I’m glad to see that ubisoft have gotten around the difficult issues of two protagonists and women being too difficult to animate in a single stroke by making the second protagonist the invisible woman. At least I’d have to assume so, judging by their marketing material so far. They’re not ashamed of or want to sideline and otherwise marginalise the character who’s getting 50% of the game, are they? Surely not.

        • Serenegoose says:

          Slightly accidental reply, but in an actual reply to this post, I heard if you put the words historical accuracy next to assassins creed they both vanish and everyone feels stupid for having tried.

      • KevinLew says:

        Well, you almost got it right. The problem wasn’t that there wasn’t a female character in the other Assassin’s Creed game. The problem is that, when somebody asked if there was a female playable character, Ubisoft said that they were “too hard to animate.” They might as well have said that they ran out of pixels, because both answers are so incredibly stupid.

        You’re absolutely right that they could have said, “This is the game that we want to make and we’re not going to change it. We’re sorry if somebody is offended, but that’s not our intent.” But no game developer or publisher ever says this. Instead they always make up some bizarre excuse; an excuse which has to be a flat-out lie. My point is this: If somebody asks you a fair question and your answer is a lie, then that means that you are covering up something that you knew was wrong. And *that* is where the problem is.

      • Distec says:

        The “hard to animate” excuse was a shit answer, but I also feel like it was something of a panic response and Ubi was going to get it regardless of their reasons. If they said “We’re just not going to have a female avatar, so deal with it”, I think the mocking derision would have just been replaced with more grumbling about systemic ingrained gender bias.

        As disappointing as Ubi’s handling of the situation was, some of the angst around it wasn’t much better. I won’t pretend to have any expertise in game development or animation, but my takeaway was basically that female animations were out of the project’s scope (whether they should have been is another issue) and that they do require time and money to do properly. Yet there was this conception that it would just be super easy to drop an X skeleton into a Y model, and the absence of a female avatar showed Ubisoft doesn’t care about women…? I heard some animators say as much, while others had different opinions.

        In the end it seemed like something to only be mildly upset by, but for some reason turned into an overblown touchstone battle about video game culture that spilled into other trifling bullshit; like the new R6 game showing a female hostage in a trailer.

    • BobbyDylan says:

      No anymore. Didn’t you see the exclusive mission on the Eastenders edition?

  3. ribby says:

    Brilliant!

  4. Skid says:

    Well played good sir, well played.

  5. bcrowe says:

    Surely the Ennui is included in every edition.

    • Lacero says:

      I’ve got tons of the stuff already. I’d give it away free if I thought there was any point.

    • pepperfez says:

      It came as a free download with this article, too.

  6. moocow says:

    The Gor Blimey edition has a Pork Pie pictured, but this is not listed as included.

    Please clarify.

    • christmas duck says:

      It was removed from the pack when Ubisoft was informed that pork pies are from Leicestershire, rumours of it being replaced with a 3″ cube of jellied eels are yet to be confirmed.

    • Lacero says:

      That’s one of Mrs Miggin’s pies. It ain’t pork.

  7. Doganpc says:

    Think i’ll just wait for the Tosser of the year edition.

  8. Loyal_Viggo says:

    Is there a ‘Towering Arsehole’ edition?

    If so where can I buy?

    • christmas duck says:

      Is that the version where all the NPC’s are redubbed by Donny Tourette?

      • Loyal_Viggo says:

        No, it’s the PC version where Derek & Clive voice all the characters and banter fantastic abuse back and forth.

  9. The_Great_Skratsby says:

    Outstanding.

  10. Press X to Gary Busey says:

    I bought Ultima IX when I was younger. The game was meh but it was the regular standard boxed version. It was packed with tarot cards, booklets and a cloth map connecting to the actual game.

    I bought a Special Person’s Edition of Splinter Cell Conviction decades later. Because Gamestop sold it at the same price as the regular version for some reason. It came with an incredibly pointless and ugly Sam Fish figurine. Did Ubisoft really expect me to put it on the mantelpiece where other people might see it? It wasn’t even a toy. couldn’t even give it to my sisters kids to play with so I threw it in the trash compactor.

    • Love Albatross says:

      I got that fancy edition of Ultima IX which came with the same useless gubbins PLUS a CD with all the previous Ultima titles, except Underworld and Tales Of, anyway.

  11. Talahar says:

    Ubisoft is still at the forefront of demonstrating why preordering is a bad idea.
    Consistently overhyping, and underproviding in the last few years.
    And let’s not forget the insult-in-a-box that was Unity.

    But people will still run to preorder this like flys to a pile of… well you know.
    Some people never learn.

  12. melnificent says:

    That last line is sadly true. No matter what is written about it people will buy it.

  13. Lord_Mordja says:

    Don’t know why you bothered to make this up when there’s a DLC unironically called “THE DARWIN AND DICKENS CONSPIRACY”
    link to i.imgur.com

    Truth is stranger than fiction, after all.

    • Wowbagger says:

      In which we find that Oliver twist is in fact the missing link and must be saved from the illuminati during a thrilling airborne chase on a pterodactyl.

      Also something, something, pipwick papers and finches beaks.

  14. Kefren says:

    Assassin’s Greed.

  15. Perkelnik says:

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we all come here!
    Briliant stuff :D

  16. Bull0 says:

    Honest question – did the paris one look this stupid to real French people? Those outfits. What the actual fuck. And little tiny wrist cannons?

    • Rizlar says:

      At the risk of sounding way too serious – yeah, what the fuck is up with the outfits? The main dude looks an absolute tit. His shirt tails are all hanging out, he has a pointless and incongruous hood in a city full of people wearing hats and someone’s sewn asymmetric, dangly bits all over his ridiculous coat.

      And it’s not like they didn’t have plenty of inspiration to draw on – the idea of an immaculately moustachioed Victorian dandy with a top hat, high waistband and pimp-sword-cane stalking his two-legged prey through the streets of the imperial capital holds great appeal. I only ever played a bit of the first Arse Creed but this all looks, as we say in London, bloody awful.

      • BooleanBob says:

        At the risk of sounding way too serious – yeah, what the fuck is up with the outfits? The main dude looks an absolute tit. His shirt tails are all hanging out, he has a pointless and incongruous hood in a city full of people wearing hats and someone’s sewn asymmetric, dangly bits all over his ridiculous coat.

        I assumed he was from Shoreditch.

    • slerbal says:

      They look ridiculous like the whole game has been parsed by a Mary Poppins filter. Plus that fecking hood looks ever more stupid as it becomes more and more out of context. He looks like a sad prat.

    • Turkey says:

      They were told they couldn’t have clockwork robots so they had to improvise something else stupid.

    • instantcoffe says:

      It seemed pretty accurate, as in any Hollywood adaptation of the Three Musketeers, which was then remade by french director Luc Besson.
      Karate seems to have been replaced with parkour, though.

      • instantcoffe says:

        Also, since the game was made in Montréal, they would have hired french-canadians (québécois) actors and their accent is, well, pretty “unique”. The closest analogy would be having an american actor trying to do one of your weird british accents. Same level of rightful indignation and mockery and such, but within the french-speaking community.

  17. thedosbox says:

    When I saw the “Gor Blimey” edition, I thought it was really called that and rolled my eyes.

    Then I scrolled down.

    Well played.

  18. Zenicetus says:

    Excellent.

    The fucking hat is expensive, sure, but where else can you get one that folds up small for stuffing in a back pocket, so you can whip it out again when you need it? Cheap at twice the price!

  19. Goodtwist says:

    Noice

  20. nrvsNRG says:

    brilliant. my john walker like-o-meter has just shifted over into the positive range… you should feel privileged.

  21. SuicideKing says:

    Hahaha I wasn’t expecting this, but I guess I should have. And it took me a while to figure out what was going on – so very well played!

  22. Biggus_Dikkus says:

    one of the reasons i love RPS

  23. Darth Gangrel says:

    You need a spreadsheet to separate all these different preorder packs. This is an area at which Ubisoft really Excel.

    • Llewyn says:

      That spreadsheet would be about as much fun as my database of early Access games.

      • Optimaximal says:

        Quiet, the pair of you! Not… Another… Word!

        • Darth Gangrel says:

          Hah, you’ve got no Power(point) over me, I can say what I want!

  24. slerbal says:

    Good work, Mr Walker.

  25. int says:

    Strewth!

  26. Phantom_Renegade says:

    Real easy, none of them. Pre-ordering now rewards them for the Unity shitstorm. I know people who still can’t play Unity on account of all the bugs. The correct answer is, pre-order nothing and wait for the GOTY or at the very least the first couple of reviews.

  27. WiggumEsquilax says:

    How much do I have to pay for the bug free edition?

  28. Uhuru N'Uru says:

    Seriously, Ubisoft must think their fanboys are so stupid.

    After the Unitiy Debacle along with almost every single Ubisoft release last year.
    Watchdogs, remember that one.
    The Crew
    Even their best effort, Far Cry 4 had issues.

    That’s not even thinking about the actual gameplay crappiness, of them all being the same underlying game.
    Find high point, clear area and repeat, over and over.

    All that and you still Pre-order?
    Just wait until the game is out, if they try the Exclusive content lies, wait even longer.
    The Complete “Definitive” Edition will have all the bonuses and be the best the game will ever get.

    I won’t buy any Ubisoft game until it’s “Definitive” and under £5 = $10, if I even get one at all.
    It’s still new to me, however old it may be.

    Will some of you never learn, it appears not.
    Keep Pre-ordering their crap and that’s all you’ll get, more crap.

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