Wot I & My 2 Year Old Think: DOOM Cacodemon Plush Toy

I’m amazed it took them two decades, to be honest, but there is now an official soft toy based on DOOM’s floaty, cyclopic head o’death the Cacodemon. What was once meant to be a chilling avatar of demonic terror is now furry, squeezable and cute as big red button. Because I am an entirely-self interested father, I bought one for my daughter Connie’s second birthday instead of getting her a sparkly Frozen dress, a Peppa Pig playset, a cordless hammer drill or whatever it is young girls are into these days. This means a) I can get her to review it for me here and b) I can claim it as a tax expense. I totally win at toddlers’ birthdays.

Important note: Connie was at the tail-end of chicken pox when these videos were filmed, so any spots or blotchiness is not because we don’t bother to wash her face.

Let’s start by looking at how accurate a recreation of its pixel counterpart this toy is. I have grave concerns that compromises have been made, so I thought I’d double-check with Connie:

An important apology to Connie: following a fact-checking exercise, I discovered that the in-game Cacodemon’s eye is, in fact, green too. It only turns yellow when it’s about to eject a fireball from its gob:

There is no fireball accessory provided with this toy, therefore it is clearly a replication of the Cacodemon’s passive state and as such is, in fact, screen-accurate. Connie was entirely justified in her observation and her enthusiasm. I have shamed my profession, I have shamed my daughter and I have shamed myself.

However, it transpires Connie is an equally unreliable critic. Here, she appears to demonstrate expert knowledge of the Cacodemon, but pay close attention and you’ll realise something is amiss.

I know, I know! I’m shaking with disappointment. My own daughter. How could she let me down like this?

You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you? The in-game Cacodemon also sports two additional, smaller horns on its chin – so eight in total. Connie didn’t even look at the underside of the toy to see if it was accurate.

Fortunately, it was:

Well done, unnamed designer of licensed cuddly toys from horrifically violent videogames. But Connie, your reputation as a critic is now seriously compromised.

I’d hoped this was just a one-off mistake, and not a sign of a deeper rot. I had one more question which would either remove or compound my fears. I’d have to tread carefully, but if I posed it casually enough, perhaps I’d find my way to the truth.

Oh God. Oh God, no. I’ve made a huge mistake. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I was mislead into believing I was talking to an expert, but it turns out that this 24-month-old is not, in fact, intimately familiar enough with a 22-year-old videogame to hold an informed opinion about its sequels.

Out of politeness, I tried to wrap this exercise up naturally, as though nothing was amiss. And that’s when things went from bad to worse.

So, 8/10? But an IGN 8, not an Edge 8.

I’m as shocked as you are by her flip-flopping, though. No integrity. No honesty. Games journalists today, eh?

Disclaimer: Connie goes to bed cuddling this thing every night:

Please seek other plush toy review sites if you feel her objectivity cannot be assured.

You can buy the Cacodemon direct from the Bethesda store, but I got it from Amazon so I don’t have to wait a million years and pay customs to get it to the UK. Yes, it cost far more than a 6″ red furry orb ever should, but I didn’t know what else to get her. I was desperate. Also, tax. I actually think the toy’s really great.

70 Comments

  1. Soulstrider says:

    I am disgusted at this show of nepotism from RPS.

  2. Michael Fogg says:

    Bring on the Pinky Demon plushy! The market demands!

    • Dogsbody says:

      That was 100% my exact thought when I first saw these.

      WHERE IS THE PINKY??

  3. drumcan says:

    This is adorable. Thank you, Connie, and thank you, Alec.

  4. Jediben says:

    What an awesome gift.

  5. aliksy says:

    I recently learned the cacodemon is basically the head of the astral dreadnaught from D&D’s manual of the planes. link to en.wikipedia.org

    • Premium User Badge

      Skabooga says:

      Huh, and here I thought that it was simply a bastardized version of the Beholder. The lack of eye stalks should have tipped me off.

    • Jackablade says:

      Wow, that’s pretty shameless. Wizards of the Coast could probably make a successful plagiarism suit out of that one.

  6. Baines says:

    The bit about the horn miscount may be your fault instead of Connie’s. She could easily have thought that you were asking how many large horns were on top of the Cacodemon (six), and not known that you also wanted to include the smaller bumps on the bottom. Mind, you seemed to miss the lower horns in the count as well, despite having access to the same item. A bit cruel to publicly call out her mistake online without admitting that you were also tripped up by the chin horns.

  7. Gravy100 says:

    Awwwwwwwwwwww

  8. thedosbox says:

    Heh, this is cute. I was wondering if there really was a cacodemon toy when I saw it in Wolfenstein New Order – now I know!

  9. tehfish says:

    Argh! Too adorable to cope with… *dies*

    I hope you’re happy RPS, you killed me :P

  10. Asurmen says:

    I’m more of a PAYE expenses guy, but I’m pretty sure you plushies are not a self employment expense.

  11. Premium User Badge

    Skabooga says:

    If RPS morphs from a blog about computer games to a blog about children tangentially talking about computer games . . . well, I won’t exactly be disappointed, now that I think about it.

  12. Not_Id says:

    See, this is why Nintendo should make a Doom game. A big fluffy Doom game! Has anyone made a plush toy mod for Doom yet?

    Also wot Soulstrider said.
    Also wot drumcan said.
    Also wot Jediben said.

  13. RuySan says:

    Doom 3 is awesome. I can’t wait for Connie to get older and steal the job from her tasteless dad.

  14. Premium User Badge

    Hodge says:

    *melts*

    • Premium User Badge

      Hodge says:

      Also: Something adorable my two year old nephew is currently saying.

      play-acting feeling ill
      NEPHEW: I’m sick!

      ME: Oh no! What are we going to do?

      NEPHEW: We need to call the doctor.

      ME: The doctor!

      NEPHEW: Yes! The doctor will make me better.

      ME: And what does the doctor have?

      NEPHEW: A Tardis.

  15. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    What reaction do you get from other parents? Do you get a knowing grin from any of them? Or horror that you’d give your child a toy which is scary (despite clearly not being scary to a two year old)?

  16. Stugle says:

    It’s an adorable review of a rather adorable plushy. Put it in a bucket and Cassandra Khaw will be happy!

    My daughters have the part-plushy, part-color-changing-nightlight toys for their bedtime. I feel the Cacodemon would be even better with a green-to-yellow light in its eye.

  17. Synesthesia says:

    Dude, this is wonderful. Your ¨oh no!¨ had me laughing like an idiot for a while. Congratulations to the both of you.

    • Premium User Badge

      Bluerps says:

      Me too! The “Oh no!” was the third best thing about this, after the adorable kid and the adorable toy.

  18. jonfitt says:

    Aw, that’s adorable. The little girl is pretty cute too!
    See what I did there. Yes, I make dad jokes now.

  19. Ben Barrett says:

    This was fantastic and now I desperately want one.

    • Shiloh says:

      Careful what you wish for. I’ve got 3 (twin teenagers and an 11 year old) and to be honest, I do look back on my daughter-less life occasionally with something bordering on *intense envy*…

      Oh sorry, did you mean you wanted the soft toy?

      • ribby says:

        ^best comment

      • briangw says:

        I am very willing to ship my two daughters (ages 4 and 14) for two of your sons. Think of it as a “foreign exchange program.” I can almost guarantee you that you will be extremely happy you didn’t have girls. There is a reason why my gray hair has become more prominent in the last few years. ;)

  20. OctoStepdad says:

    I can picture it now.. Her going to show & tell at School and bring the Cacodemon. All the other kids will have Barbies/GI Joes/etc.

    I think you will be getting a call from the principal.

    Great article by the way!

  21. Ross Angus says:

    Cassandra will demand a picture of said Cacodemon in a bucket.

  22. SlimShanks says:

    Well, this is very cute and all, but… am I the only one who thinks it is a little inappropriate to give a two year old a character from a rather violent game? I’m not saying it’s going to be damaging to her psyche or anything, but I can’t imagine giving a child a Tommy Vercetti action figure, or a Pyramidhead lunch box, no matter how cool I thought it was.
    Maybe I’m overreacting.

    • Myanacondadont says:

      Oh please… It could very well be a mini Monsters Inc. toy.

      Unless you’ve actually played Doom, you wouldn’t have the slightest clue and thereby wouldn’t associate fear and demonic creatures with this plushie.

    • Stugle says:

      I understand your unease, but she clearly doesn’t know the game, or what a cacodemon is, or that it launches deadly fireballs from its mouth. To her, it’s just a soft, cuddly red/pink thing, with a single eye and convenient horns for grabbing it.

      As long as Alec doesn’t sit her in front of the computer to educate her on the origins of the Cacodemon (“And now, after daddy dodges the fireball from mean Mr. Cacodemon, I’m going to introduce him to my friend the chain saw!”), I think there is no harm done.

    • MrFinnishDude says:

      I played the Doom 1 a lot with my friend as a 7 year old, and all and all we weren’t really never disturbed by the game. It was quite fun. When you’re a child you don’t understand some things enough to be affected.

    • Ben Barrett says:

      Doom is less horrifying than children’s TV shows these days. You seen Adventure Time? Jesus christ.

    • SlimShanks says:

      I totally get what everyone is saying, and I wasn’t suggesting that a cacodemon plushie is going to traumatic to children. I was pondering whether or not some things might be inappropriate regardless of whether or not they will immediately affect the children handling them. As an example, let’s say a child toddler has a plushie of Stalin. They certainly won’t know what it is, but it sure as hell isn’t ok. It’s also totally debatable whether exposing kids to sexual imagery is bad for their psyche, but I’m not ok with that either.
      The question I’m asking is where exactly is the line between appropriate or not appropriate, and what defines it? That seems like an important thing to know if you are going to raise a child.

      • SlimShanks says:

        That’s supposed to say “be traumatic” up near the top there. Damn the lack of editing!

    • demosthien says:

      I posted this in the general comments before seeing your question, but I think it worth posting here for you as well.

      “I bought my (then girlfriend but now) wife a rabbit with big pointy teeth (Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog) plush toy for Valentines Day about 9 years ago. at the time she displayed a level of enthusiasm that made me think twice before deciding to stay with her and give her another chance.

      Good things come to those who wait however as my three children (7, 4, and 3) have all grown up with the rabbit and it has been called upon at numerous times as the bedtime cuddly of choice. The rabbit also does double duty as something horrifically frightening and dangerous that loves our kids and so it has guarded them all against a variety of monsters and nightmares.

      Best Valentines Day gift I’ve ever given.”

  23. davorable says:

    So cute!

  24. Ergates_Antius says:

    My 2 year old is quite fond of his chest-burster plushie.

    • briangw says:

      A co-worker of mine has the face hugger plush doll coming out of his vent in his office. The first time I stepped in there, I jumped a little. Lol

  25. AngoraFish says:

    Not a fan of immunisation then?

    • Sinomatic says:

      I don’t think we even vaccinate against it here (UK), do we? (I am childless so may be wrong on that count)

    • demosthien says:

      Chicken pox isn’t part of the NHS (UK) childhood vaccination program. Only people who it is thought will come into contact with people vulnerable to the illness (people with immune system weaknesses) are vaccinated as a matter of course. There are good reasons for not vaccinating as part of the NHS program but if you’d like to know more then it’s best you read it for yourself on the NHS website rather than just hear it from me, an educated bystander.

      link to nhs.uk

  26. ribby says:

    I can imagine another adult, perhaps a nursery teacher, freaking out over your child saying cacodemon

  27. welverin says:

    Wow, Amazon UK is definitely hosing you on the price. It’s so bad I wonder if it would be cheaper to import it from the Bethesda store.

    • Anders Wrist says:

      I live in Europe and bought it from there. It took such a long time to arrive that I had almost forgotten about ordering it, when it finally made its appearance. Worth every penny though.

  28. Beebop says:

    “Suitable for 3 years and up”

    Oh dear, Alec. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Has she been playing GTA 5 too?

  29. Mr_Blastman says:

    This is the best article I have ever read on here. She’s really cute, btw. So is the cacodemon!

  30. Engonge says:

    The levels of neoteny today is unbearable for me to watch. When I was 2 I used to work in a coal mine.

  31. jonathas says:

    Connie is the best toddler ever. I’ve met her, can confirm.

  32. DestructibleEnvironments says:

    I’m pretty sure they have had this cacodemon for like 5 years at least. Why are you saying it’s new? Also I have the same one. :P

  33. Mr Coot says:

    Awesome review. What a lovely daughter and very advanced to be counting at 2! (And looks like you too! If you were a cute blonde 2 yr old girl) I think you are doing the right thing here Mr Meer, it is v important to bring the young’uns into our heritage as soon as possible. For your next gift I would consider a Cthulu plushie or puppet. link to amazon.com

  34. Wret says:

    You’re the SMBC type of parent that sets up your child’s future trauma years in advance, aren’t ya?

    One day she’ll be old enough to actually play DOOM and “Yay it’s best buddy Cacodemon-OW SHIT THAT BURNS STOP IT *bang*…he’s dead. I KILLED HIM NOOOOOOOOO” ;-;

    Then she proceeds to kill 20 more and gets over it

  35. jmtd says:

    In the 90s a friend of mine made a cacodemon plush and it went on a world tour to various doomers. She was called “hissy”: link to doomwiki.org

  36. dethtoll says:

    This makes up for the 50 best FPS article. Makes up for a lot of other things too. Hell, it even makes up for that old terrible New Vegas review.

  37. PoulWrist says:

    I have one of these…

  38. Premium User Badge

    MonkeyMonster says:

    Brilliant, now we need a lego(technics) spiderdemon(mastermind) for when she’s 4 :)

  39. demosthien says:

    I bought my (then girlfriend but now) wife a rabbit with big pointy teeth (Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog) plush toy for Valentines Day about 9 years ago. at the time she displayed a level of enthusiasm that made me think twice before deciding to stay with her and give her another chance.

    Good things come to those who wait however as my three children (7, 4, and 3) have all grown up with the rabbit and it has been called upon at numerous times as the bedtime cuddly of choice. The rabbit also does double duty as something horrifically frightening and dangerous that loves our kids and so it has guarded them all against a variety of monsters and nightmares.

    Best Valentines Day gift I’ve ever given.

    link to youtube.com

    link to thinkgeek.com

  40. frightlever says:

    Should this be “Wot my 2 year old & I think” ? I dunno, but I think that sounds better.

  41. Jiriz0r says:

    Oh Alec, this was absolutely adorable, but do you know what you’ve set yourself up to?

    In a dozen years or so dear darling Connie will rediscover this footage, stored somewhere in the vast cloudy space of the internet for eternity. And then, as all teens do, she will feel terribly ashamed, ashamed of the sheer charming-ness of her two year old self man- (or should that be toddler-) handled into providing cutesy/nostalgia fueled adoration from the readers of her old and terribly unhip fathers old gaming news website.
    And, as all teens do, she will sink through the floor in shame, first nearly tearing her optical enhancement implants from her sockets (this is the future, remember?) in shame, then feeling a sinking pit of dread that her peers will discover the same footage and mock her for it and then cursing her father for involving her in his uncool and reputation-shattering antics knowing full well that in her current day and age these things are practical social suicide…

    That being said, I now feel the urge to trawl the internet for plushies of things I consider fundamental parts of my childhood and buy them as presents for any future child/cousin of my own.

    I’ll just not upload any video/images of them with said plushy to the unforgiving mercies of the internet.
    Oh no.
    Probably.
    Unless they look just as adorable with them, then I just might…