Foot Hacks: PrincesSize Is A Brutal Footwear Puzzle

No pain no weird dude who wants to be your husband because he thinks shoe size is unique

PrincesSize [itch.io link] is a Cinderalla-themed game which combines the grisliness of fairystories, the simple attraction of tangram puzzles and a touch of “oh good god, the pain of attractive but horrifically uncomfortable footwear intended for special occasions”.

In PrincesSize you are presented with the outline of a fancy shoe atop a fancy cushion and tasked with inserting a character’s in-game foot into that outline. The foot, as initially presented, will not fit. At all.

Luckily you have a knife and a can-do attitude and thus begin carving chunks off your hoof, rearranging them to fit the shoe and attempting to convince the prince that you are his beloved.

It’s an idea you might recognise from Into The Woods, where Christine Baranski’s evil stepmother hacks away at her biological daughters’ feet in order to convince the prince that one of them is his love. The act of forcing a shoe to fit also reminded me of some of the casualties you’d see at fashion week – plastered and bruised and squished into a sample size – or that bit at the end of a ball or a wedding when shoes which rounded out the outfit to perfection become too painful and awful to countenance putting back on and end up held by the heels in one hand or kicked into a corner.

They didn't cover this sort of thing when I used to get measured up in Clarks.

This incarnation came into being as part of the Public Domain Game Jam and is the work of Ido Adler, Alon Lipelis, Shir Hadar Oz and Ohad Reshef. It’s a tiny game with only a handful of levels and the collision physics sometimes gets pretty wonky but I do rather like it.

The rating system for how well you’ve done in each round seems to be that the fewer cuts you make, the less queasy the prince feels when looking at the bleeding mess you’ve stuffed into a stiletto. If you are eyerolling at that and thinking, “Yes, the poor prince; for really it is he who suffers in a world of unrealistic beauty standards and the pressure to adhere to them in order to achieve a much-vaunted fairytale ending…” you might rather enjoy the concluding challenge.

8 Comments

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    IJC says:

    The foot-cutting is an actual part of the original german cinderella fairy tale (called “Aschenbrödel” there). Also the stepsisters have their eyes pecked out by birds. Are you telling me Disney did not include these jolly scenes in the animated film?

    • Scurra says:

      Yes, I was going to say the same thing. Anyone who thinks that torture porn was invented by the film industry needs to read some of those original stories…

      • Shuck says:

        Yeah, really. See also, for example: Snow White, where the stepmother is forced to put on glowing-hot iron shoes and dance until she’s dead. By the “heroes” of the story, no less.

        • tintinmayo says:

          It’s par for the course when it comes to dwarves.They’re murderous bastards with a propensity for battleaxe-related crimes. They’re also really good with explosives.

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      Philippa Warr says:

      I don’t think I’ve ever read the old versions of Cinderella, other than some linguistic stuff about the verre/vair mistranslation so instead of a glass slipper she had a fur slipper. Used to love the more grotesque stuff though so I’ll look it out.

    • Fluxo says:

      The recent live action film Into The Woods does feature Cinderella’s step sisters cutting their feet and having their eyes pecked out by birds, and has her going to the ball 3 nights running.