The Man Who Stares At Goat Photos: 40 Mins Of MGS V

And with that, I am a fan

We’ve seen some of the Kojimaisms awaiting us in this Autumn’s Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain [official site], but what about the bits where you actually do stuff instead of endure/enjoy sustained psychic assault by cutscene? Seems like there’s plenty of sneaky Snaking to be had too, building on the excellent stealth of prequel Ground Zeroes.

And, well, there are a great many in-game Kojimaisms too. Not all good ones unfortunately, but some of the good ones are really good ones.

It starts well: a tour of your intricately detailed helicopter-as-base, onto whose interior Sad Snake for some reason sticks photographs of Goats He Has Known, hangs his currently selected weapon and whatnot, and then oh look a booblady. Oh, Koj, why? Fortunately then we’re back to painstaking weapon customisation and playing The Final Countdown on cassette tape.

It gets better, as Snake’s Booblady companion is swapped out for a horse or a ‘naked’ dog. Then you select a vehicle and look I’m trying to be descriptive but this whole thing is fucking insane in both detail and scope. Also D-Dog looks so much better than Fallout’s Immortal God-Dog.

Then the dog pisses on the sand while Snake listens to 80s powerballads on his Walkman and

And actually I’m just going to leave it there. Booblady nonsense aside, this is glorious.

MGS V: The Phantom Pain is out on PC on September 15th.


  1. BannerThief says:

    Look, as a straight man, I’ve got no problems with good-looking ladies in my entertainment, but boy is Quiet wearing a ridiculous outfit for a military mission in the desert. She’s just going to get sand in all sorts of uncomfortable places, and that bikini provides no support if she, say, needs to run around/away from firefights.

    D-Dog (great name) is better equipped for the environment than she is; at least the dog is wearing an eyepatch, which we all know improves your accuracy in Metal Gear World.

  2. Not_Id says:

    I don’t mind naked dogs.

  3. InfamousPotato says:

    Yeah, there’s no way I’m choosing Quiet over the fantastic D-Dog.

  4. Eight Rooks says:

    The weird thing is that much as I look at Quiet and think “Oh FFS”, etc., that trailer they’ve stuck out with Skullface and… someone else talking about his obsession with language as a means by which governments control people and “taking men’s tongues” actually made me more interested to know what exactly her deal is, damn it. Christ, it’s always like this – I know it’s going to be some ham-fisted, juvenile attempt to explore a meaningful subject, kids who’ve never bothered reading up on whatever it is (and various journalists who should know better) will have their Minds Blown and continue to insist Kojima is some maverick auteur deity when he’s nothing of the kind, the game will make me feel embarrassed to play it and yet I still want to see what’s going on. I’ve skipped Ground Zeroes (in large part because I can’t take how they treat Paz and I don’t agree it’s warranted/intelligent/thoughtful/anything like that) but I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist The Phantom Pain.

    • SMGreer says:

      Kojima is the epitome of mixed bag. In gameplay/design terms, the MGS is packed full of genuinely ground breaking and genius ideas but also a fair few misfires and clunky interfaces (which have only recently been left behind). The narrative? An absolute melodramatic mess. You can see the great stuff bubbling under the surface every time. Interesting explorations of politics, conflict and ethics (the outright anti-war message should be commendable within the context of videogames) all of which is coupled with well rounded characters…but it is almost entirely undone by the awful writing, the lack of nuance or subtlety. There’s depth in the MGS series for sure but Kojima explores it with all the grace of strip mining.

      I have enjoyed the series up to this point and really enjoyed the new direction with Ground Zeroes but it can’t be denied that really uncomfortable content and hamminess lingers, painfully. Phantom Pain looks like the most ambitious game he’s done yet and it makes me worry just how badly some of his questionable taste is going to intersect with the darker material in the story.

      • MrUnimport says:

        I’ve never felt like the hamminess detracted from MGS. Maybe it takes a little extra mental effort to laugh at the silly bits while taking the solemn bits seriously, but I always felt like they enriched each other with their presence instead of taking away from each other.

        • Synesthesia says:

          I agree. If he went full on with the anti war message, I don’t think the game would work so well, it would become pretentious in a bad sort of way. The “sex” scene on snake eater is a great example of this.

          • Kitsunin says:

            Totally also agree. If it were more serious it would suffer from the same problem The Walking Dead TV show has, of just being so balls to the wall srs bsns that you can’t actually like anyone or care about the plot because it’s always too depressing, boring, or melodramatic. Further, in such a long experience, you need laughs and weird bits, that way you stay guessing and can actually look forward to the next bit of eccentricity, rather than slogging through real-world logic all the time.

            I know I’d despise earlier entries in the series if they took themselves any more seriously than they do (admittedly, that’s largely because I dislike always-serious or grimdark stories, period), but they don’t, so I love ’em.

      • Otto says:

        Pretty much agree completely with SMGreer, I don’t think he has to go “full on” with the anti-war message to make the game more appealing, I think he could just stop the damn T&A that’s so blatantly shown at obverse times. And there’s still plenty enough “pretentious” and hammy moments without it, not limited to that scene.

        I agree there’s a level where humour is enriching, Sigint’s “shit monster” dream from Snake’s cell in MGS3, various gags over codec, the B-movie style acting and the whole box trick especially are unique to Metal Gear games. Jokes can work really well, but the darker subjects of race, rape, torture, slaves, if the game wants me to take seriously, would need to stop being so jarringly clashed with stupid breast shots. As much as I’ve always tried to ignore it, those shameless moments really do get in the way of my interest in the story. The same way terrible acting or music does.

        It may be due to the game’s more detailed depiction of the environment and enemies, but even the impractical Fulton Recovery during “sneaking” missions seems to require a little too much suspension of disbelief for me, just a bit more than usual. Unlike Rooks, I’m not so against Paz’s sequence in GZ, I think there’s a lot to be said of some ugly real practices, but despite Monggerel’s input, I’ll still be embarrassed to play sections of the game knowing how uncomfortable the dressing, camera shots and goofy melodrama will make me.

  5. WiggumEsquilax says:

    Snake seems to have an exceptional affection for goats. Is the dog there to protect Snake from himself?

  6. Pink Gregory says:

    The appeal of Quiet to me is that she’s Roadrunner with a sniper rifle.

    This is what I want from Metal Gear.

    • Eight Rooks says:

      Now if I buy the game I’m going to be subconsciously expecting her to go MEEP MEEP at any moment, damn you.

  7. A Gentleman and a Taffer says:

    Solid Snake: Goat Fancier

  8. Freud says:

    They could at least have given the sniper woman a ghillie bikini top.

  9. Monggerel says:

    “Her demeanor and appearance will change depending on the situation and your relationship with her.”

    If this wasn’t Hideo Kojima, thit would be a sardonic metanarrative nod towards the audience undressing her. “Male Gaze” imagined as a literal gameplay element. Considering the game is already big on cackhanded themes of perception and how reality is filtered through it, this fits and is entirely appropriate – and likely easily avoidable, that is, Quiet would wear sensible clothing if you didn’t play as skeezy as possible.

    But this is the work of Kojima, so the actual reason is just boobs.

  10. fravocado says:

    Is that dslyecxi’s voice? It kind of sounds like it.

    • hamilcarp says:

      No it doesn’t, not at all. You may need your hearing checked.

  11. Henas says:

    Out on PC September 15…

    I find it odd in the current world of pre-orders being available YEARS in advance of the release date that I cannot find a single digital distributor selling MGSV. It’s Steam page is yet to have a price nor a release date attached.

    I’m hoping it is the 15/9 and not delayed like Ground Zeroes.

  12. Alastor says:

    Does RPS or anyone have that picture of the wolf in big format ? I reeeeaaly like it

  13. Harlander says:

    This is set in the 80s, right?

    I’m just wondering because sometimes the tech in MGS games is based on real things, like the absurd Williams X-Jet, but the robot buddy looks a little (well, a lot) beyond anything that’d be going on at the time.

    I also like how their high-tech PDA’s display involves squinting into a tiny magnifying lens…

    • Qazi says:

      Great, hidden leaps in techology by shadowy military agencies and the subsequent technology suppression is a big thing in the meta-narrative to allow Kojima to rule of cool things.
      The Metal Gear world has had perfect applications of Artifical Intelligence since the 70s.