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Cartoony Free Retro FPS: Blobby Boys 3D

I may pretend I’m above nostalgia, being disinterested in the floods of retro platformers and RPGs, but in truth the wave of nostalgia simply misses what I semi-embarrassedly remember fondly from my formative years. Wonky shareware FPSs and drug dealing games were more up my skeezy alley (I was a well edgy teen, yeah?), supped from cover discs and passed around on copied floppies. Blobby Boys 3D [official site] combines those two.

Blobby Boys 3D is a free short FPS set in a colourful cartoon world with a mix of 2D sprites and 3D art, where you’re out to sell drugs, make money, and kill the big boss. The FPSing is wonky and the drug-dealing window dressing, but it’s charming and stylish.

There’s a charming ’90s crudeness to it all, both in tone and fidelity. It controls like ye olde fake-3D FPSs and doesn’t even have mouselook so it’s clumsy and takes getting used-to, but I was glad I did. The first level is a delightful little city block I enjoyed exploring. You wander around, finding money and drugs, and selling drugs to folks. That’s all simple enough, unless you deal to a narc who’ll call the cops on you.

The second level goes a bit trippy, with skull-faced citizens hiding in a booby-trapped maze. I didn’t finish this level because gosh I do not miss mazes at all, but I think the game’s still worth a play. I’ll go back and force myself to finish that this evening and find what’s next.

I have since learned it’s based on a webcomic, but evidently one can enjoy the game without reading that.

Resist the temptation to force it into fullscreen with alt+enter: the game’s hardcoded to run at 640×480 and the UI and weapons will get very wonky if you change it. That’s a shame, as you get to see and appreciate the world a lot more when it’s not crammed into a little box. Boo. If you don’t mind getting your hands dirty in the Windows registry, you can at least make it run at 640×480 fullscreen (anyone who can be trusted not to muss up their PC in the registry should be able to figure out how to do that).

Blobby Boys 3D is a free download for Windows and Mac from Itch.

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Alice O'Connor

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When not writing news, Alice may be found in the sea.

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