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Dote Night: Which Role Should You Play In Dota 2?

Pip is here to help. Probably. Sort of.

Part of a miscellany of serious thoughts, animal gifs, and anecdotage from the realm of MOBAs/hero brawlers/lane-pushers/ARTS/tactical wizard-em-ups. One day Pip might even tell you the story of how she bumped into Na’Vi’s Dendi at a dessert buffet cart.

Today Twitter had a meltdown over the existence of a magazine about YouTubers called Oh My Vlog. You can pretty much guess at the reactions. The reason that I bring it up is that it prompted me to take my first internet quiz in about ten years.

Suddenly I was seized by curiosity. Were there Dota 2 quizzes? There must be! This is the internet, there’s a quiz for everything.

A quick search proved this to be true. There was even one on OKCupid (although I don’t really understand what OKCupid quizzes about Dota 2 are supposed to do – pair a carry with a support or something?). Most were trivia quizzes or variations on “Which hero are you?”.

“Maybe this is where I can use my hundreds of game hours for good,” I thought. I can finally help thousands – no, MILLIONS – of people with their Dota via a quiz! It was all so simple.

And thus I present to you a quiz to help you pick a role in Dota 2. It is objectively accurate, scientifically correct and legally binding*.

GLHF.

*ish

28 Comments

  1. 22/07/2015 at 22:13 lupinewolf says:

    “YES. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES. THERE ARE THREE AND THERE IS ONE IN MY INVENTORY AND SOME SENTRIES ON THE WAY FOR DEWARDING.” hahahah I heard this with different wordings many times, had a good chuckle over it.

    Also, correctly guessed me as a Mid. By my count that´s 100% accuracy so far.

    • 23/07/2015 at 01:46 Banyan says:

      As someone who obviously got support on this quiz, I truly hate the automated “we need wards” message. Really? We need wards? Do you notice how you can see the entire enemy team on the minimap even though none of our team is near them? Do you notice that I’m still on brown boots and a stick 20 minutes into this match? Fortunately, as a team-focused player, I tend not to rage at the utterly oblivious dingbats who need a seeing eye dog to walk across the river.

      • 23/07/2015 at 09:45 Everblue says:

        The automated “we need wards” message literally makes my blood boil.

        ALL FOUR OF YOU PICKED FUCKING CARRIES. IF YOU HAVE ONE SUPPORT THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR FUCKING WARDS.

        • 23/07/2015 at 13:28 Synesthesia says:

          A-FUCKING-MEN BROTHER

          I hate it when the idiots pick 4 cores, amongst which there are two mids, and then after losing splurt out the usual “no wards ez mid”

          Douches.

  2. 23/07/2015 at 00:09 Steelphoenix says:

    Support. Always knew I was support. True pros support.

  3. 23/07/2015 at 00:11 Varanas says:

    Apparently ‘Oh My Vlog’ is aimed at me, despite the fact that I didn’t know the answers to any of the questions on that quiz (apart from the one about age, and even that one confused me).

  4. 23/07/2015 at 00:22 jrodman says:

    I like the spectator role.

  5. 23/07/2015 at 00:29 Navillus Omloc says:

    Pip convinces me to do one of these surveys and, of course, I’m support.

    Repress the hero gene, again :)

  6. 23/07/2015 at 02:58 Ejia says:

    I got support.

    I actually love being support. I don’t know why, but I love healing and buffing and all that. If there’s a cleric/priest/healer class that’s the first one I’m going for.

  7. 23/07/2015 at 03:44 geldonyetich says:

    I got support too. I like supporting DOTA 2. I support it all the way over from any possible game I can play besides DOTA 2.

  8. 23/07/2015 at 03:48 shde2e says:

    I got support too.

    Did Pip have problems finding supports and so gave us this quiz to convince us to be meatshields and heal-serfs loyal support players?

    That, or we’re all just really nice and helpful people who just want everyone else to have fun too! :D

    • 23/07/2015 at 03:52 geldonyetich says:

      I am thinking the quiz more works along the lines of, “IF THE PLAYER DOES NOT ANSWER EXACTLY CORRECTLY THE RIGHT ANSWERS TO PLAY THIS ROLE, SHUNT THEM TO SUPPORT SO THEY DON’T RUIN MY ELO!”

      • 23/07/2015 at 12:20 RaveTurned says:

        Or “You should play support, because no-one plays enough bloody support and I’m *always* the one having to buy those wards.”

    • 23/07/2015 at 11:58 shde2e says:

      That somehow seems fitting for a DotA quiz

    • 23/07/2015 at 13:01 Kitsunin says:

      I imagine the idea is that anyone who cares at all about the team’s well-being should be a support, because god knows nobody else is gonna be one.

  9. 23/07/2015 at 03:53 Fenix says:

    “Result: The Offlaner

    You like to think of yourself as a bold independent spirit. A lone wolf. A majestic island. A fearless – FUCKING HELL THEY’RE ALL UP HERE CAN I GET A TP RESPONSE OH GOD I THINK I AM DEAD”
    ^ My dota 2 experience in a nutshell.

    It would be cool to be able to easily see all other results of the quiz without having to retake it every time because I want to see what funny bits you have written for each one :(

  10. 23/07/2015 at 04:58 Ashrand says:

    Result: jungler
    But i only play brrod, so while this is doable it’s also… interesting.

  11. 23/07/2015 at 07:13 Lars Westergren says:

    Result: Support.

    > You are not allowed to own a sword as you are rather prone to falling on it if you think anyone is in danger and then not shutting up about it.

    My god, you described me perfectly.

    By the way Pip, are there any VODs saved of The Rektreational matches? My worthless ISP still haven’t fixed my connection since lightning ate it last Thursday, so I’ll probably miss your match against 1992 Dream Team this weekend.

  12. 23/07/2015 at 09:25 iainl says:

    I’m a Jungler. Which is, I suspect, the correct response to my “look, I have no idea what I’m doing, so don’t expect anything useful” answers.

    • 24/07/2015 at 01:33 Bugamn says:

      You and me.

      Although I must say that I have tried Heroes of the Storm and I liked it.

  13. 23/07/2015 at 12:11 frymaster says:

    I got “jungler”, which, as someone who doesn’t play Dota 2, I can only assume is a typo of “juggler”

  14. 23/07/2015 at 14:38 Bobtree says:

    The universally correct answer is CHEERLEADER. Tell your team what needs to happen in order to win the game. Positive feedback and useful information only. Relax, you’re doing fine.