FREE KEVIN: Smite’s Sorbo Hercules Freebie

Search the 7½th floor of your office building for a small door. Open it, take a deep breath, and crawl inside. Squelch through the dark tunnel until you find yourself somehow, impossibly, seeing through my eyes. You are sat in a swanky restaurant opposite a woman with great cans and the face of Kevin Sorbo. “Kevin Sorbo?” she asks. “Kevin Sorbo Kevin Sorbo.” A waiter arrives and he too is Kevin Sorbo. You panic. You flee through a crowd of Kevin Sorbo. Everyone is Kevin Sorbo. How can this be. Kevin Sorbo? Kevin Sorbo! Kevin Sorbo Kevin Sorbo.

And that is what will get me to finally install and play Smite [official site]. The Sorbet himself, Kev Sorbsteen, has reprised the role of Hercules for a free voice pack. Kevin Sorbo? Kevin Sorbo!

Any player who wins ten PvP matches in August will unlock Hercules as a playable god and score a “retro” Hercules skin with that KEVIN SORBO voice pack. Should they find a way to get Lucy Lawless in too, I will never play any other game.

Pip’s into Smite too, I know. I feel a bad friend for only showing interest in the MOBA now it’s adding Kevin Sorbo. But… Kevin Sorbo! My enthusiasm is wholly unironic. I will watch anything he’s in. Same for Brendan Fraser. Yeah, you can shut up.

Here, watch this video with The Sorbman carefully dancing around mentioning Hercules: The Legendary Journeys:

75 Comments

  1. Spider Jerusalem says:

    Fuck Kevin Sorbo. Racist piece of shit.

  2. Tukuturi says:

    Kevin Sorbo is a rabid anti-Semite and Christian fundamentalist. I’m disappointed to see that he managed to find work and that his work is being promoted here.

    • ChiefOfBeef says:

      Let’s tally up.

      Cons: Possibly racist, definitely a religious fundamentalist even if he’s not averse to playing a non-Christian religious figure.

      Pros: Kevin Sorbo. This I feel outweighs any of the cons.

      • frightlever says:

        Cons: Ruined Andromeda when he forced Robert Hewitt Wolfe out.

        Meh, I was a Xena guy.

    • Jakob91 says:

      Yeah.. how could someone on earth hate those pro-nuclear Palestine Invaders that are doing an Holocaust on their own with the benediction of the US? This crazy world I tell ya !

      • Tukuturi says:

        Whoa. You seem to have Jewish people confused with the state of Israel, among other things. You might want to sit down and have a good long think about this.

    • Eightball says:

      Have you investigated everyone where you work/live/eat to make sure you aren’t supporting people with Bad Opinions, commisar?

      • TillEulenspiegel says:

        I love this type of response, the sly accusation of hypocrisy based on beliefs not stated.

        Like, you realize even vegans don’t think it’s a problem if they accidentally eat some meat, right? That level of absolutist purity is almost exclusively reserved for religious fanatics. For everyone else, we do what we can to act within our own ethics.

  3. Distec says:

    God is dead, Kevin. He really is.

    • Tacroy says:

      the homoerotic tension in that movie was amazingly intense, especially given that (with the background of everyone involved) I’m sure it was entirely unintentional.

  4. KevinLew says:

    Kevin Sorbo was one of my childhood heroes as I was a huge fan of Hercules. I don’t know if I can separate those memories from what he’s now become. He’s now more famous as one of the most ultra-conservative, Christian fundamentalists, almost to the point where he resembles a stereotype. I wonder why Hi-Rez Studios wanted to partner with him, because you can’t be ambivalent about him once you know him.

    • skyturnedred says:

      I would wager that most people do not know about his opinions etc. They just see Hercules.

  5. metric day says:

    He looks so sad and pathetic. Must be having a really crappy decade!

    • wengart says:

      I think he had a few strokes in the mid 2000s that left him with impaired vision and movement.

    • Sarkhan Lol says:

      He wasn’t able to get any parts for years due to an ‘atheist conspiracy’.

      That’s right. An atheist conspiracy. In Hollywood.

  6. Kerr Avon says:

    Mr Malkovich’s lawyer awaits your earliest reply, Ms O’Connor. Or was that your intention? To meet John Malkovitch? Anyway, I think he might be prepared to settle out of court, this time, if you would like me to arrange a meeting? I have a slot where it’s Malkovitch and William Gibson at the Dorchester Hotel for a working lunch next Wednesday at 13:33, if you can make it?

  7. ScubaMonster says:

    I really couldn’t care less what goes on in this guy’s personal life or his opinions. I enjoyed his work in Hercules and that’s not going to change. Same for any game developers, music artists, etc. Whatever they might say or do doesn’t really matter to me when it comes to enjoying what they created or worked on.

    • Shadow says:

      Well said. I can’t help but concur.

    • metric day says:

      Good for you, but for a lot of people… when artists or performers get very loud and very very stupid, it gets embarrassing and draws more attention than their supposed dayjob. Or the case of Sorbo, their dayjob decades ago.

      • Premium User Badge

        Aerothorn says:

        I feel genuine sympathy for the “lot of people” who are unable to appreciate art because of their negative associations with its creators.

        • Tukuturi says:

          Your condescension is noted, appreciated, and returned. Creative work does not exist in a vacuum but within a web of social, political, and economic context.

          • Shadow says:

            But an artist’s social, political and/or economic views are irrelevant when the piece of creative work in question doesn’t reflect them in any way.

          • Werthead says:

            I think you can draw a distinction between art and the artist, but that distinction blurs when they take the money you’ve given them for their art and do things with it you find objectionable. As far as I can tell, Sorbo doesn’t do that whilst someone like Orson Scott Card (who uses money from his books to fund anti-gay-marriage programmes) does.

          • Premium User Badge

            Aerothorn says:

            Can’t really add anything the above commenter’s didn’t; the fact that everything is connected is not, in and of itself, grounds for boycott or dismissal, unless you withdraw from society entirely.

            Video games, in particularly, are made by large teams of peoples. If you are unwilling for your money to end up in the pocket of someone who will then spend the money supporting a cause you dislike, then you flat-out cannot purchase any video game except those made by 1-3 person teams, who you have personally vetted.

            The goal is ultimately not Economic Justice, because that is unrealistic in the extreme; it’s self-righteousness (or, more generously, “personal comfort.”) That is certainly within everyone’s rights, and nobody should tell you you have to engage with any art; but ultimately it’s simply a statement about yourself and your comfort, rather than an actual argument for or against anything. And I do feel genuine sympathy, because individuals with this mindset are greatly restricted from the works they can engage in, and will as a result live in an echo chamber, which is unlikely to be good for their personal development.

          • Tukuturi says:

            Except that this ins’t being sold on the objective merits of Kevin Sorbo’s voice acting. The marketing is not “check out this objectively great voice acting from an anonymous source.” What’s being sold here is Kevin Sorbo the person, the symbol, the product. “Check out this update, it has Kevin Sorbo.”

            Kevin Sorbo is a person, entitled to his beliefs and choices. Kevin Sorbo is also, in this particular context, a symbol with a number of referents. The most contextually relevant referent of Kevin Sorbo the symbol is the old Hercules television series, but that is not the only thing to which Kevin Sorbo the symbol refers. Over the past decade or so, Kevin Sorbo has cultivated symbolic capital by constructing a public image of himself as an outspoken conservative Christian, a racist, and a misogynist. In doing so, he has extended his celebrity to encompass these things. Thus, Kevin Sorbo as a product and a symbol now refers beyond Hercules to a number of problematic ideological constructs including but not limited to antisemitism, homophobia, misogyny, and biblical fundamentalism. Kevin Sorbo is a symbol of a some of the most deep-seated and currently relevant social ills in American society.

            I do agree, though, that if Kevin Sorbo’s voice acting was being sold on its objective merits and was not being attached to his name, his celebrity, or what those things stand for, you could appreciate it for art’s sake.

          • Spider Jerusalem says:

            Perfectly said. Thank you.

          • Distec says:

            Prior to this post, I thought Kevin Sorbo was just an idiot.

            This has now been replaced with the image of Mr. Sorbo on a galloping horse, wrapped up in the potent symbolism of the KKK and Confederate flag, cutting down women, gays, and negroes with his flaming sword while he spreads the good news to America.

            Thank you for that.

          • Tukuturi says:

            Can someone with some sill in illustration please draw/paint this for me? MS Paint is also acceptable.

          • Distec says:

            MSPaint is the only medium capable of capturing its majesty. Anything else would be an injustice to Kevin.

          • P.Funk says:

            Nobody is interested in Kevin Sorbo the person, they’re interested in Kevin Sorbo the Hercules. The man is not the man, he’s really just the out of character avatar for the character they really want to hear him dress up as.

          • Premium User Badge

            Aerothorn says:

            “What’s being sold here is Kevin Sorbo the person, the symbol, the product. “Check out this update, it has Kevin Sorbo.”

            Except that’s not really being sold, because you can’t “buy” Kevin Sorbo, or his voice acting. Smite is free-to-play, and while it has buyable stuff, this isn’t one of them.

            So “Kevin Sorbo is bad, let’s boycott Smite” doesn’t really make any sense. What are you going to do? Stop playing Smite because they have this promotion? Staunchly refuse to play 10 PVP matches in August so you aren’t given the free skin? I’m genuinely not sure what course of action is being proposed.

        • Premium User Badge

          gritz says:

          “I feel genuine sympathy for the “lot of people” who are unable to appreciate art” – Dude with anime avatar commenting on a video game blog post about Kevin Sorbo

          Such great heights.

    • GWOP says:

      “Whatever they might say or do doesn’t really matter to me when it comes to enjoying what they created or worked on.”

      Are you sure nothing about the revelations of a creator’s real-life intent can re-contextualize his/her work?

      • P.Funk says:

        I think that comes with the tacit implication that their work itself doesn’t represent a reprehensible expression or view point.

    • AUS_Doug says:

      Well said.

      I don’t care one way or the other about the man and his personal opinions, because I’ve never seen him as anything other than Hercules.

      He was never a role model or anything like that.

      He was Hercules.

      Adam Baldwin came here for a SupaNova expo a while back, and the outrage then was insane.

      “Don’t let him into the country,” people cried “he has view ‘x’ on [subject] and said [thing]”

      I don’t care.

      I didn’t go for life advice, or to hear his opinion on [subject].

      I went because I wanted to meet Animal Mother and Jayne Cobb.

  8. raiders says:

    Who’s Kevin Sorbo?

    • Kala says:

      Was in Hercules and Andromeda. Cheesy, old, terribad ham actor.

      • Jalan says:

        He was also Kull the Conqueror… you remember that right? Some might refer to it as “Not Conan the Barbarian featuring Tia Carrere”.

  9. Ejia says:

    Xena was better anyway.

  10. Carlos Danger says:

    Go Herc GO!!!

  11. nearly says:

    I feel so guilty when I get free skins for games that I don’t play. I have the Headmistress Fiora skin in League of Legends, which I’m told is a legacy skin which you can’t buy anymore? It just showed up one day as a random gift and I think said something about positive player conduct. It feels too creepy for me to feel proud showing it off, though. I’ve also got a number of random skins for Smite from various Humble Bundles and promotions. They’re very fond of giving those out.

    I kind of enjoy Smite but I’ve ended up uninstalling it twice. Most recently when I got to the login screen one day and just closed the program instead because there was an Egyptian goddess in a bikini just standing around bouncing her breasts up and down for me. The men aren’t quite as gross (and are appropriately vain/obsessed with their appearance) but the women are gross enough for both sexes. Half of the goddesses act out scenes from fetish porn as their victory emote, and most of them are dressed to shoot softcore. Makes it all the more frustrating when goddesses that should actually be naked and sexualized (Kali) aren’t, or when goddesses that are otherwise a relatively solid female power fantasy (Athena), again, act out scenes from fetish porn as part of their victory emote. Bellona was a nice enough shift in the right direction to get me back but I still felt too grossed out by what the other female characters looked like.

  12. derbefrier says:

    Wow i must be out of the loop. people hate Kevin Sorbo now? Ahh well we will always have Hercules.

    • BatmanBaggins says:

      His popularity on the internet did suffer after everyone found out what a bible-thumping bigot he is, yes.

      • Shadow says:

        Do you realize you came off quite like a bigot yourself right there?

        • Tukuturi says:

          Yeah, how dare he use an offensive label for a persecuted minority like conservative Christians!

          • Shadow says:

            Oh, so bigotry is alright as long as it’s aimed at certain groups? Or is it that by being a bigot you lose protection from being a target of bigotry yourself? I’m confused.

          • Tukuturi says:

            I’m only trying to say that it’s very different to be singled out for being a member of a dominant group with relative privilege than it is to be singled out for being a minority who lacks that privilege. Conservative Christians enjoy a dominant and privileged status in American society. Calling a conservative Christian a bible thumper may not be polite, but it is very different than, to pull a few examples from Kevin Sorbo himself, calling black Americans animals, blaming Jewish people for the death of Jesus, or running off at the mouth with homophobic slurs.

        • frightlever says:

          I’m a pretty chill atheist. I used to be one of those obnoxious ones that wanted to convert Christians, but the problem isn’t Christianity, it’s the sanctimonious assholes it attracts. Christianity is a fine philosophy and there’s little to gain attacking someone’s belief in a higher power. Attack their hypocrisy.

          • Shadow says:

            I’m a pretty chill Christian myself, and I find your attitude commendable. Like you, I’m not interested in converting those who believe differently, but likewise I do expect my beliefs to be respected.

            And therefore I resent the extremists who attack religion indiscriminately for the actions/reactions of the arch-conservative. Or worse, the radicals who attack indiscriminately because, in reality, they’re just like the arch-conservatives on the other side.

            The extremes meet, in the end, and religions and anti-religion are very similar in that regard. With fundamentalists at war with opposing fundamentalists or even moderates as well.

          • P.Funk says:

            “Christianity is a fine philosophy”

            Lets not get out of hand now.

        • Dawngreeter says:

          I really and honestly have no idea what about his man is correct and what isn’t. However, calling someone a bible-thumping bigot, if he in fact thumps bibles and bigots (new verb!), is not bigotry. In fact, it’s not bigotry even if he doesn’t bigot nor thump bibles – in that case it’s simply not true.

          Calling someone a fascist can either be or not be true, it can’t be bigoted. It’s not a slant used to discredit a group of people. It’s a name for, well, you know. Fascists. The same is at work here.

          • Eightball says:

            >It’s not a slant used to discredit a group of people.

            No less an anti-fascist than George Orwell would disagree with you:

            link to orwell.ru

          • Dawngreeter says:

            That’s nice. Almost completely nothing to do with my point, but still nice. Thank you for informing me that Orwell was anti-.

            If it’ll make you feel any better, exchange “fascist” with any other word people self-identify with when they want to describe their animosity toward something.

          • Dawngreeter says:

            God damn edit option. That was supposed to be anti-[something he didn’t believe should be used]

          • Shadow says:

            Fascist is the standard definition for supporters of fascism, and is not derogatory slang any more than “Christian” or “homosexual” is. However, “bible-thumper” and “faggot” are, indeed, pejoratives aimed at specific groups of people. There’s a clear difference.

          • Dawngreeter says:

            Bible-thumper could exist as a pejorative, I suppose, at the extreme edges of usage space. A person who is a bible-thumper, is a bible-thumper. You’re not calling him a cocksucker or something like that. You’re saying he’s thumping his bible, which he usually is. Calling someone a gay basher, for example, has a very specific meaning. It’s not that it can’t be used as a pejorative (pretty much any word can, somehow), the scenario in which that is the case is so oddly specific that no one would normally consider it a pejorative.

          • Eightball says:

            You really are thick (I’m not using that as a pejorative, you really are). There’s this thing called context, and in almost every context bible-thumper is pejorative.

            Cocksucker.

            (Not a pejorative, there’s nothing wrong with you gobbling every penis you can find.)

          • Geebs says:

            Calling somebody a “bible thumper” is reserved for people who are literally thumping a bible in the same way that calling someone a “cracker” is reserved for people who literally go well with cheese.

          • Tukuturi says:

            Bible Thumper is a new game by the bass player from Lightning Bolt.

          • Dawngreeter says:

            Well, I do assume that bible thumping is a well enough understood term. It is offensive only if you think calling someone a bully is offensive. I specifically mentioned cocksucker to contrast the term because that’s usually an insult. As opposed to calling someone a bully. A religious bully, to be exact.

            As I already stated twice, I don’t know anything about this person. I have no idea if he really is a religious bully. But someone calling him a religious bully isn’t being bigoted. That’s the entirety of my point. But calling me stupid is also an original option, so maybe that’s what we should focus on.

          • Distec says:

            Only thing worse than a Bible Thumper is a Tub Thumper.

            Shoot me now plz.

          • Dawngreeter says:

            I laughed. I’m not proud of it, but I laughed.

  13. Dawngreeter says:

    I have never heard of this guy so much that I’d have to learn about him to not know anything.

  14. Premium User Badge

    gritz says:

    “Ferguson riots have very little to do with the shooting of the young man. It is an excuse to be the losers these animals truly are. It is a tipping point to frustration built up over years of not trying, but blaming everyone else, The Man, for their failures. It’s always someone else’s fault when you give up.” – Kevin Sorbo

    Fuck Kevin Sorbo and shame on RPS for promoting his shit. Really disappointing.

    • Muzman says:

      Did he say that? Yowzer. And I thought he was just a tedious fundy.
      I think Smite have to put Jesus in the game now to atone for this. He can bring a sword and have a one time resurrection. When he dies at a certain level the ground can crack and them undead could walk into the city. One skill could be he is hard to damage from behind, so his main tactic is to get enemies behind him. Especially Lucifer (nb. add that guy too Smite people). His special bonus counter could be to make any mounted enemies fall off their ass etc etc.

  15. satan says:

    Wow… as somebody who only knew Kevin Sorbo from Hercules and the odd interview he did around the time Hercules was on TV, this all makes for some pretty sad reading… Oh dear I just found his twitter account…
    Damn… Oh no Kevin no…

    I feel so sorry for the guy.

  16. Kala says:

    “My enthusiasm is wholly unironic.”

    *Why*? :p

    Not at all getting into the political stuff above (mainly because I didn’t know/had/have no interest in the personal views of Kevin Sorbo) but…the dude can’t act and is made entirely of wood! acting should probably be a perquisite of being an actor.

  17. Premium User Badge

    Sinomatic says:

    “Should they find a way to get Lucy Lawless in too, I will never play any other game.”

    I knew I liked you Alice!