I remain mildly concerned that Transformers: Devastation [official site] will be a game I can only watch others play rather than do much with myself, because these bony hands have never been great at combos. But look at it. LOOK AT IT. Even if you’re not dangerously susceptible to 1980s toylines, it’s a delight to behold. High-speed tyrespins on downed enemies! Fights on top of collapsing suspension bridges! Mid-air hammer/tyrannosaur switching! Even Bumblebee doesn’t look like a total prick.
It looks VERY EXCITING, entirely over the top, and pretty much exactly what nerds like me wish was in cinemas instead of whatever dull, grey, militaristic wet dream Michael Bay ordered a thousand anonymous, outsourced digital artists to ejaculate onto the screen for him. LOOK:
I almost certainly won’t be able to play this game (made by Bayonetta studio PlatinumGames) without humiliating myself and everyone who has ever known me, but increasingly it looks as though it will manage to be both a lovely-looking, old-school Transformers game and a deeply involved, spectacular brawler too. Normally we don’t even get one of those things.
I hope we get the Red Alert, Goldbug and Nemesis Prime skins on PC as well as PlayStation. Then again, they’re a pre-order thing so YAA BOO NO GERROFFIT.