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EA Know When You WooHoo (In The Sims 4)

I was going to zoom in on the sausage as a symbolic reference to WooHooing but the image became blurry and weird

A year after launch, we’ve found out that EA have been monitoring your sex life in The Sims 4 [official site] like a bunch of creepy digital voyeurs in order to create a first birthday infographic. To that end, they have announced that characters in the game have done the flesh fandango 235,000,000 times.

I’ll tell you a bit more about the data in a moment but first: birthday infographics.

My parents never made an infographic for my first birthday. It could have been perfect for a newsletter or official blog (which I also didn’t have). It could have featured favourite words, steps taken, maximum tantrum decibels, time spent stroking the cat, time spent being comforted after stroking the cat went wrong…

I feel like this is a black mark against their parenting. What is life if not points of data organised for other people’s delight? My parents cared nothing for my #brand. They’ve also never celebrated my workiversary on LinkedIn. My father has, however, endorsed me for the skills of “Journalism”, “Pop Culture” and “Rodeo” so I suppose they are trying.

Speaking of work, apparently the most popular career for a Sim is “Other” and is expressed as a briefcase with a Simolean symbol next to it. I would like to be employed in the field of “Other” if it means briefcases full of cash, although I guess cases of money didn’t end well in Shallow Grave so maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

Only 9% of Sims chose the writer career, by the way, and being a writer is definitely not expressed in terms of suitcases of money. Instead there is a pen and paper. I have a pen and paper so this all checks out.

Not included on the infographic was “number of comments from players asking for toddlers be added into the game” or “number of pools in the game now that you can actually get pools in the game”. I bring these two things up because I remember them being the Big Controversies at launch.

Since that period of confusion and explanation and pool provision there have been further points of investigation, like needing to find out the difference between a Stuff Pack and a Game Pack and an Expansion, which have dampened my willingness to invest in the game or contribute to its WooHoo stat. Adam has also just told me (imagine I am a newsreader and he is pouring facts into my earpiece) that all the released and announced official DLC will set you back £186. Regarding this fact I refer you to my earlier remarks about writer careers and cases of money.

And thus I meander towards a final question:

Did any of you make the switch to The Sims 4 and, if you did, are you still playing?

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Philippa Warr


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