Total Warhammer Opens The Great Book Of Grudges

If you’ll cast your mind back about a week you will remember that the Total War: Warhammer [official site] devs promised an in-engine cinematic regarding dwarfs “soon” when they debuted their dwarfs. “Soon” has become “now” and has also brought lore-based infotainment.

“Deep beneath the World’s Edge Mountains, in the throne-room of the Dwarfen capital Karaz-A-Karak, High King Thorgrim Grudgebearer broods.

“Poring endlessly over the Dammaz Kron, the Great Book of Grudges, he dreams of vengeance for the countless betrayals and treacheries against his people. And sometimes, just sometimes, an opportunity to settle an old score presents itself…”

Thoughts:

1. I feel like if you’re going to go by the name of Mr Grudgebearer people are probably going to assume a certain amount of brooding on your part. You might just be daydreaming on your throne, thinking about cats or hats or whatever and people are still going to be like “Well, there he is, brooding again. Bearing all those grudges.”

2. Unless of course it is a job title, in which case you’ve really brought this on yourself when you applied.

3. Also, maybe writing down a long list of grievances isn’t the best way to deal with them? There have been a few claims over the last decade that brooding over problems and revisiting them makes it worse, harder to get distance. Maybe instead of creating an entire book called the “Great Book of Grudges” and then poring over it Mr Grudgebearer could go for a walk or meet a friend for coffee?

4. Unless this is just the dwarf equivalent of a Burn Book and at the end of Total Warhammer: Mean Girls Mr Grudgebearer will learn a valuable lesson about Lindsay Lohan and the sisterhood and do some trust falls with the goblin people (I do not play Warhammer) and their spider friends.

5. Finally, if the dwarfs had better internet they could avoid the problem of the book being full and set up The Great Blog Of Grudges.

Total Warhammer: Revenge of the Mean Girls is due in 2016.

31 Comments

  1. Koshelkin says:

    That artillery barrage was underwhelming to say the least, Dwarfs would have made that fortress approach to a real killing field.

  2. JFS says:

    My book is full as well.

  3. anHorse says:

    Stop trying to make Grudge happen, it’s not going to happen

  4. ldgonza says:

    Reminds me of the Grudgebringers. “CHAAAAARGE!”.

    It’s the -40th century, and there are only grudges.

  5. mattevansc3 says:

    Apart from the nod to Bugman’s bar I don’t recognise this race.

    Dwarves were my second favourite army behind the Bretonnians. What’s shown here aren’t those Dwarves. This is all very LOTR generic. Where’s the Norse heritage? The over zealous take on honour and duty? The GW Dwarves besieged a fortress just because the human lord refused to pay for the hundred swords he ordered and then lifted their month long siege when he paid up. The book of grudges includes an entry of someone not paying their bar tab.

    Nothing epitomises the Dwarves more than the Book of Grudges. Every broken vow, promise, oath and deal is recorded there because nothing is worse in their eyes than an oath breaker.

    • Greg Wild says:

      And yet, it’ll still be more faithful to Warhammer than nuHammer ;)

      • mashkeyboardgetusername says:

        Mumblemumbleilikeageofsigmarmumble.

        Mumblemumblei’mhavingbadwrongfunandyoucan’tstopmemumble.

        • mashkeyboardgetusername says:

          Still looks rather good. The graphics, that is, can’t really judge gameplay off this sort of thing. (And yes, I know these things sometimes don’t look as nice in real life as they do in trailers.)

          Also, it’s a fucking relief to have a dwarf not voiced by a Scottish voice actor.

          • mashkeyboardgetusername says:

            That was meant to be a new post, not another reply. Oh well.

    • Asurmen says:

      It’s funny, but what you just described sounds like generic LOTR dwarves.

      • gwathdring says:

        You’re mistaken. EVERYONE in Tolkien is obsessed with honor, duty and grudges with the exception of Hobbits.

        • mattevansc3 says:

          Everybody in LOTR is obsessed with talking about honour or bringing it up in arguments.

          The Hobbit and LOTR is full of oathbreakers.

        • JamesTheNumberless says:

          While the Hobbits may not be obsessed, they’re certainly not immune. Honor drives a lot of the actions of Bilbo, Pippin, Merry and Frodo. Sam is obsessed with his duty to Frodo and Frodo with his duty as ring-bearer. Meanwhile there are plenty of petty grudges back home in the Shire, not the least of which is half of Bilbo’s family resenting Frodo’s inheritance of Bag End.

    • King Trode of Trodain says:

      I believe it is even worse than you wrote, if I remember correctly, the lord paid for 99 out of 100 swords…

      Also let’s not forget the War of the Beard :)

      • mattevansc3 says:

        That’s probably more like it. I passed my army books on ages ago so can’t reference it.

        Talking about honour where are the bloody Slayers? You can’t have a dwarf army without a contingent of psychotic soldiers driven by suicidal tendencies because they dishonoured themselves in ways such as having a wizard burn their beard off.

        • King Trode of Trodain says:

          Yes slayeeeers! Seriously there are so many units that I want them to include in this it’s not even funny. I would love it if they could have miners tunnel under the ground with the possibility of getting lost as well…

          …Ok I realize what I really want is just to have all the rules and lore of Warhammer in a videogame. A man can dream :'(

          • mattevansc3 says:

            No, what you want is the interesting bits of lore. The slayers, the miners, the goblin fanatics (those with a big ball and chain), squig riders and goblin doom divers. The crazy shit that says they aren’t taking themselves to seriously.

          • King Trode of Trodain says:

            I do agree with that, though I will say that there is not much about Warhammer that they could include that would make it “serious”. Even the boring High Elves are silly in that they’re going extinct just because they, like giant pandas, refuse to procreate. For instance :)

        • iniudan says:

          Well the slayer don’t really live in the dwarfen karak like most, as they are mostly out in the wild trying to find a suitable opponent to die to, so them been absent of a siege can be normal.

  6. ribby says:

    I can always tell when an article has been written by Pip. I read a few lines, scroll to the top and yep, it’s by Pip. :D

    • Mirabel says:

      agree, pip is awesome. (i even made an account just so i could post this!)

      • Durkonkell says:

        Pip remains my favourite wordsmith, pursued closely by Alice. Their pixel letters amuse me whenever they enter my ocular receptors. You RPS people, please pay these two enough that they don’t defect to bloody boardgames or something, okay?

  7. neoncat says:

    Darn, I thought I was going to get an actual Total Warhammer: Mean Girls trailer after looking at the stills. Such a letdown. :(

  8. Premium User Badge

    Phasma Felis says:

    THE URKS MUST PAY

  9. lglethal says:

    Why would you engage in hand to hand combat when you’ve got a great big fortress with big great walls to sit behind, and a f%$kload of cannons with which to kill everytng which comes close?

    I’m just saying maybe, maybe thats why the dwarves keeping getting driven from their fortresses and wiped out? ;)

    • CookPassBabtridge says:

      Just came in to post that I only came into post because your comment on the front page was cut off at “Why would you engage in hand to hand combat when you’ve got a great big…” and naturally I have the sense of humour of a 14 year old so here I am.

      Penises.

  10. Iajawl says:

    Verbose video was boring for me. Kinda wish the video showed us a bit more gameplay.

  11. Gruuber says:

    That’s the voice of the adviser from Dungeon Keeper (and War for the Overworld)! What a traitor, joining the dwarfs!

  12. tigershuffle says:

    Go Team Plastics.