British Invasion: Company Of Heroes 2 Expandaloned

In celebration of the newly-released Company of Heroes 2 [official site] standalone multiplayer expansion I’ve written a poem. Like all good poems it rhymes, except for the part where I use a Spanish word because I ran out of rhymes. This is what gives it an ‘international’ edge and is evidence that I am a citizen of the world and not a bad poet.

It’s sweet and right to die at war, Dulce et Decorum est
That’s the lie that’s often told, as Owen said it best
So what might that have got to do with Company of Heroes?
From Sega comes its stand-alone expansion, at roughly $12 dineros

Did you like it? The expansion, which is delectably called The British Forces, features 15 new units, eight multiplayer maps and a bunch of new commanders. It’s standalone but can compete with regular CoH 2 players. You’ll find it on Steam for £9.99. You may have missed that from the poem but it’s all in the subtext.

13 Comments

  1. satan says:

    All I took away from this article was ‘I bet you can’t write a poem’.

    So I wrote this poem.
    Here goes.

    I don’t think there is any spin you
    could put on a World War 1 or 2
    game to make me interested in it.
    I mean I Actually enjoyed the first company game
    but for the fresh mechanics, the setting however was stale

    Because around the turn of the century
    there seemed like there was this urgency,
    To glean first hand information from war veterans dropping like flies.
    This led to a glut
    Of World War Two stuff
    Be they games documentaries books or movies

    Being a history buff I devoured everything I could get my hands on
    And some of the games had absolutely amazing soundtracks, music that still merits a listen
    But one thing was always the same

    The setting was always painted with browns and greys
    Mud and smoke, Dirt and dust, that seeped into everything
    Our whole idea of the war seemed
    inextricably tied up with our ideas about the elderly,
    about the old world and distant memory

    As if somehow depicting this war within our lifetimes –
    as positively ancient could make it seem less likely to have happened –
    Less likely to ever happen again

    Which was fair enough for as some one once said
    Before World War Two the whole world was colourless

    Anyway I think what I’m trying to say is I stopped playing World War Two games
    Not because they always look the same
    But because they kinda make me depressed

    Vaga Mutto

    (vaga mutto is Latin for wandering penis from memory)

  2. Jediben says:

    BOOM BOOM BOOM.
    BOOM BOOM BOOM.
    BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM.
    BOOM BOOM BOOM.

    • gunny1993 says:

      A cunning poem indeed

    • Capt. Bumchum McMerryweather says:

      Hear the words I sing,
      War’s a horrid thing,
      But stil I sing, sing, sing,
      Ding a-ling a-ling.

    • Neutrino says:

      What’s making me chuckle the longest is to wonder what any Americans reading this must make of it.

  3. Didero says:

    While war is not my cup of tea,
    a poem’s always nice to see.

  4. kulik says:

    Don’t be stupid, be a smarty,
    come and join the Nazi Party!

  5. Iajawl says:

    Expansion arrives
    British invasion begins
    Players rejoice

  6. int says:

    Gordon Bennett, what is that
    enormous beast approaching?
    The cannon fires!
    The cannon fires!
    A dance of meat and shrapnel.

  7. David Bliff says:

    The British are fun. I suspect there will be lots of calls to nerf them, which I think is premature. They definitely force Germans to rethink strategies that have been reliable for years, since the British late game can stand up to heavy German armor. But hopefully the metagame will have time to evolve before Relic do anything too drastic.

  8. TheAngriestHobo says:

    Three words appeared on an off-white screen
    And sorry I did not read them well
    And thus amazed, at what I’d seen
    And stared again at their flickering sheen
    To find that “company” and “city” were different fucking words.

    …and then I cried.

    -Robert Frost, 1916

  9. turtle says:

    nice poem, you a clearly an international type of person