Flirty Dogs And Barking Men: MGS V Model Swaps

Swapping 3D models is usually one of the first mods folks figure out for games without official mod tools, letting you earnestly play as different characters or just dick about and make things weird. Well, folks have been fiddling with Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain [official site] and sure, you could make it so Quiet takes Snake’s place.

Or you could swap D-Dog for Quiet, making some of the sniper’s already-odd cutscenes get really weird. It’s a simple thing and entirely predictable but, like physics ragdolls freakouts and missing faces, I will always laugh at model swaps gone wrong. Look, this dog thinks he’s people (sorry, I don’t have a better source for that):

The cutscene that clip’s from (spoilers, obvs) isn’t much less weird though (oh, Metal Gear!). While D-Dog’s model is evidently set up similar enough to do something in this scene rather than nothing, it’s different enough that it freaks out – unsurprisingly, seeing as he’s not people. Other human characters, however, swap almost perfectly. Here’s what happens when Quiet and Ocelot change places:

Replacing DD with Ocelot is even weirder:

It’s all so goofy and I can’t help but laugh.

I roll with Quiet usually, tranqing entire outposts unseen under cover of night as a crack team with careful coordination and timing. Many military games dabble in giving you sniper cover for a brief scripted sequence, and I always enjoy that, but this lasts for as long as I want. It’s brilliant. And yet… I miss my dog buddy. I might see about using Diamond Dog’s model for Quiet. She’s off in the distance most the time anyway but I’d get to ride with my (spasming, incorrectly-animated) dog in the helicopter.

As I understand it, all this swapping is done with this tool. This Steam forum thread has a lot of info on other ways to mess with models and textures and weather and FOV and things too.

51 Comments

  1. Goodtwist says:

    What a great time to be alive.

  2. bleeters says:

    None of this seems out of character for Ocelot, really.

  3. urbanraccoon says:

    Those early nanomachines had a lot of bugs

  4. Mr.Porc says:

    Laughed so hard! Thanks, you made my day :)

  5. Philomelle says:

    Oh come on. I know it’s a bit spoilerific (mostly because it happens late into the game and not because anything story-related actually happens in it), but how can you not link Ocelot frolicking in the rain?

    My favorite parts of it are the little poledancer flourish early on and the boob/butt pose he strikes as soon as he’s on the ground.

    • Jockie says:

      That’s brilliant, turning a weird pervy scene into an amazing interpretive dance.

    • SuicideKing says:

      Hahahaha

    • lordcooper says:

      I was mildly disappointed his trousers stayed on :(

    • malkav11 says:

      I love the “Snake Ocelot” shoulder patch on Snake.

      • malkav11 says:

        Er, the “Snake Heart Ocelot” patch, since my ASCII hearts got eaten as HTML code.

        • Universal Quitter says:

          Aw, I’s been ninja’d. Sure would be nice to have a FREAKING EDIT OR DELETE BUTTON.

    • Universal Quitter says:

      The Ocelot-Heart/Heart-Snake shoulder patch was a really nice touch.

      It’s the little things, you know?

    • Lakshmi says:

      This is glorious.

    • Syra says:

      OMG I LIKE THIS SO MUCH IT IS HARD TO EXPRESS.

      My flatmate is shouting at me from her bedroom (which is rather far away): “Why are you giggling in such a creepy way?!”

  6. icarussc says:

    So can this tool be used to swap Quiet out for someone wearing some freaking clothes? Because I would absolutely use that.

    • icarussc says:

      Er, to clarify — clearly it can be used to swap out for Ocelot, who is wearing some freaking clothes. I mean, for an alternate model of Quiet who is clothed, or for another suitably in-character model? Just with clothing?

      • Shadow says:

        I think Quiet has a couple of secret outfits which are less revealing. I haven’t seen them. Just heard of them.

        So it should be possible to mod her so to change her default clothes.

        • Relnor says:

          They’re not secret. She’s wearing a full suit in the prologue, I guess it would be possible to swap her model out with that one.

          • Shadow says:

            I think that’s one of the unlockable outfits, but changing her model to the prologue’s would also change her hairstyle. Neat!

      • Zankman says:

        But that would then ruin the completely necessary and artistic shower scene!

        • Shadow says:

          I suppose art is only art when it doesn’t offend anyone. I didn’t know that was a requirement, but who knows.

          • SuicideKing says:

            (that was sarcasm)

          • Shadow says:

            Mine was an idle comment, sarcastic as well, on people mocking the artistic condition of something merely because they don’t like it.

          • Beefenstein says:

            I suppose it is art because it offends people, because you don’t offer any reason to consider it being artistic, because of course you are not only merely assuming a contrary position in order to make it seem as if the only reason to dislike the portrayal of Quiet is small-mindedness about the sexualisation of women in video games.

          • Sin Vega says:

            “This is pathetic” /= “I am offended”

          • Shadow says:

            “This is pathetic” = “I don’t like it”

            As for justification of MGSV as art, as if that were necessary to begin with, it is one of Hideo Kojima’s works of creative self-expression. Whether it’s offensive to some or not is irrelevant. Whether it’s subjectively good or bad is irrelevant. Art just is, regardless of what one may think about it.

          • Philomelle says:

            @Shadow
            It’s very nice that you understand that the quality of art can only be discussed from a subjective viewpoint. However, it does make me wonder why you, despite realizing that it’s natural for people to share different opinions on art, would intentionally misread Zankman’s comment in an attempt to humiliate him.

            He didn’t call the Quiet scene “offensive,” he called it unnecessary. That particular bit is actually objective from a cinematographer’s perspective – Quiet being sexy and almost naked is established by that very long zoom at her ass while she walks away up on Motherbase’s deck, while Ocelot’s annoyance with everyone gawking at her is also established with a groan and an eyeroll during that time. The shower scene does nothing but reiterate those two facts that were stated by the scene five seconds ago, so all that scene does is insult your intelligence by slowly spelling it out (though it provides some cheesecake to make you feel like that insult is actually a reward).

            You trying to turn his comment on the scene’s redundancy into him being offended by it doesn’t actually register as sarcasm. It mostly registers as you being illiterate.

          • Shadow says:

            It’s a good thing you’re above attempting to humilliate others.

            That was not my intention, but I suppose my comment was not entirely directed to Zankman’s per se. I condensed my qualm with mocking art in mine, which is something visible in several comments in this particular section, not just Zankman’s. So my response was triggered by his calling that particular scene “artistic” in a sarcastic sense. Because it is art, along with the rest of the game. Others were offended: maybe not him, but I guess I replied to everything.

            What many don’t realize is that something being artistic is neither a positive nor a negative trait. They equate art to good, and if something’s not good, it can’t be art, which couldn’t be more wrong.

            That’s about it.

          • Philomelle says:

            I’m pretty sure you humiliated yourself just fine the moment you responded to someone with a message that intentionally ignored everything they said in an effort to insult them and then tried to defend the shower scene as “art”. Me explaining that you came out looking like a dunce is hardly any effort to humiliate you on my part.

            You leaving a comment that doesn’t address anything said in Zankman’s post still isn’t sarcasm, it’s at best passive-aggressiveness peppered with logical fallacies. It doesn’t even work in the broader context of defending Quiet’s entire storyline as art because you’re trying to passive-aggressively imply that people dislike it because they are offended by it. No, people dislike it because her storyline is peppered with so many botched techniques and terrible execution that its artistic value comes down to the level of a kid doodling with crayons over a Penthouse centerfold.

            Even the shower scene you are trying to defend isn’t art. It fails Cinematography 101 (do not create redundant scenes), it fails Narrative Design 101 (do not reiterate and regurgitate information points on a level where they insult the audience’s intelligence), it fails Symbolism 101 (if you’re going to use repetition, do not waste it on very base information and definitely do not repeat the same thing within ten seconds; it’s going to become tedious rather than meaningful). When a scene makes so many basic mistakes that one would get laughed out of your first year in Cinematography in every single college for creating it, utilizing the idea of “quality of art is subjective” to defend it devalues the idea of “art” completely.

            A cameraman forgetting to take the cap off the lens is not art. It’s an error, no matter how many layers of subjectivity you try to bring into it.

          • HERP DERP NANOMACHINES says:

            “people mocking the artistic condition of something merely because they don’t like it.” HAHAHAHA the sexualization of females is mere opinion? Thanks for reminding everyone that gamers are worthless trash when it comes to basic discourse.

            Neckbeards always get so defensive when people point out their mediocre, barely justifiable perversions.

          • Synesthesia says:

            I like you, philomelle.

    • Snark says:

      As of earlier today, there’s a mod to fix Quiet’s clothing issue. Ruin the game’s ‘artistic vision’ at your own risk.

      link to nexusmods.com?

      • GernauMorat says:

        That only appears to let you play as clothed quiet, rather than change the companion model. Any ideas?

  7. Al Bobo says:

    That last one…. Oh man, I laughed so hard. “DD, come back!” “Ruff wuff!” More of these!

  8. horsemedic says:

    How many depressing seconds until someone swaps Quiet’s model into the dog scenes?

    • Distec says:

      Too few.

    • thetruegentleman says:

      Depressing? What could possibly be depressing about watching Quiet run around barking with airplane arms? That’s amazing, not depressing!

  9. Truckse says:

    So, normally, some of the first mods to be released are nude models for the female characters. This is the exact opposite scenario, where a lot of people want to mod Quiet with some clothes.

    Kojima, the master of irony (?).

  10. Det. Bullock says:

    OK, I sit this one out mostly because:
    A- I never owned one of those Sony TV boxes so I never played a MGS title;
    B- Male Gaze sometimes it’s relative, so see point A.
    But watching that swapped cutscene…
    Really?
    That’s C-list italian sex comedy material, it makes me wonder if it’s a case of something that wanted to be “satirical” but ended up not looking it at all.

  11. SuicideKing says:

    What’s amazing is that Quiet-as-Ocelot seems far more “mostly nude but badass” than whatever Quiet cutscenes I’ve seen so far.

    And Ocelot-as-Quiet is freaking hilarious.

  12. Monggerel says:

    I wonder if it would be possible to swap quiet with the Tank.

    I uhh… need to do some testing.

  13. gwathdring says:

    Hahahahaha. That’s lovely.

  14. Spacewalk says:

    Has anyone done something with the horse yet?

  15. Nixitur says:

    This really highlights how absurd the shower scene looks.
    News flash: People usually don’t pose while showering.

  16. Wowbagger says:

    I had an office breakdown at the ocelot and D-Dog one, It’s frigging hilarious.

  17. Uninteresting Curse File Implement says:

    Stupid sexy Ocelot